A thinner Katie

Sticking with the diet.

2010-07-16T12:38:00.002-04:00

So far so good. Sticking to weight watchers without being fat, and without the extra nursing points takes planning. I pretty much know what I will eat for the rest of the day with 2 points left over for a night snack.

I have not been able to weigh in at all. My husband has been working long hours, and I really enjoy the meetings. I also am procrastinating. The more I lose without knowing the less I will beat up on myself. So if I weigh in and still am in the 180's I will be thrilled.

I haven't been able to get back into the working out aspect. It is hard without the marathon as my goal I feel blah about it. I am going to do a duathalon. Even that though seems almost easy in comparison. It is a 3k run, 12 mile bike, and then a 5k run. Just seems so anticlimactic after the half marathon.

So I never told the story of the half marathon. Well here it is a month late but better late than never.

So May 29th I went and picked up my packet, I never felt better here I was showing up to an event with all these people I envied previously and now I was one of them. I received my packet and my husband went out for a pasta dinner. Then my wonderful husband took me to Dick's and let me buy a running outfit. I have always run in pants and whatever t-shirt I could find. It was going to be unseasonably warm so he insisted I needed shorts. I ended up picking out a running skirt, and a sleeveless tight shirt. I thought I looked great...at the store.

Later that night I put on my new outfit to show my husband. He looked at me and lost it, I realised I am NOTHING like the other people picking up the packets, I looked like a cow in the outfit. I yelled at Ryan, I cried, and threatened to not run the next day. I was just really nervous about the race, and took it out on poor Ryan.

The next day I woke up still upset about how fat I thought I would look, but still got dressed, picked up my friends, and went off to the race. We lined up took off, and around 1 mile down we all separated at our own pace. I was doing good till I hit 3 miles, and wanted to cry, I could have sworn to myself that I just ran 5 miles. Thankfully the next 2 miles were all lake front, and I was able to enjoy the scenery. Right at mile 5 I saw my husband cheering me on. Ironically mile 5 the reverse way is also mile 10, I was doing a decent pace, the clock showed 57 minutes, not bad figuring that I was from start not from when I finally crossed the starting line.

I became pretty motivated at that time, I was under the 12 minute pace I wanted for myself. I saw my husband. Mile 5-10 went awesome, I was still running about mile 7 I ran into the 12 minute pacer. He was an older nice man who this was his 132nd half marathon, he also had run 52 full marathons. So I started running with him and 2 other ladies. We had fun we were encouraging and enjoying ourselves.

Then I passed the mile 10 marker.....I asked the pacer where we were and he said we were a little behind pace it was at 2 hours and 5 minutes. I was okay with that...and then BAM!!!!!!!!

I hit the wall, the idea of running anymore had me in tears, I started to just walk, when one of my new friends tried to encourage me I had images of punching her in the nose. I slowed down to a near crawl. The only thing that kept me going was pure fact that I would not be the one that gave up after 10 miles. If I had to crawl across that finish line I would do it. So I kept going, slowly and walking. Mile 12 came and there was my husband in running shoes. He kept lying to me saying it was just around the corner not long, I would try to run but my toe (of all things) would cramp up and I would lose my balance. So I just stuck to walking. Just I hit the strip where the end was I hear "MOMMY GO MOMMY" look over and there are my darling girls cheering me on like I was going to win the race. So toe be damned I was going to run across that line. I started running like it was the first mile, I ran over gave them hugs on the run, and ran across that finish line at 3 hours 2 minutes and 15 seconds.

I was finished 2427th(out of 2583)....but when I went over to meet my Riley with my finishing medal, she ran up to me gave me a big hug and said "YOU WON MOMMY, You WON!!!!!!!!"

So that was the race, it took me an hour to go 3 miles, and 2 hours to go 10. I think I needed to work on endurance a little more. I figure I can only get better, I can't get much worse. After I know I get the half marathons down I will start to prepare for a full. But I have to be able to do it in less than 5 hours.

I am back

2010-07-12T12:46:00.005-04:00

It has been awhile. I have been taking a break from the weight loss, I gained some. I don't know how much but my size 8 jeans are too tight, and the size 10's are still falling off but were not embarrassing anymore. I will go to weight watchers again tomorrow, and will soon know the true extent of damage I have done. I am a little nervous about it.

I have spent the last 2 months not tracking, but I can not say I am eating horrible just just not watching. I also won't say I regret everything I did. I enjoyed this little break, this time where eating, counting and exercising controlled my life. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, but always with the mindset of still eating right. I never bought Oreo's and ate the entire bag, I never ate big Mac's and french fries. I still loved my Moe's and kept away from adding high caloric things like loads of cheese, sour cream, and eating it with the tortilla.

I did eat pizza now and then, would let myself have cake at birthdays, and eat buns, real ones not Arnold's thins. I just let myself eat when hungry and stop when I was not. Stuff I will get to do when I am at the end of the weight loss journey....not in the middle.

The one part I did disappoint myself with was the fact I stopped exercising, sure I have my excuse of working more, but that is an excuse. I made 2 YMCA reservations this week, so I can jump back on that wagon.

I started up the weight watcher web site and tracked everything for today. I am drinking water and trying not to cry to myself about the loss of nursing points. I have 19 points less than I had when I started weight watchers. It almost makes me wish I could be a wet nurse and NEVER stop nursing.

I do have a ton more to tell you but that is a start. I will end with 2 pictures. One is From Sophie's first birthday and the other is from my older daughter's first birthday. It still amazes me to look at the difference. Sophie turned 1 on June 23rd 2010. Riley's is from February 27th 2008.

I ran the half marathon

2010-06-02T00:55:00.001-04:00

People close to me and on face book have been bugging me....I will do a much longer post but I am alive, I finished my first half marathon, and I have not lost nor have I gained any weight in the past 6 weeks.

That is the quick update I will be back for more!

Scared to run outside

2010-04-20T13:44:00.002-04:00

Today I am going to force myself to run outside. I have avoided it at all costs, even to the point of picking fights with my husband so I did not have to go run outside. I can run for hours(okay 1 hour) on the treadmill. I seriously go into a panic thinking about running outdoors.

I am not sure what the block is, but I have some thoeries.

1. If I run outside EVERYONE can see me, at the gym only the people there can see me run. Bonus is I work out at the YMCA, so most people are in the same shape I am in, not super buff people. Infact on the treadmill today I worked out next to a 70+ woman on one side, and an 82 year old man(he told me) on the other.

2. I am not secure in how I look running, I am afriad people will drive by and laugh at the fat girl trying to run.

3. Bra, I have huge boobs, like 38 G cup, no matter the bra I buy there is still some major bouncing that I once again don't mind the few people at the gym seeing but to open that to the public freaks me out.

It all comes down to my insecurities. Walking I would have no issue with, but running freaks me out. So today I am going to run to my meeting...

Hockey game, 3 beers and a pizza

2010-04-17T11:51:00.002-04:00

My husband is a huge sports fan, he is a fan of every sport out there, not just to watch but to play it as well. So me being a nice wife, went out and bought us both tickets to the Buffalo Sabers playoff game. It was great we had a much needed date night, on Thursday. I was good all day waiting for this night, we went out to eat and I ordered the small veggie pizza, and beer.

I did not track what I ate, but I do not think I did too bad but I am playing the "hope game" for my weigh in on Tuesday.

Running is going well. Today I ran on the treadmill covering up all the info and went purely on instinct and what felt comfortable, and I ran faster than ever before I did my 5 k in 34 minutes. I love running in intervals though, I do 4 min. run and 1 min walk. I am sure I could run it all, but I think that 1 minute makes me feel like I am taking a break. I think that is what I will do for the half marathon. I actually run faster over all with intervals, and I can go farther.

I am back on track for the rest of the week, lots of water and lots of eating well. I think I will still post a loss but I don't think it will be 10 pounds HAHA.

Slacker!

2010-04-14T15:55:00.002-04:00

I just found this blog last night. She just hit under 150 pounds, and lost over 100 pounds. The thing that spoke to me about her blog is that we started our weight loss journeys, and blogs at the exact same time. It spoke more to me because she started her blog at almost exactly the same weight I was. She was 254, and I was 252. We both lost 50 pounds at almost exactly the same time frame, we both got under 200 the same week.

Then I did something she didn't do...

I told myself that the next 50 would be so much harder to lose, and let my self slack. She has just lost another 50 pounds and is under 150 pounds, me I lost 20.

I realised she never told herself that it was going to be too hard to lose another 50 pounds in 4 months, so she kept going strong, and she kept seeing great losses. She never gave herself permission to go off plan because people told her how great she looked(oh and she does!!) so kept on losing. She never had to work extra hard one week to lose the weight she gained the previous week, because she never let herself lose sight of the final goal. I did all of those things, and that is why I have only lost 20 pounds in 4 months and she is at my goal!

This motivates me to want to keep going, because if she can I can too. I just wish I found her sooner because maybe it would have helped, but then maybe I would have excuses....I am good at those!

If I was on the Biggest loser...I would have won this week!

2010-04-13T19:22:00.002-04:00

10.2 pounds...Holy crap!! I new it was going to be decent, but I thought I would lose, 6-8 pounds not all of it plus some. So that puts me at a new low!!! I have officially lost exactly 69 pounds.

In other news thanks to Katie J, and the blog she sent me too, I have some things to think about. I still really want to look my best, and I still have time. I now know what to ask and a little more of what to expect if and when I get a tuck done.

In sad news my parents beagle, the one I picked out my senior year of high school, is dieing. She has cancer and they do not expect her to make it through the summer. I am really sad about this, she is the sweetest funny beagle ever, so in her honor and something that has nothing to do with weight loss I am going to tell a funny Rosie story.

Now I am sure you have all heard beagles are natural born hunters, they have hunting instinct. Well we thought Rosie missed that message, because she never tried to hunt anything. Until one day...My dad loves to take Rosie for walks through the State Park camp ground in the winter, and one day the get out of the car and Rosie immediately goes on point. She smells the air, and start baying like only a beagle can, and then takes off. My dad start chasing after her(swearing I am sure the entire time), it is winter so no one is really camping and my dad follows her tracks, until he comes across what she "hunted".....It was a Boy scout group cooking bacon!

GRRRRRRRRRRR

2010-04-12T22:58:00.002-04:00

I have lost 70 pounds, and I look in the mirror and still see my stomach. My HUGE stomach. It seems I have lost 70 pounds everywhere but my stomach. I can fit in size 10 jeans, but a dress I need a size 16.

It came to a boiling point today when I went shopping for a T shirt. We are going to a Buffalo Sabers playoff game on Thursday, and needed a couple new shirts. Ryan and I went to the store I grabbed some women slightly fitted shirts in both large and extra large. The larges were a joke, and the extra large I came out and asked Ryan what he thought, he just shrugged...and knowing my husband I knew what that meant. From Ry it means "I have seen you look worse, but its not great."

We left and I had to buy ANOTHER men's t-shirt. I did it in tears, I am so sick of this huge stomach. I actually spent time researching a tummy tuck. I know I still have fat on my stomach but 50% of what bothers me is loose skin. I have fat for years and this is different. With pants I can even tell the difference between the fat and loose skin, my pants all have rolls hanging over them because of skin, I am not stuffed into pants too small, because if I go any larger they fall off of me, and the 10's fit everywhere else...legs, hips, and butt.

I am just so mad! I did what I was supposed to, I ate right, and worked out, why do I have to have this gross stomach.

Today I actually called and made an appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon, I made it for September. It will be just after my one year anniversary of when I started my weight loss journey. I figure I should be close to goal, and have a healthy BMI. I am also seeing about a breast reduction, I currently wear a 38 G. Running is killing me I have permanent scars on my shoulder where my bra digs into my shoulder.

So that is my vain self coming through, 2 kids and a massive weight loss is doing havoc on my body. I just want to be happy with that body, I have busted my ass to loose the weight I do not want to be embarrassed about myself ever again.

Funny thing is I never was as embarrassed about my 250 pound body as I am right now, but like Ryan reminded me I had reached a point I just stopped caring too.

work and thoughts

2010-04-10T20:16:00.003-04:00

You know if I need a pick me up work is were it is at! I work part time as a server at the Cheesecake Factory, horrible food choices but a great please to make a little extra money for the family and not ever have to worry about a babysitter. Friendly reminder tip your server, we only make 4 dollars an hour.

The funny thing about this part time job is the support about my weight loss from the people I work with is amazing. The first person that noticed my weight loss was one of managers, he was the very first person that noticed and did not know I was trying to lose weight he just notice I was getting smaller, in fact now he refers me to "slim." People are always giving me compliments, and telling me how great I look. It seriously helps me stay motivated. One person told me I looked like a went on the biggest loser.

I realised through all of this, all these people at work want to see me succeed. They are all rooting for me. And they are having fun watching me shrink before there very eyes.

I also thought about how rare it is for someone to start and lose a large amount of weight. I have bigger friends who yes of lost weight but never all they needed, but I only know one friend who lost 50+ pounds and kept it off. This is something that is hard, it takes a life long commitment, and when you start this there are times your old life style rears its ugly head(hello 10 pounds), but today I realised I like being the person that can accomplish something HUGE (no pun intended).

So for all of you (and me) on this journey know we are working toward something that most people never even start, and few ever carry on. So I am not going to let the small things get me down, I am going to keep on working because the thinner Katie is emerging as some one who is not only healthier and thinner, but also stronger.

I just hope everyone has the support system I have, my parents my friends my co worker and obviously blogger world have helped me...so Thanks!

Day 3 of eating right! Goals set.

2010-04-09T10:13:00.003-04:00

Things are going good, I have managed to stay away from everything bad. Surprising the the large weight gain has motivated me to stay true to me goal.

I was thinking about goals and my goal to lose 100 in 1 year means I have 40 pounds to lose in 5 months. My concern is that may not be the most feasible, so my new goal is to be a healthy BMI by August 11th. That would mean I have 30 pounds to lose, little more realistic. I have to really stick to it and work hard though. I could have easily been in the 170's if I had not slacked so much these last 3 months.

Goals...
1. Be 170 on Sophie's 1st Birthday. I was 270 when I delivered her, so techincally that will be losing 100 pounds in a year=)

2. Run 3 days a week 3-7 miles, run it all as well no slacking.

3. Eat my points the right way, I have less now than ever before, so if I want to not always be hungry I have to eat them right. So that means more veggies, fruit, and not using points to eat crap procesed foods.

4. Drink my water, this is something I really got away from the last few months. I was doing great with water, then I sort of stopped and went back to my diet coke addiction. Now I need to restart the water and have my Diet coke as a special thing not as 90% of the liquid I get.

5. MOVE MORE EAT LESS! just had to state the obvious goal.

6. Be a helathy BMI (160) on my start date anniversary...August 11th.

Blah blah the fall happened

2010-04-06T23:34:00.002-04:00

So I never thought I would be one of THOSE people you know the one that gains....well I did almost 10 pounds since my surgery.

no excuses, just going to focus on tracking, and training.

This week I am trying the no sugar...its easy for me to say that now because after my weigh in and my plan for tomorrow I did what I also said I would never do and ate more easter candy. I am on a sugar high, so it is always easy to say no more sugar this week. It is the same as saying I will never smoke again after just finishing a ciggerette. It is all the best of intentions UNTIL the cravings hit.

So here it goes...

working out.

2010-03-19T07:53:00.000-04:00

I am taking an easy still. I am doing 30 minute walks, while Riley has her gymnastics class. Maybe there is something wrong with me but unless I am sweating and breathing hard I do not feel that it was productive, and a 30 minute walk does not even come close.

IT makes me think back to what I used to consider "working out" I would walk up the street and back down, about 1.2 miles, and congratulate myself on that, then follow it up with a treat of some kind. I used to love to take the .5 mile walk to the gas station by our house, to go get candy, chocolate, or ice cream, the walk the .5 mile back, and eat about 400 calories in snacks. I would walk around the mall for a couple of hours, and follow it up with a trip to Mrs. Fields. They had the buy 3 items get the fourth free, I would eat 2 right away, bring home the other 2, one for me and one for my husband. I always rewarded my measly exercises with a something bad for me.

I will say I was lucky, Even at my fattest I was able to stay some what fit. I never had knee problems, or back problems. Sure after a long walk my feet would ache but I just thought that everyone felt that way. So when I started actually working out I was able to push myself. I was pretty certain that I could run the 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 15 minutes. Now with the slight set back I am going to up that to 2 hours and 30 minutes.

My entire out look on working out has changed, I love to push myself see how much I can do. I think that is why I chose running, it is something I can see every time I run, I can go faster and farther than ever before.

I love that certain things have changed in my life forever, I can never see eating the way I used to ever again. I also can never see me wanting to not work out, sure I will slack ow and then but these past couple of weeks have proven to myself that it is an important part of my life. I miss it so much!

YAY! 183.8

2010-03-16T19:56:00.003-04:00

Loosing a gall bladder was nice to me. I am down 6 pounds! Now my goal is to just keep that this week. I really have to watch what I eat, because exercise is slow, today I walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill, and earned a measly 2 points, better than nothing but still not my 40-60 minute runs.

So goal this week is to maintain the loss from surgery, if I lose great, but it will not ruin anything. Next week I hope that I get the okay from my doctor to run again. It kills me though, today is a gorgeous 55 degree day, and I could not run.

So I start my week at 183.8...68 pounds lost since August 11Th.

Holy pregnancy!!

2010-03-16T08:35:00.002-04:00

Note to self DO NOT DRINK THE BLOG WATER!!!

Okay just doing my daily reading (I needed to do 2 weeks of catch up) and read 3 of my blogger friends announced they are pregnant!

Congrats to Learning to be less, Jenn at Watch my Butt Shrink, and Laura at Monday Starts today!

Feeling better everyday!

2010-03-15T21:15:00.003-04:00

I am scared right now. I am healing a little everyday, I had the laparoscopy surgery done, so I should be back to 95% in 2 weeks. My surgon said I will be able to do everything in 4 weeks.

That is 4 weeks off from strength training, I hope to be okay to run in another week. I do not like this in fact I am getting panic attacks, because lack of working out. I think part of me thinks I will wake up and be 250 pounds again. Everytime I look in the mirror I think I see weight I am gaining.

Tomorrow I have my weigh in, last week I missed it because of an attack. It is hard for me to even guess what the scale will say, I could have lost 10 pounds or gained 5 I guess I will know tomorrow.

The only thing that totally keeps me from freaking out is the less of an appitite I am having right now. It is coming back slowly now but until yesterday I had not one complete meal.

So I will let you all know about tomorrow...Oh one thing I forgot to tell blog world, I own a pair of size 8 jeans.....that fit!!!!

I am back... minus a gall bladder.

2010-03-13T18:41:00.002-05:00

I am back.

The past month or so I had these really intese stomach pains, I chalked it up to a stomach ulcer or bad heart burn. Long story short, it turns out I had gall stones. I went to the ER tuesday night with horrible pains and left the hospital yesterday without my gall bladder.

Bad news is that obviously excersising is taking a back seat to healing.

Good news is I have zero appitite I eat only enough of what is good for me and not much more.

189.2

2010-02-23T20:27:00.002-05:00

Well its better than a gain, but not the 187 I saw yesterday.

Finally I have had 2 weeks of consecutive losses.

Okay going to meet with a personaly trainer now.

MIA

2010-02-22T13:30:00.002-05:00

Okay so I was in Michigan for the past few days. I went to a Michigan State Hockey game, they won! I also went to a Michigan State basketball game they lost=( My almost 3 year old has learned the entire fight song, and will sing it all the time for anyone. It does this mommy's heart proud, she even told Ryan and I, "Mommy that my school!"

As for diet and excersise, I did pretty great. I did not track but I made great decisions, I had tuna, and stir fry. Breakfast at Holiday inn express has these amazing cinnamon rolls, I only split one with my husband one day, the other day I did not eat any. I also got work outs in, I ran 3 and half miles one day, the other day I only made it 3 miles, I drank the night before and it killed me, I ran till I lost 300 calories, then stopped.

Today was a fun exciting day I had a total fitness assesment!

Hear are my numbers...

Current weight 187
Height 5 ft 7.25 in
Blood pressure 118/76
resting heart rate 53
BMI 28.4

Measurements
waist 38 (in.)
Hip 42.5 (in.)
Waist/hip ratio .89(this is bad very high risk it should be under .8)
right arm 11.75(in.) left arm 11(in.) Can you tell what arm I carry the baby in?
Right thigh 22.75(in.) Left thigh 22.5(in.)
right calf 17(in.) left calf 17(in.)

%Body fat (skin folds)

Triceps 17.5 mm
Abdomen 31.5 mm
Supra Ileum 25 mm

Total 74 mm = 30% Rating...borderline high risk GOAL less than 23%

Good news is I have a very high lean mass. If i was to loose weight without lossing any lean mass, and have a 0% body fat I would be 131 pounds!

So to be in the 23% range what is healthy, I need to be 170 pounds. WOOHOO

To be a healthy BMI i need to weigh 160, but the trainer is starting with the body fat first, so my goal is to be 170 by June.

There is a ton of numbers, most on which I don't get, I am kind of bummed that I didn't do this 65 pounds ago, just to see what I have done. I do want to say tomorrow is weigh in day at WW, and if the scale at the YMCA is any indication, I will be in the 180's, but the only weight I count is my weekly weigh in at WW. Here is hoping they match=)

New low

2010-02-16T19:53:00.002-05:00

Now if i just play my cards right I could be out of the hellish 190's

I lost and I am down to 190.4

Before I get excited, I have not had 2 consecutive losses since December.

I love my husband!

2010-02-15T12:02:00.003-05:00

So my wonderful husband did not buy me candy for Valentines day, he did not buy me flowers, he did not buy me choclate, and he did not take me out for a fancy dinner date. He did something 1000x's better! He bought me running pants. They are real ones too, Nike...if you know me you would know I refuse to ever buy anything name brand for myself, but Ryan bought these so that is awesome!

I have worked out a crap load this week so I do not have any doubt that I will have a loss this week! Today I ran 5 miles and when Ry gets home I plan to go run or eliptical.

While running I was thinking about how hard I have been on myself for still being in the 190's. So I started thinking about what is better in my life right now.

1. I can wrap a towel around myself. Not an extra large one, a normal bath towel.

2. I can shop for all "normal" size clothes, one that button up, zip up, and even dressses are now all "normal" sized.

3. I can run period, never mind the fact that I can run farther and faster than I even excpected.

So as a rule amd I happy in the 190's?? NO, but I sure like the 190 pound Katie a whole lot more than the 252 pound Katie!

Stair master grrr

2010-02-12T00:21:00.002-05:00

So the stair master made me its B*tch tonight. I want to start adding a little extra cardio in the mix, just because some running days are less than others so this way I can even it out.

Tonight all ellipticals were fill up=( So I decided to try the stair master, I only needed 12 minutes on it to make my hour complete, so I set the time and figured level 8 (1-20) sounded like an easy enough start. I chose fat burn PLUS for my work out and start going...holy crap. I made it 6 minutes before I wanted to cry like a baby.

Now I am going to make that my little goal, work that stair master till I can do 12 minutes.

Side note about running I ran/walked 5.75 miles today. I ran at noon, but didn't make it far because I made the mistake of eating right before going in, so I got a side cramp and walked the rest on a very high incline. Then later I went again, Ryan had set the time to work out then he had to work, so I went in his place. This time I ran my 5k, I did it in 32 minutes this time. I feel great.

I also had my BMI evaluated today. After new Years I went in and had a real BMI done on me. I measured in at 29.9 just under obese and I was simply overweight.

Today even though I weigh the same as I did then...exactly the same to be honest (ouch it still hurts to say that!), I had a BMI of 28.4. I am thrilled it means even without losing weight I am getting leaner. SO things are changing.

As happy as I am about that I really still need the scale to change, I wouldn't mind if at 160 I was a healthy BMI and I could quit then, but I am still in the 190's and unless your over 6 feet tall I don't think there is such thing as a health 190!

Oh my friend gave me idea after talking to her...I think for lent I am going to give up all sugar. Yes I am writing that in blog land so that is now a binding statement and means I have no choice but to follow through now!

I think I can do it...Diet Coke and all.

Good thing I have some time till lent...wait when does lent start??

Dreading having to post this=(

2010-02-11T14:57:00.003-05:00

So another fricken gain this week.

.8 up. That is sad because my new low is gone. this week I am trying to do everything right. I even will be able to get 2 work outs in today.

Oh I tired my first lara bar. It was amazing. Just a little high in calories but I think better for me and longer lasting than the old fall back of fiber one bars. I had the pecan pie. But it was still 5 WW points. If it was 3 I definitely would be buying a box, but 5 just seems a little too much. But it will be a treat for myself now and then. I will keep a couple in the cupboard for when I need a sweet treat.

Slowed down

2010-02-08T23:23:00.003-05:00

So with my leg healing I felt slower today, I only did the 5k in 36 minutes. Still not bad figuring I used to average 15 minute miles. I also ran on an incline, keeps the calorie count high.

My leg is healing and because of that, it scabs over, when I run it opens the cut, and it hurts. I run through because that is what a bad*ss I am=)

Tomorrow is weigh in, I did have a 3 day work out, so I am not feeling to sure about it. I feel best when I get in 4 or 5 work outs, 3 is just bare miniumum. So I think I will be at the gym tomorrow kicking it biggest loser style and busting my butt till they kick the girls out of child watch(2 hour limit). I have a 50 minute run, followed by my 15 minutes of strength training, I think I will top it all off with either

45 minutes of bike
or 45 minutes of eliptical

or 22.5 minutes of both to change things up.

Or I can start off with a swim and then go for a run....what to do what to do?

back on track.

2010-02-05T11:48:00.003-05:00

It is getting more difficult these days. When I started Weight watchers I had 42 points to eat a day(roughly the same as 2000 calories). I was nursing 100%, and was fat.

Now I have 30 points. Things are not as easy. I used to have 10 points at the end of the day to just eat whatever. Those points are gone, now I have to start planning, figuring out how to get the most bang for my buck!

The good thing is I am getting strong, I can run farther and faster than I ever thought I could. I am at almost 10 minute miles. I can do 3 miles without thinking much of it. In fact I want to push myself harder, but I stay on the 10k prep plan. I am running another 8k in one month and to be honest it does not scare me at all, this time I know I will be running it in under an hour, my goal is to beat Ryan's turkey trot time!

So diet is rough, and only going to get more difficult, but work outs are only getting easier and more fun by the day.

YES YES finally!

2010-02-02T20:09:00.001-05:00

I am at a new low...191.8, 60 pounds lost.

Finally I reached a new low.

I should be out of the 190's next week!

I want to thank everyone

2010-02-01T22:43:00.002-05:00

I forgot to say thank you, For the suggestions, and the encouragement everyone gave me.

I had a pity party and I am working hard to make sure the weight gains stop and then start to go back down.

I bought a food scale, I kept thinking about it before, but was losing weight so easy and fast that I figured I was fine. Well now I know I need it.

This week I did fine excpet for one day, the day my best friend left. I ate before to deal with the emotions, and then ate again with her, and had beer. So again I am not sure what to excpect this week. I need to stop letting this happen.

But thanks to my husband I got out and excersised everyday I was supposed to. Even with the fall I feel great I got there. Tomorrow I will see how things go whether I am swimming, or running. My leg feels better now, but still has some throbbing to it.

No I didn't fall off the wagon, but I did fall...

2010-02-01T21:40:00.002-05:00

My Uncle gave me a great book for Christmas, "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall. I found out I was running all wrong and today was ready to just enjoy a run for the sake of running. No intervals no start no stop just go and go. So I did a 5 minute warm up, bumped up to an 8 minute mile, smiled that I can do this, reached for my water took a sip, and BAM!!

I fell off the the treadmill, the really cute really tiny girl next to me was worried, but I hopped back up and continued my run at a 10:30 minute mile. I also went back to intervals. I was running and really didn't think anything about it till I heard the cute girl say to her friend a 20 minutes later "did you see her poor leg?" that is when I looked down, and saw the treadmill took the skin off my leg.

So at that point now that I noticed it, my leg started throbbing, but I was 20 minutes in and over half way done with a 5k. So I kept on running, figuring that I had to finish I made it this far. I finishd the 5k, and the 2 minute cool down in 34 minutes! I have never run to fast in my life. I think the pain drove me to finish sooner, because I kept bumping up the speed to get the 5 k done faster. I finished, grabbed my coat and left.

I came home and my husband was sweetly concerened, and then when he saw that I was okay he was his normal funny self. He wanted to know if I skinned my knee on purpose to have a better weigh in...a little less skin has to make me wiegh a little less=)

I love that man!

I think I might just swim tomorrow, I also think the ultra marathon the book made me want to do, probably won't happen.

P*ssed off!

2010-01-27T14:15:00.003-05:00

Okay so I know I did not track for 2 days. But no where in that 2 days did I feel I went over board, and ate too much. In fact I have done that before with losses, my only worry is without tracking I am taking away a big weight loss, and instead usually have smaller ones in the 1-2 pound range.

Well I worked out last week and I am in week 6 of a 10 k training program, meaning I am ran 30-40 minutes 4 days last week. So I figured even if I kind of slipped I would be okay.

Well excuse this language but...F#@& this! I gained again this week. It was a small gain but still .2 up. Seriously I wanted to punch the guy. If you have ever gone to WW you know you walk in get weighed in, if you lose they smile and say congrats, if you gain the do not say anything, this guy would not make eye contact. I do not even know how this happened. I seriously am at a loss, the 2 other times I gained I was able to pin point why and when I messed up. This time I seriously can not figure how this happened.

The thing is I am mad about gaining, but mostly I am mad, for 2 other reasons. First one the entire month of January, I have lost a total of .2 pounds! That is nothing.

The second reason is, if weight loss is this hard to lose in the 190's what the hell am I going to do when I am in the 160's? And if I can gain without knowing why in the 190's, how the "bleep" am I going to maintain in the 150's?

I am not giving up I am just p*ssed, I just want to cry, eat and give up.

But I won't I will not let the 190's beat me, in fact it is now my goal to get out of them in 1 week! That means I have to lose 4 pounds this week, and damnit I will!

P.s. sorry for the language in this post, I rarely if ever swear, but if you didn't read into it I am a tad bit peeved=)

Tomorrow's weigh in

2010-01-25T15:37:00.002-05:00

Well this weekend I broke my 2 week rule and did not track on Saturday and sunday.

I have 1001 excuses about why I just couldn't, but all of them are pointless. So I believe I made good choices. But the scale will be the tell all tomorrow.

I also have worked out only 3 days this week. Again 1001 excuses, but all are stupid. The only thing I can say is this weeks workouts are more intense than the previous week. Today I ran/walked 47 minutes in intervals, 25 minutes of it was running.

So I falling back on hope something I swore I never would do! I hope I did enough to loose weight. I hate to hope, hope has no place in weight loss!! I feel if I step on the scale hoping it says I lost, I am screwed.

I feel I did pretty well this week, but because I did not track for 2 days I can not say for sure. So all I have left is to say I hope I did, not I KNOW I did.

I want to see the 180's and I never will if I sit hoping, that is what Fat Katie did!

Ponderings

2010-01-23T11:36:00.002-05:00

Okay so I wanted to address the size 10 jeans, someone commented about being about the same weight and not fitting in size 10's. I am 5'7 and half(the half is important), I also have no hips or butt. I never have, hips and butt have never been a problem area for me, in fact I always have worn a pants size 2 sizes smaller than my dress size. So right now I considers myself a size 12 pants, with some size 10's fitting, but dresses, I wear a size 16, with maybe a size 14 here or there that would fit.

I carry all my weight in my stomach and chest, sad thing is everyone complains about losing boobs when they lose weight, me that is the very last thing that goes=( I finally dropped 2 bra size I am no longer a 42 H, I am a 38 F.

I get excited about being able to fit in shirts. Ones that button up, because at 252 I bought a size 24 shirt, but was an 18 pants(that were extremely tight). So now at 193, I just bought a size XL shirt that fits YAY, and found a size 10 pants that are a little tight but fit. My my calculations I figure at my gaol weight of 150, I will wear a size 6 pants, and a 10 dress.

I also was pondering why 5 years ago when I met my husband, and was only about 5 pounds heavier was a size 10 so foreign, I realized because now I am 5 months into working out. I do both cardio and strength training, so while I am getting thinner I am also getting leaner. These past few months I have been more active than I have been since I played sports in high school.

So I am thrilled I am ONE pair of size 10's, but I am still a size 16 dress!

Size 10 jeans!

2010-01-22T12:25:00.002-05:00

So a friend of mine about 4 years ago gave me a bunch of her clothes she got to skinny for(thanks Liz). I was going to lose weight for real that time. I was about 220, and this time I was going to get serious, I told everyone that I was going to do it this time. I even had someone to do it with(not Liz), we had a plan, a plan that we made while smoking in my back yard.

I told Liz about how I wanted to lose weight and she had just shed a few pounds and had clothes that didn't fit her anymore, so she gave me all these 10's, stuff I could not even button up but I would soon I swore. Well I obviously did not follow through with that weight loss, our start date was July 1st, and I found out I was pregnant with Riley on July 4th. I did quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant, but my resolve to eat right, and walk everyday at least 15 minutes was thrown out the window, because I was now eating for 2(apparently I though that meant I would be eating for 2 grown men), and exercise I was too sick, too tired, heck I used ever excuse in the book.

So back to those jeans I put them in a box in my basement and never thought of them again. The other day I got sick and tired of my size 12 falling off my butt when ever I did anything. I went through some boxes found these 10's from American Eagle, put them on and holy crap they fit! They are a bit tight, but not constricting tight. They are completely comfortable and do not leave marks when I take them off. I figure 5 pounds lost they are a perfect fit, but the defintly fit better than the 12's. So I am happy to say I may be spending a life time in the 190's it seems, but I am atleast doing it in a size 10 pair of jeans!

Oh and as a reward I promised myself when I have 2 weigh ins out of the 190's I will buy another pair of 10s for myself.

No Pudge.

2010-01-20T21:50:00.002-05:00

Okay I admit it I am a brownie addict. I love all brownies, back in my heavy days I would make a pan of brownies a week, and usually I would eat 2/3's of them. So for 24 weeks I have not made a single batch of brownies, I saw the No Pudge before but never bought them. Today Riley wanted to bake she asked 3 times, I figures today was the day I would try them.

We went to the store, and I looked at all the choices, Krustz, gluten free, and No Pudge, I went with the No Pudge. I will never go back!

They were amazing, I made them as cupcakes, it keeps me honest on what I eat. I made 10 cupcakes, the portion size on the box says 12. In each cup cake I put one piece of caramel, they came out absolutely wonderful, and only 3 points a cupcake.

Then I looked over the box, all ingredients were natural, unbleached flour, sugar, egg, and dutch coco. Seriously I am in love, no fat, low points and amazing taste!

Well it was better than the past 2 weeks, but still up

2010-01-19T22:02:00.001-05:00

I was down 4.2 pounds.

I am still up .4 pounds from my lowest. Not bad I could probably nurse .4 pounds away, but I still kick myself because I could be will into the 180's instead of spending nearly 2 months in the 190's.

I am 193.2.

Day 6

2010-01-19T08:53:00.002-05:00

Last night I did it I got day 4 in before weigh in day! I stopped at the gym on my way home. I did the eliptical for 30 minuites, and still had 15 minutes before the gym closed. So I thought what the heck I will run a mile, now I have been running on and incline for this entire time, to burn more calories. This time I did not put it on an incline, and just went straight to the run, and was able to do a 10 minute mile! Funny thing is I think I could have kept at that pace a mile or so more. I asked Ryan's opinion if he thought I should go off the 10k training program just to see how far I could run like that, he told me no, just keep at it.

I am loving the feeling of running...but still only after I run. I hate running while I am doing it on the treadmill. I did sign up for the Shamrock run. It is another 8k, and like the turkey trot there is free beer after. So I am sure Ryan is going to be in on this one too. I am also excited because after last night I know I will beat my turkey trot time.

Today is weigh in day so I am being extra good today, I started off the morning with an orange and 1 egg, 2 egg whites, with mushrooms, onions and a touch of cheese. A nice filling breakfast.

Day 3 and 4 and 5

2010-01-17T23:07:00.002-05:00

Okay so I have been running around life took hold for a bit. But I was good the past 3 days. I am staying true to my plan, and because I haven't blogged in 3 days I will not bore you with the lists of what I ate for 3 days. But trust me I was good I did go over on Saturday night. I needed a beer or 2 after work, and then ate 2 things I shouldn't have. But not enough to beat myself up about.

I need to work out tomorrow and have no clue when I am going to fit that in. Riley has her play date at the senior center. The little kids all get together and play in front of the elderly residents there. They love watching the kids, and some even get involved it is a wonderful thing for everyone. I can't go before that because childwatch was filled up(I called on saturday!)and after is too late, child watch ends at 1. I have to work at 5 and Ryan does not get home till 4. My only hope is that I get out before 8:30, the gym closes at 10, so if I get out before then I will have my gym bag bring it with me and stop on my way home. If not I will be working out twice on Tuesday! Once in the morning(already scheduled) and a second time before my meeting.

So that is my plan. So much to do it seems and never enough time.

Day 2

2010-01-15T11:51:00.003-05:00

Technically yesterday was day 2. I worked out for 1 hour and 10 minutes, I ate enough to satisfy me but did not over eat. I ended the day slightly under my points, 6 to be exact. But I did have a second small helping of mashed potato's that I did not add so that was what I figured it to be.

Yesterday, I at a large banana for breakfast (2 points)
Veggie burger on an Arnold's thin with cheese and salsa (4 points)
Carrots (0 points)
Sugar free pudding cup (1 point)
orange (1 point)

Ryan made a dinner from the WW magazine the cube steak and mashed potato's. IT was wonderful and we split ours into 3 portions, not 4. (9 points)
Roasted asparagus, with olive oil (3 points)

I had a fiber one bar and an ice cream sandwich as snacks....(4 points)

24 points....But I hate to eat for the sake of eating. I really felt happy and satisfied.

I am also thrilled my dad and sister are pledging to work out....anyone else?

2 weeks...day 1

2010-01-14T10:17:00.004-05:00

So actually yesterday was day 1 and I did not work out but stayed well within my points.

For breakfast I had an apple, and a banana...3 points

Lunch was Panera, Fuji Apple salad and half an oatmeal raisin cookie...16 points

Orange and carrots for a snack...2 points

Lean Cuisine pizza for Dinner...7 points

Ice cream sandwich for night snack...2 points.

30 points used.

Today I am working out, I am really excited my sister is going to work out 4 days a week for 2 weeks no exceptions, anyone else want to do this with us. Just 2 weeks and you have to move at least 30 minutes. It sounds easy but 2 kids and work I always find excuses to not make it, I am not letting myself do that this time. So Colleen is in....anyone else?

I am returning to the first week mentality. The first week on Weight watchers I was perfect, I tracked every point, I did not eat a bite of anything, I measured my foods, and did not eat anything extra. I may have cried, pouted and wondered the worth of it all, but I stuck with it. I walked in after that first week of WW and had a huge 9 pound weight loss. That huge weight loss was all I needed to stick with the plan, for the next 10 weeks I followed the plan to perfection with 3 pound weight losses pretty regularly. Then I started slipping, and pick at things and not track, I would eat a meal and just not count it. It was all good because I was still weighing in with 2 pound losses. Then I started working out, and hadn't touched my tracker for a month, I was losing but with no consistency, some weeks .4 pounds. I started slacking even more till we got to the now, where I had 2 gains in the last 2 weeks. So I am working hard this week to stay true to the WW plan, work out, and go in to WW with the confidence I had the first 10 weeks. I will work extra had to make sure the scale is friendly this week so it gives me the re start I need. I do not expect to have a 9 pound weight loss like my first week but a good one will really help my morale=)

I wanted to thank Katie J. for my very first ever blog award I am so excited I almost cried about it. Even my sister Colleen called up excited for me....I will be doing the award in a separate post tonight. Thank you Katie J...can I give it back to you?

So now its time to face the music

2010-01-13T13:41:00.004-05:00

So I fell off the wagon, when I actually sat down and looked at what I ate the past 2 weeks it is no wonder I gained 4.8 pounds in 2 weeks! Yes this week I gained again I had 1.6 pound gain. One part is something I have no control over really. I am nursing my baby, and we are slowly transitioning into foods. So I have to figure out how much less I have to eat to make up for the not nursing as much, but still keeping my supply up. So pretty much the 500 calories I would burn a day for just nursing is coming to an end. This week I am taking 2 points off a day for nursing (about 150 calories less I will eat for all you non weight watcher folks), and this week I am doing something I have been getting bad at. I am tracking again.

Today I ate a banana an apple, went to Panera ordered the salad I have been eating for 5+weeks only to find out the salad is over 500 calories and 20 grams of fat. I also ate half of Riley's cookie, another 4 points there. I have 15 points left for the rest of day. Not bad and completely doable.

Okay so what is going on....I lost 55 pounds rather quickly and I think I got a little cocky, even sometime when I would eat something not great for me, or ate too much I would still end the week with a loss. Now I am getting to uncharted weight territory, and I think I really start to think my sh*t didn't stink. I had all the wonderful compliments I would share my success, while slowly behind close doors I started snacking, not like I did pre WW, but nonetheless I was over eating fiber bars, WW ice cream. Then I went the week of Christmas without tracking at all, but doing some crazy exercises with my dad, and had people watching me keeping me in check, so that 5.2 weight loss I really got sloppy the next week. If is seriously look at that week I can see why I gained, and this last week I thought I did better but looking back...I know I didn't. True I am sure there were weeks before these two, that ate bad 1 day but the other 6 I would be good. These past 2 weeks there was something I did to sabotage each and ever day. Also last week I only worked out 2 days...for a grand total of 10 points. When I started my work I was doing 7 point work outs I need to start doing that 15 extra minutes of either biking or elliptical.

This week is a start over, I tracked everything I have eaten, I will not take any Bites, licks, or tastes of anything. I will also up my water.

If I want to be as healthy as possible now I start the actual work, the sacrifice of foods, for the first 55 pounds it was almost too easy. I am going to bust my own arse to lose the 4.8 pounds in the next 2 weeks, I want it gone as quickly as it came.

Rules for the next 2 weeks

1. Work out 4 days!

2. use my 33 points only, no flex points no activity allowed.

3. Track EVERY SINGLE day.

4. Blog what I ate.

Still pouting...

2010-01-07T16:39:00.002-05:00

I am still not happy. I weight myself at the gym and it showed 194, so that is 2 pounds less than the 196 I weigh in at. Still is 1 pound over the previous weeks weigh in. I keep going over what went wrong in my head, and I seriously have to stop.

I also have been horrible I have not tracked this week...so tonight I start the tracking!

Good thing I ran again today, I am on easy recover week and it doesn't feel very easy to be honest. I am doing intervals of 3 minutes running and 2 minutes walking. I had to do that 6 times and seriously did not think I was going to make it. I think I might have to do this week twice. Running is definitely not something my family is know for, but I am stubborn and I want to set out and prove I can run. So that is working in my favor. I love that stubborn, defiant, competitive person I have in me, I know my husband doesn't like her that much, but that bitch keeps me going to the gym.

I keep debating about taking some extra money we have and buying a wii fit plus, I do not want it for a work out regimen but it would be nice to have something a little extra to do when the girls nap for 30 minutes, or at night even. I have heard 2 positive reviews and 1 only so so review....anyone in blogger land have an opinion?

WTH!?!?! This is new to me grrrrr

2010-01-06T07:52:00.003-05:00

Seriously a gain this week, it makes me want to cry! Not even a small one, I gained 3.2 pounds. I have no idea why, I did have a few things that when she first said you gained I thought back to the steak and shrimp New Years dinner, the 3 drinks I had that night. I thought back to the anniversary dinner, knowing pasta is not always the best but all just ate one piece of bread, and ordered the marinera with mushroom sause on my pasta, and 2 glasses of wine. I thought back to the entire bag of tootsie rolls I ate, I did track those too. I thought of my 3 required workouts I did and that was all. I usually throw a couple more in but didn't this week.

Okay so a gain, I figured sure this wasn't the most perfect of weeks, so give it to me what is the damage....I was UP 3.2 pounds WTH!?!?! I seriously wanted to cry, sure this wasn't my best week but I can not figure how ten thousand points snuck into my diet this week.

I have been doing this for 22 weeks now and lost every single week, no one gain ever, and then BAM! this week hit me like a load of bricks. Please blogland can you please tell me what might have caused such a large gain. This is new and uncharted territory for me and I do not like it one bit!

The roller coaster

2010-01-05T00:44:00.002-05:00

Some days I am thrilled with myself.

But then there are the days I look in the mirror and still see a huge stomach.

Some days I feel my collar bones, and new found hip bones, and want to jump for joy.

But then there are the days I realize I can still grab handfuls of fat on my back.

Some days I rub my back and notice that I no longer have a fat roll resting on another one.

But then there are days I realize I only got rid of the small roll, the big one is still there.

Some days I look at certain pictures and notice with glee I am missing a chin or 3!

But then there are days I still notice that there are still 2 chins.

Some days I try on clothes and pout because non of my old clothes fit, they are all to big!

But then there are days that I try on clothes my friend brought over, or that have been in boxes for 10 years, and they don't fit either...too small.

It almost seems like it is harder to be half way into this journey, I get all the joys of the shock and excitement, but I am still far away from the thin, marathon running, health freak I have pictured in my head. Right now I am still just Katie trying my damnedest to not eat the potty M & M's(Riley's reward for using the potty is M& M's).

To me it is a struggle every day. If I look back at the big picture sure I will say its not hard, if I can do it ANYONE can. But the day to day struggle, does get to me, the getting up and going to the gym, the picking the right foods, when all I want is the wrong one. The sitting down and writing all the food in, so I stay accountable. These are the things I have to do everyday.

In the end I will look back at this time, and be glad I did it, be glad I followed through, but I really want this first year to be done!

Darn I hate all the buts in this post.

I am cold, and I have a jacket now.

2010-01-03T16:45:00.003-05:00

Last year every single time I went to my mother in laws house she would yell at me for not wearing a jacket. I would always tell her the same thing, "I never get cold", funny thing is I almost beleived that lie. I had a jacket a very nice Columbia Ski jacket, that I bought 3 years ago, that I could not zip up, or heck even move my arms comfortly in. So I would wear it only when absolutly needed, most times I would just have it in the car.

This year I always have it on, and I could probably fit in the large now too. I would love to say that because I am losing the weight I am now colder, but the truth is I was so embaressed by my not fitting in that really nice jacket, that I would just tell people I was never cold.

My next goal is to wear this jacket I bought at the gap years ago(10 years to be exact). I think I only wore it a handful of times before I grew out of that one. It is a nice spring one that I will be wearing all spring. I can not wait till I do not have to lie and pretend I am not cold in 55 degree weather too.

IT is funny to me the more I lose the more I realized how much I lied to myself to justify the weight. If you had asked me 6 months ago how my extra weight affected my life I would have told you not at all or if any very little. Now as I am shedding my fat suit I now know how much it did, and how great this feels.

I am the 50 degree day!

2010-01-01T23:27:00.003-05:00

Talking to my best friend, she told me how I am right now the 50 degree day!

First off if you live and always have lived in warm weather this will not make sense, but I was born and Raised in West Michigan, and now reside in Buffalo,so this analogy is perfect for me.

The other day sitting around talking to Julia, I was telling her how everyone is telling me how great I look, and how proud they are of me, and so on and so on. I love it, and it makes me feel amazing to know I am doing this, BUT...all the complements sometimes makes me feel I am done. I am so not done, in fact I have weighed this much before and my mother (who I love and is one of my biggest cheerleaders) once saw me at the weight I am now, and told me I looked bad and needed to lose weight.

So what is the difference between that 22 year old who gained 30 pounds in one year and weighed 195, and the 31 year old who just lost 60 pounds and weighs 195??

That is where the 50 degree day comes into play.....

Winter hits hard in west Michigan and Buffalo, and when it does it often seems like there is no end in sight...then that first 50 degree day hits. It is wonderful you see people outside, people running, kids at the park, no one wears a jacket insisting it is gorgeous and no need for one. Everyone looks forward to this as the beginning, knowing warm weather is in sight.

Then the opposite of that that first 50 degree day after Summer. In this area you usually get one before the end of September. You hear people crying about how cold it is, and people bundle up and stay inside insisting it too cold for anything else. Most people look at this first 50 degree day as the first day of winter.

So that explains me right now I am neither the fat girl I once was, nor am I the thin healthy girl I want to be soon. And because I am on the losing side of this, people like my mom see this 50 degree day as a wonderful great thing with more things to come. Unlike the last time I was this weight, because I gained, she saw as a bad thing that was only going to get worse.

But unfortuantly no one dreams of 50 degree weather. That kind of weather in Buffalo is just a preview of what is too come. I right now am just the preview of what is to come...

New Year new me!

2009-12-31T08:39:00.003-05:00

This 2009 was a good one for me. The best part of the year was my new gorgeous baby girl.

I can not believe she already 6 months old, she is such a roley poley happy baby.

The second thing I am most proud of is my new self. Six weeks after I had Sophie I weighed 252 pounds. I felt like crap, I had to go to a plus size store to buy clothes, and I wasn't the smallest size there even. I had to take a shirt back because 18/20 was too small. I bought a size 20 pants! I hit rock bottom the day I looked around at my family and saw I weighed more than everyone in it, including my 6'3 brother.

So thanks to my parents I joined WW, the first week I cried, pouted, and complained. I did so much I also anounced my weight not just to blog land, but to EVERYONE. I started this blog, joined a gym. Started cooking new and exciting things. In the almost 5 months since I started this journey I lost 60 pounds. I have just 40 left! I also am not longer obese, according to the BMI calculator I am now overweight. I also took what is your real age and I came up as 30.9, I just turned 31 on Christmas so I am even doing well with that.

There is one other thing about 2009 I am very proud of I speent 2009 smoke free! I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Riley, but I am ashamed to admit I started up after I had Riley. When I found out I was pregnant with Sophie I quit again. This time with new determination, that I will never start again, and I haven't. Now with all the excersise I seriously can't ever again because there is no way I could run a half marathon and be a smoker, but I can not be 252 pound half marathon runner either!

Weigh In day....

2009-12-29T20:09:00.002-05:00

5.2 pounds!!!

Seriously, I know it is for 2 weeks. So I don't know what to think or how it happened. But yes 5.2 pounds I must really focus the next few weeks because if i can LOSE 5.2 pounds the week of Christmas and my birthday....well then I can do anything!

WOOOHOOO 5.2 pounds lost=))))))))

The week! and 39 points earned!

2009-12-28T23:15:00.003-05:00

Okay so to begin, why I didn't have a weigh in last week.

Last week my husband called me after work and said he HAD to go shopping on Tuesday(my WW weigh in day), and no other day would work. At first I was okay with that, I will just bring the kiddo's. Then I realized all my WW stuff was in his car. So then it was a big ole fight, that he didn't care and why did he have to go on Tuesday when he knows its the one day I do something, well you will soon find out why I had to eat those words...So anyways I didn't get to weigh in.

Wednesday was a crazy day Riley and her friend went to Chuck-e-cheese, and had a ton of fun, then we finished off last minute Christmas shopping.

Thursday was Christmas eve. The entire day I spent doing laundry, and packing and last minute wrapping. Following with Christmas eve dinner at My in laws, with the traditional Polish Wigilia. It is a meal with no meat, the fish my Mother in law usually makes is fried. My wonderful sweetheart of a husband brought my favorite Cajun seasoning, and broiled my fish. He also made me my perogi's a healthy way not fried in sticks of butter like everyone elses. Then Santa came early and surprised my both me and Riley with Bikes!!! Yay!! I have my very own bike now=)) The reason I am eating my words from the fight on Tuesday, he went to his union vacation savings plan to take money out and pay cash for them, they were only open on Tuesday, hence the reason he couldn't be home in time for me to go to WW. Wow I am a bitch for saying he doesn't care=((

So then after that party we left Buffalo at midnight drove all night to my parents house in Michigan. Got there had a happy WW friendly breakfast opened presents, then Ryan and I crashed for a few hours. We woke up had a few more presents ate out Turducken(AMAZING!!), drank to much wine(my favorite kind!), had a great ww dessert, and a couple not so weight watcher friendly cookies.

Next day went out with my brother his girl friend and a few others, ate out and I was not so good, then went to one of the friends houses not so good again, but it wasn't my fault they had home made popcorn!!!

So I stayed on track I think pretty well I did not track, but I did exercise in all this. My dad introduced me to Snow shoeing! This is not easy and I was able to keep up and not embarrass myself. The first day it was easy in the sense there was only 3 inches of snow, but the walk we did was difficult. Then next 2 days there was a ton more snow, I sweat so much the inside of my jacket was soaking wet. Total amount of snow showing I did for the past 3 days was 2 hours and 40 minutes! That is 39 activity points I earned...in 3 days!

So all in all I consider this wee a success, I will know for sure tomorrow!

I missed you all and hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T13:18:00.003-05:00

Happy birthday to me

and MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful, safe, and happy Christmas. I will be gone for a bit but will be back to explain why I did not have a weigh in day this week.

Staying on track even today and tomorrow.

This is hard!

2009-12-21T14:26:00.002-05:00

It is hard to choose the fish and not a giant hamburger with french fries.

It is hard to go to work on Saturday and not eat cream of chicken with artichoke soup.

It is hard to wake up in the morning get both girls ready and go to the gym.

It is hard to eat apple instead of chips.

It is hard to find good for you recipes that taste great too.

It is hard run when you feel like sitting on the couch.

It is hard to go grochery shopping and not buy some delicious baked good.

It is hard to not partake in the Sunday donut ritual.

There is so much that is still hard I still fight daily and will always. Somethings get easier with time, but the urge to binge eat is always there. There are times I still over eat, but atleast my house is filled with good otions so yes I can over eat but it is on apples with peanut butter, left over dinners, it is not ideal but it is better than oreos, donuts, and chips.

So everyday is a struggle, and somedays I win, and every week of this journey I have started I feel I won because I lost weight. I still beat myself up because I know I could do better, I did not track every day, and I have not worked out yet today.

I will continue on, but I am not always happy. I want to make Christmas cookies with Riley and have her decorate them, but I know if I do that I will eat half of them....so we don't=(

All these things are hard, but not as hard as it is to be fat!

Nope never going to eat like that again!

2009-12-18T23:43:00.002-05:00

I would like to thank another one of my really good friends for this blog idea. I was talking to my favorite mommy friend, if your a mommy I am sure you have one, the other mommy who has little ones at home and knows what it is like to not have adult conversation for hours, so you talk pretty much every single day. Well this friend was talking to me about my weight loss, asking me if when I lose all the weight will I eat certain things again.

I had to tell her no never again will I ever eat like I used to! We were discussing eating out, and how with my new healthy life style it is no longer fun. There are 2 main reasons, eating out with a 2 almost 3 year old is a fight, keeping her entertained and happy is nearly impossible. The second reason is the biggest, I always know what I will eat before I walk in the restaurant door. What I get is usually one of the 3 healthy items, all which I could make better.

So talking about this my friend totally understood the first reason, but the second confused her, she wanted to know why I could not just sometimes cheat. I told her sure there will be times I go out and enjoy myself but I will never eat bacon cheese fries, or awesome blossom for appetizers, then some cheesy creamy sauce over pasta, and finish it off with a dessert topped with ice cream, caramel, and chocolate. And that was a normal meal for me, and I would eat every bite.

So the answer is no I will never cheat, I will always order food that is on the healtier side, I do not ever see myself ordering anything fried, cheesey, creamy, or breaded ever again. And to be honest I am okay with that, I have learned to enjoy new falvors, and new tastes.

My best friend is home!!

2009-12-18T13:59:00.002-05:00

My best friend lives in France, and she is home for 6 weeks. I am so thrilled she is one of those rare people you meet and instantly and forever are best friends with. I have three of those in my life, my sister, husband and Julia. I met Julia when I was applying to work at the Cheesecake Factory, and we hit it off, and have been the closest of friends since. Even when she moved to Spain, and then France we still talk all the time. So you get is she is the best I could talk about how wonderful she is, just like I could tell you about my amazing husband and the best sister I have, but I will not bore you with the details...you get she is awesome.

So she is home, and her dad signed her up to join the gym I work out at, I am so excited because meeting up with someone is the motivation I need still. But her dad is buying it for her in hopes she will learn to like exercise. I hate to inform her I do it now it is habit but I still hate the actual act of working out. What I am addicted to is the feeling I get after I work out. That feeling of accomplishment that I pushed my body to do something I couldn't do 19 weeks ago.

I had that feeling when I completed the turkey trot, I felt a high. I learned from my sister this is normal, its called a runners high. It is the reason I signed up for the half marathon. I figure if I felt that great after 5 miles, I can only imagine the feeling I will get when I finish 13 miles.

SO that keeps me working out, I hope that she feels something. I had worked out before, and never stuck with it because to just work out for the sake of working out is not fun for me. As long as I keep finding goals to try for I will keep going to the gym. Everyone has a different motivation, and I can encourage her and meet up and for this six weeks she probably will do it because it is fun to have me around (because I am awesome like that). When she goes back home to Cannes France(lucky girl!), she will have to find her own motivation to keep going.

But that is beside the point, my best friend is home for 6 weeks I am going to horde every possible moment with her till she goes back.

What keeps you working out?

Stuffed Peppers and salsa chicken!

2009-12-17T11:25:00.003-05:00

Oh I have had 2 amazing dinners the past couple of days, one my husband swears is the best thing ever, and other I made and ate for the first time and can not wait to make again!

The First is salsa chicken with my additions...

So easy,
chicken breasts 3-4 depending on size roughly 1 pound
1 cup of salsa
Taco seasoning
cream of mushroom soup 98% fat free
Light sour cream
(next ones are my additions)1/2 cup brown rice
1 can black beans
few Jalapenos

Throw the chicken seasoning, salsa, soup, and jalapenos in the crock pot for 4-6 hours.

When 3-5 hours into the cooking add the rice and black beans and cook for one more hour. When done in the crock pot add the sour cream mix well and the shred the chicken. Then put over tortilla I like corn because they are healthier, my husband prefers flour.

It is so easy and my husbands favorite thing, he ate them for the next 3 days as well.

Next I had my first experience with stuffed green peppers, I do not know how I went my entire life without ever trying them, I love green peppers.

I kinda winged it and it turned out great.

1/2 95% lean ground beef
Uncle Ben's original rice prepared (I only added half the rice)
8 oz tomato sauce
Italian seasoning, add as much or as little as you like, I added roughly 1 tablespoon.
small onion
4 oz (it was what I had in the fridge) mushrooms cut up small.
Salt and pepper to taste
1/8 cup parm cheese
3 medium green peppers

I prepared the uncle Ben's rice, then brown the onions added the beef and mushrooms and cooked till brown, added the mushrooms tomato sauce, seasoning, salt pepper, rice, then the parm cheese. I cooked till the parm was all integrated in. then turned on low, cut the tops out of the peppers and stuffed them full of the mixture. Sprinkle with a Small amount of parm and Italian seasoning on each one, cook in the oven for 45 minutes at 375.

Both I highly recommend, neither tasted like "diet food."

Today I have been doing well. Yesterday I did awesome, had 10 points to eat at night, and I ate my normal ice cream bar (2 points) half the target Popcorn(5 points), then discovered a new love of animal crackers and ate half the bag(8 points).

Seriously what is wrong with me I can not go one entire day, I did so well, even gave myself a ton of night snacking points...and I still went over my daily points.

Well today is a new day...I will do it right! I even worked out, which is easiers said than done knowing I am working tonight.

What to eat?

2009-12-16T12:14:00.002-05:00

I was reading a blog about what to eat when you do not have enough time. She ended up eating a smart ones and not enjoying it. I did that often when I first started my journey. Now it I do not do it so much. I have learned to pre plan and one days dinner of chili made double in size gives me a much better frozen food option for the future.

I just started once a week making soup in the crock pot....a HUGE amount of soup. We eat that for dinner then freezing the rest in pre portioned containers. Now 4 weeks into it I have a freezer full of chili, black bean soup, chicken noodle, and beef and vegetable. When I need to just grab something quick for dinner or lunch I make a salad and eat on of my soups.

I also started making extra chicken breasts. When I cook I make 4 chicken breast, Riley eats only 1/2 or less of hers so I have 1 and half chicken breast, that I use to throw on a salad. I have become creative with my salads, I can make apple walnut ones, Mexican ones, one full of veggies (usually eaten before weigh in day), I have my own version of an Asian one, all takes me less than 5 minutes to put together.

I find these things and easy fix for hunger and much better tasting than the Smart ones or lean cuisines, even though I always have a couple in my freezer I get the pizza ones, not the greatest, but better than eating pizza out if that is what I am craving.

I do not pretend to know all the answers I am still early on this life long change, but I have slowly been turning away from processed foods, someday I hope to be a food snob and turn my nose up at any and all of them, but I am not there yet. I still have my fiber bars, and WW ice cream treats.

Oh and it is Wed. day after weight in day the day I usually over eat, today I have stayed on track, I ran and did the elliptical, signed up for tomorrows, Monday and Tuesdays workouts. I really am going to focus this week to stay 100% on track, like I did the first 10 weeks of my journey. The last 8 weeks I refuse to say I have been bad but I have been about 75% on track, that is why I have been having okay losses. So goals this week....

1. Go to the gym 4 days I have 3 days set up with childcare, the forth will have to be Saturday or Sunday.

2. Do not over eat, stay away from the M&M's, and stay within my daily points, no flex points are allowed this week.

3. Stay positive not look at the pictures of me in my sports bra and get depressed by how fat I still am, but instead focus on how far I have come. In a sense do what Katie J is doing...fake it!

Weigh in and new Pictures!

2009-12-15T20:20:00.005-05:00

Okay so I have been avoiding taking these pictures. I said I would start to take them in a sports bra, this is the first time since I was 15 I am showing my stomach. This would honestly be easier if everyone that read this blog were strangers, but I opened up and told everyone about my blog. So here they are pictures of me in a sports bra. I am doing this so I can really see the progress.

So weigh in went well it seems I am evening out on weight loss I lost 1.6 this week so I am now 198. I really really want to focus this week I want a nice loss, because the next week is Christmas, and my 31st birthday(yes my birthday is on Christmas!), I want to enjoy the Turducken my dad is making.

Editing to add, if you need any sort of motivation, visit Laura's blog and see her before and right now pictures.

Running is going well

2009-12-14T21:07:00.002-05:00

Now that I know I completely trained for my 8k wrong, I am doing great at this new one. I have gotten in my three days of running and 2 days of elliptical in this week. I earned 25 activity points this week, sad thing my dad earned 19 points in one day snow shoeing....I think I need to take up snow shoes!

Food wise I did okay I tracked 5 out of 7 days. I am using my "extra" points more now. Also soon Sophie will start food so all those calories I burn from nursing will be gone. It is a little sad this is the only time in my life I can burn 500 calories a day from sitting.

I haven't been able to blog as much as I used to. My baby is getting older and doesn't allow me blog time when Riley naps anymore. But I am still plugging away. I am looking forward to this half marathon so much.

The biggest new I have is...I have a pair of size 10 jeans and they fit!!! I know I am not a size 10, and the ones I have are big(in fact the waist is the same as a size 14 skirt I have, I held them up to it), but just to be in a 10 means in a month or 3 I will start fitting in single digit pant sizes....HOLY CRAP!

Marathon support

2009-12-11T09:18:00.003-05:00

I want to thank everyone who commented on my previous post. I appreciat all the support you are giving me.

Now my plan I kinda went over it but in more detail. I am doing a 10k training program, I am starting from the beginning. I have completed 2 days, it has 3 sessions a week, I am going to do that 3 days, then eliptical and spinning 2 days a week. The 10k training is pretty basic, but I need want to be able to run in 3-5 mile incraments, something I can't do yet. So I figure starting slow with this, starting from scratch as well will help in the long run(no pun intended). It really involves, this first week running 1 minute walking 2, repeat. The next week it jumps up to running 2 minutes walking 2 minutes...and so on, until I will be running 10, 20, and 30 minute stretches.

Then after the 12 weeks of that is done...I will start the 12 week marathon training program. From reading about this program it assumes you can run 3 miles, well I can run 3 miles with out stopping so that is why I am doing 10k trainging, then this one .

So that is my plan for the half marathon. I am 2 days into it and still totally motivated!

Second wind! Marathon traing!

2009-12-10T12:55:00.004-05:00

So since the turkey trot, I have been kinda not with it.

People have been telling me how great I look, how proud they are, and all positive things about my weight loss. Well its great, BUT it almost made me feel like I was done...but I am not. Just 2 more pounds lost I will no longer be obese!! According to BMI I will be overweight. So this is motivating me, when I started this journey, I was considered morbidly obese, soon I will be just overweight. So now I can stop calling myself fat, I will be fluffy, not fat=) So all the compliments, all the joys of being under 200 almost made me forget that this is now just a new turn, now is the time I can go from fluffy to HOT!

So to jump start this new start...I signed up for half a marathon. May 30Th I will be running 13.1 miles. I have roughly 5 and half months till this day. I will do the 12 week 10k training program Laura gave me. And still have time to do the 10 week half marathon training program I found. So I think this will be entirely possible...I also plan on being 40 pounds less! I just have no time to "take a break" I have to keep going strong and not miss even a week of training.

2 hours and 36 minutes is my goal exactly 12 minute miles...I can do that, right??

EXCITING WEIGH IN! onderland!

2009-12-08T22:24:00.002-05:00

Jan is the winner of my very first give away! Random generator #5 came up.

Now the best news for me I weighed in today at 199.6!!!!!!!!

Now my dad and I are doing a challenge if I win he is going to pay a month of weight watchers. I am not sure what I will have to do if i lose, but that will not happen so its pointless to even think about what I will have to do.

One last day for Give away.

2009-12-07T07:40:00.001-05:00

Just a quick post to let everyone know there is 1 day left to enter for my first giveaway.

GIVE AWAY!! Free stuff !

2009-12-04T12:38:00.004-05:00

So since no one responded to my question in my last post I am going to bribe blog world! You get one jar of Better'n Peanut butter, All you have to do is share....

Share a "diet" food you love, or recipe you can't live without. Leave it as a comment. If you want to double your chance just let your blog friends know with a link back to my blog. Post the link under comments.

Contest will end after my weigh in, on Tuesday. And unfortunately US residents only (sorry Laura!!)

Swap day at WW

2009-12-02T13:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Swap day at Weight watchers, most of the the stuff brought I knew about or wasn't really interested in. I did get a new recipe, I love crockpot recipes and this is a chicken and salsa crockpot recipe, I plan on making it tomorrow so I will tell you all how it goes and if I love it I will post the recipe.

But during the swap 1 item caught my eye, it is Better'n Peanut butter. If you live in the buffalo area I got mine at Dash's, but looking into it I see that you can also get it at Trader Joe's.

I tried it and it is good, not your Jiffy or Peter Pan, but is great(little more sweet not as peanutty)! Just wanted to pass it on to my fellow weight loss friends.

Does anyone else have an item that the found is amazing that you can't believe is "diet" food? I need more things like this I am getting tired of Fiber bars...please share.

A loss is a loss

2009-12-01T22:58:00.002-05:00

That is my story and I am sticking to it! I only lost .4 pounds. I am not happy with that but I would rather lose even if it is only .4.

Now I really want to focus back on getting under 200. No more 3 musketeer cand bars(yes I ate one before weigh in day!), no more 3 helpings of dinner, and no more mindless snacking.

2 small goals this week.

1. Go to the gym 4 times this week
2. Stay within my daily points.

I will do these, and I will be under 200.

Apple crisp!!!

2009-11-30T09:31:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite bloggers and fellow Spartan asked for it....so here is the amazing apple crisp. It is from the Weight Watcher Magazine, and I did use splenda sugar and brown sugar.

1/2c. + 2 tbsp. all purpose flour
1/2 c. quick cooking or old fashioned oats (not instant)
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 tsp. ground ginger (I didn't use this)
1/4 tsp. cinnamon (I used 1/2 tsp one 1/4 in the mixture, and 1/4 in the topping)
3 Tbsp of light stick butter diced (and I let soften a bit)
1 tsp. water
1/4 c. granulated sugar
1/4 tsp nutmeg
3 lb apples ( I used Granny smith, the recipe says Golden Delicious or Jonathan. Peel and thinly slice the apples
1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. preheat the oven to 375 F. Spray a shallow 1 1/2-qt baking dish with nonstick spray.

2. To make the topping, combine the 1/2c. flour, the oats, brown sugar, ginger, cinnamon and a pinch of salt in a medium bowl. With a pastry blender or 2 knives used scissor-fashion cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add 1 tsp. water and firmly press the misture to form clumps.

3 To make the filling, mix the granulated sugar and the 2 Tbsp. flour, nutmeg, in a large bowl. Add the apples and vanilla: mix well. Tranfer to the baking dish. Sprinkle the topping over the filling. Bake until the filling is bubbling and the topping is golden, 55-60 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

I added light whip topping to mine instead of icecream. I also doubled the topping to give it more crisp!

But as is, it serves 8. 189 cal, 3 G fat, 1 G Sat fat, 0 G trans Fat, 5 MG CHOL, 64 MG Sod, 41 G Carb, 3 G fiber, 2 G Protien, 18 MG calcium. Points Value: 3.

We used the entire pan to serve 7, with very large portions.

My Thanksgiving...

2009-11-29T11:34:00.002-05:00

I was so good. I ate the green bean casserole I made, coliflower with no butter, turkey, and for dessert I ate the apple crisp I made. Apple crisp was beyond amazing, It had slightly more points because I double the crisp part.

So thanksgiving came and went. My parents came in and if you ever read this blog you know my dad is also a WW follower. So Friday I was one of the crazy people and went out at 5 am. My mom and I forgot to eat, and for dinner I made one of my favorite recipes, flank steak taco's I didn't add up my points but my dad's points were low so I know I was well below my points for friday.

Then Saturday came, that was my gluttny day!! We went to the local market and bought a 6 pound prime rib, for 4.99 a pound. Not exactly the most weight watcher friendly of meals. My dad made the most amazing garlic mashed potatoes, and oh I made the apple crisp again. No one but me really ate any of the first one, so it all worked out, I told you it was amazing). So I counted the poitns and I did go over, but still not crazy over, until I added the 4 glasses of wine I drank. Wine isn't bad but my 4 glasses were more like 6 servings, so 12 points there. Today I am going to the gym to work some of that dinner off!

So not a bad weekend, food wise the only excersise I got this week was cleaning and the 5 mile turkey trot on thanks giving. I didn't reach my goal I did it in 1 hour and 7 minutes. My husband did not train at all went out and ran it in 49 minutes. I am proud of him and I hate him for that! But it was fun, after our turkey trot there is a huge party with fruit, yogurt, water, and free beer, we couldn't stay for that because we needed to get home to the rugrats. Next year it will be something we plan for.

Sorry for the long time without a post it was a crazy weekend.

I opened THE box

2009-11-25T22:45:00.005-05:00

Well if I needed motivation to get me through thanksgiving. Or if I needed a slap in the face to remind me how far I still have to go, I found it. I opened THE box. The one full of clothes I wore at 21. I am not sure what I was thinking but I tried some of it on. WOW I still have a good 25-30 pounds before I think I even want to look in that box again. It was a rude awakening, that yes I have come far, but I am not even close to my goal. And even when those clothes fit it will still be a ways off.

I am excited and happy with myself for 50 pounds, pretty much every clothing I have from the past 8 years now all fits. Any farther back is in this box, and this box makes me angry and disgusted with myself. I realize how out of control, how bad, and how delusional I was. I just want to scream. For the past 4 years I have lived the life I have always wanted, I have an amazing husband, he is gorgeous, funny, smart just about everything I could ask for. I have the 2 greatest adorable children. I am happy, and yet I ate I let myself go, to the point my husband didn't find me attractive, I couldn't play and be involved in my kids life. The clothes I just went through reminded me of all that. The box of clothes that do not fit yet and won't for a month or 3, remind me how many chances I had to lose the weight and turned my back and convinced myself I wasn't that bad.

That box of clothes is all 8 to 10 years old, stuff I will more than likely never wear again in my life even when I get that small. But it just reminds me how at one point I was a simple 25 pounds away from my goal. I was so close and I didn't take it. So I am going to keep that box, and not only will it all fit me again, but I will be forced to eventually give it away because it is all too big. It still hurts to know how bad I let myself get out of control.

I will be forever grateful to my dad, who gave me my life....twice! Because of him I actually looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I had become. And because of him(and my mom) I was able to go to that first weight watchers meeting. And because of him I knew that I could do it, because if he did it so can I. And because of him(mom again too) I have a continuous support system.

But dad why couldn't you lose all your weight when i was 200? not 252...then I would have had such an easier time....jeesh=P

Good week not Great

2009-11-24T18:58:00.001-05:00

Down 2.2 pounds. I hit 50 pounds lost, but still 2 pounds from being under 200. I will get that next week!

But YAY for 1/2 way to my goal.

Oh and I can put off taking a picture in the sports bra for 1 more week.

Thanksgiving anxiety.

2009-11-24T12:46:00.002-05:00

So this week I am going to be facing my first holiday of eating right, the anxiety I am feeling is insane. I have a mother in law with the best of intentions, she is also a great cook, but everything is loaded with fat and butter, she actually said she thinks Paula Dean uses too LITTLE butter.

That is where I am going for Thanksgiving, Mashed Potatoes loaded with whole cream and butter, stuffing with even more butter, Green bean casserole made with bacon fat to "add more flavor", gravy that is pure fat, and 6 different pies, The only thing she makes on thanksgiving that is weight watcher friendly is the turkey. I have a plan I bringing a green bean casserole of my own from a weight watcher cookbook, I am also bringing an apple crisp from the WW magazine. But that still doesn't help the anxiety. It is the fist time I will be facing down loads and loads of food, food I would eat 2-3 servings of in previous years. Then follow up with 1/4 of a pie. This year I have a plan, I am just worried, what if the fat ass Katie takes over?

I really wish my parents were coming in and I could make the dinner myself, I could make everything WW friendly, but that will be next year. This year I just have to stick to the plan. I wish I just could get rid of this pit in my stomach, I wish I could just skip over telling my Mother in law, "no, no thank you" 500 times.

Weigh in day is today so I will let you all know later if it is a good, or a great week.

Broken chair

2009-11-23T17:43:00.002-05:00

I was reading Diane's blog about her broken chair and got me thinking about what happened to me.

This summer I would "play" outside with Riley pretty much that involved me sitting in a chair watching Riley play. I would use the excuse that I had Sophie, a newborn sleeps most of the time, I could have put her in her car seat, bouncy seat or on a blanket, but I didn't I would hold her and have Riley play around me. One day after pushing Riley in the swing I got my chair opened it up, sat, and the chair ripped in half with my arse falling to the ground. It had to be funny, if anyone had seen. My large arse fallen in my arms and legs out and me stuck(the baby was sleeping inside).

I chalked it up that the chair was worn out from being outside, that is what weakened the material. I too put the blame on so much else, when my husband saw it I made a joke of it, he knew, and I knew. Every time I sat in a chair after that I worried it would break. That incident did not start my journey though.

Now I look back and see that 250+ woman and know my weight is what broke that chair. Funny thing is now instead of sitting in chairs outside I actually play with Riley. I chase her around and the only time I sit is because Sophie needs to nurse.

I am glad some of those things happened, they remind me that I am doing this for so many reasons.

funny thing I have been noticing.

2009-11-22T22:44:00.002-05:00

So I have noticed, all my long sleeve shirts the sleeves are in insanely long on me. I put them on and feel like a child again folding the sleeves up.

That is all.

Work out work out eat righ eat right.

2009-11-22T11:50:00.002-05:00

So that is my week. I have been great I went over my daily points by 1.5(I counted the Mojito even though I didn't drink it all) the day of the movie but I have not gone over since. I have worked out every day I haven't had to work. I ran a 5k today in 34 minutes. So I figure if I can do that on thanksgiving and even then just walk fast the last 2 miles I can definitely do this in under 1 hour.

I was so excited to go to weight watchers and step on the scale, till I read Jack's blog, and he was super good this week and only lost .3 pounds. I hope that this will not happen to me. I really want to hit 50 pounds lost, and even more I would like to see onderland.

No popcorn!

2009-11-20T13:47:00.002-05:00

I did have a Mojito before though, but that is 3 points, and it wasn't that good I should have just ordered a glass of wine. You know what I did with the mojito didn't drink it. I didn't love it so I didn't drink it just because it was there. That is a new thing, not finishing my food and drinks. I think we are all programed to eat what we order, but now I realize no I shouldn't eat everything.

Before I started my journey I would wait on tables with skinny girls ordering really fatty meals, like chicken carbonara, that is 1700 calories and 120 grams of fat, they would eat some and not want it boxed. I never got that it was a waste of money they should eat it or at least take it home. I don't think that anymore, now If I splurge I will eat till I am full, and then the splurge is done, there will be no taking it home for later. I did that with the mojito I ordered something that is a splurge, didn't LOVE it so I didn't drink it.

I am feeling in control. I am getting a little nervous though, and a little excited, today at the gym I stepped on the scale in just my bra and underwear, and moved the levy to 200 and BAM that is what I weigh. I wonder if weight watchers will let me weigh myself in my bra and underwear. So I am a little nervous because if that is what I weigh, then I have to take pictures in my sports bra...I don't feel ready for that. But I still have till Tuesday!

Too popcorn or not....

2009-11-19T08:37:00.002-05:00

So today like many desprate housewives I am going to see the New Moon premier with friends. I am a dork who loves the books, even though I do love Jacob so much more than Edward.

But before like most girls night out we are grabbing dinner, we haven't decided where so I know what I will order at, Chili's, Friday's, Olive Garden, those are the 3 places closest to the theater so I figure we will be hitting up one of them. But I am not sure that if you read far enough back and know my love of movie popcorn. I seriously could eat movie popcorn and only movie popcorn for the rest of my life, with butter of course. I will have to touch into my flex points to have that small movie popcorn, and to stay full for the day. I am working out today but that is to work off the cookie yesterday. If I didn't eat that cookie yesterday I would definatly get popcorn. But I really really really want to lose 2.2 pounds this week and I want to take zero chance that I won't. So that means staying on plan. And unfortunatly eating popcorn does not include that plan. So I guess I talked myself out of it. I want to be skinny more than I want Movie Popcorn. WOW that is a first.

So there it is this blogging worked today, I was able through this post decide that I will not eat Movie popcorn, tomorrow I will let you know if the smell wins and I stick with that plan=)

Old habits die slow=(

2009-11-18T14:12:00.003-05:00

So for most of the 15 weeks I have been working at this I have went out after story time, we would go to Panera I love love the Fuji Apple chicken salad, it is a bit high in points, 10 points to be exact. But I know every Wednesday I will be eating that so I plan accordingly. Also every Wednesday Riley, and Addie split a meal, and a cookie, Addie never eats her half and Riley today didn't eat her half either today. Today before I knew it, I ate the cookie. So I really am not beating myself up for eating the cookie, because I do allow myself treats now and then. I am beating myself up because I didn't even want the cookie, it was a shortbread cookie, not my favorite, I also literally finished it before I even realized it.

I am not sure if this has happened to anyone else the surprise eating, eating something you never intended? Well when I came back home I tracked that cookie....350 calories 21 grams of fat! I could have eaten 3 100 calorie Chips Ahoy cookie packs, 2 skinny cow ice creams, 3 apples with a little peanut butter, instead of that 1 cookie that I didn't even want/enjoy.

This is a habit that I used to have one that I thought I controlled, mindless eating. The cookie will not ruin my day, but it does make me realize just as I feel things are under control....well it is still a day to day struggle.

Well I refuse to beat myself up about that, I just know that I have to do what I used to, if Riley doesn't eat something that looks good, I have to get it out of my sight, throw it away as soon as possible or if I want to take it with me for Ryan, I leave it in the car till he comes home.

The cookie will not win! I will work out 9 points tomorrow! I have a gym time set up, I will do 5 points there, then do 4 miles when Ryan gets home another 5 points there. Maybe that will teach me to not eat something I don't even want=)

Oh I did Pilate's today and wow that is hard, just when I start to feel better about myself I find out my stomach has no muscle, I could only do about 1/3 of the stomach exercise correct, the other times I had to "cheat."

Had a decent loss but....

2009-11-17T19:13:00.002-05:00

Good news is I lost 2.6 pounds this week. Bad news is I have to lose 4.2 pounds this week to be under 200 when my parents get here. Good news though if i lose 2.2 pounds I will reach 50 pounds lost, half way to my goal weight.

So I think the good out ways the bad. Going to work hard this week everyday I am not working I will walk/run at least 4 miles. I will not use my flex or activity points. I will reach the 50 pounds loss, the being under 200 I will give it my all.

I also set my official goal weight at weight watchers, 152...100 pounds less than my first weigh in.

New motivation

2009-11-17T10:08:00.003-05:00

So this will be a double post day. Today is weigh in and righ now I am avoiding the very large laundry pile that needs to be folded.

So the other day on face book a few of friends all decided we needed to lose weight. So we start a group that for the next 2 months who ever loses the largest percentage gets a small incentive from the other 3 ladies. As I expected I have the most to lose, by a ton. In fact one girl in our challenge weighs my goal weight!

The other part to this is all the women in this challenge I went to High School with. Now in High School I was the dork, I had serious issues, I wanted to be every ones friend to the point I ended up annoying people so no one wanted to be my friend. I was basically severely insecure and would try so hard that people didn't want to be around me. This isn't a pity party for that Katie because she wasn't an innocent, I would also inspire drama, and well I lied all the time about stupid idiotic stuff. So you get it, I was a huge dork, that doesn't have many fond high school memories. I will say it is strange I ended up married to the captain of the football team.

My whole point by telling you this is it is very strange for me to be in contact or even doing something like this with people from High School, now the ladies doing it with me were never my problem in fact they actually put up with me more than they should have. One woman even mentioned that I didn't have my maiden name out so she didn't even realize who I was. I did that on purpose, there is a period of my life I am embarrassed by, I am not that same Katie.

So to wrap it up I think I feel good that this little challenge I think it will help keep my momentum going, especially through the holidays. It also helps that former insecure High school self feel just a little involved, even if I am the fattest one.

Turkey trot in 2 weeks

2009-11-16T14:24:00.002-05:00

Okay I am getting nervous about the turkey trot. I have been working on a running program that a fellow blogger sent me, But I still don't feel secure in it. When I signed up for it I wanted to finish it in less than 1 hour. I am not so sure that is a possiblity. I also wanted to run the entire thing. I can run 3 miles, but at the end feel totall drained, I am not so sure I can run all 5 miles.

So I mapped a 5 mile run around my house, I am going to do that 3 days a week, I also know when mile 1,2,3,4 and 5 is. So my goal is run 3 miles, walk fast 1 mile, and run the last 1 mile. I am shooting for 13-14 minute miles, so to do it all in 1 hour and 7 minutes. Completely doable, I probably will be able to do it in less, when I do my 3 miles I can do it in 37 minutes just over 12 minute miles, so that gives me 30 minutes to finish the last 2 miles.

I should have worked harder....grr, but no use looking back. I will just focus on the next 2 weeks!

I think I am being hit on!

2009-11-15T23:03:00.002-05:00

Or at least being flirted with. Now I know I am married and shouldn't find this all exciting but it is. Today I was watching the game on the t.v.'s at work talking to one of the cooks about my fantasy football team. When he asked me to go have a drink with him, and watch the rest of the game. I said, "well I would but i have 2 kids and a husband waiting at home for me." He was embarrassed and apologized. I told him don't be silly it made my night it was the first time in 4 years a male, besides my husband, hit on me! I also have to mention he also asked me when I started, I have worked at the Cheesecake Factory for 2 and half years.

See not only am I becoming attractive again, I can't wear my wedding ring. It falls off so easy. I want to buy a chain for it so I have with me all the time. But like pants I don't want to have to pay to have it sized down only to have to do it again down the line.

I have lately noticed funny places I am losing weight, my fingers and feet are just a couple that have been getting skinny too!

New pants.

2009-11-14T21:55:00.002-05:00

Today I wore pants that I bought 3 years ago! Pants that never fit. And when I mean never fit I mean there was 6 inches from button to button. They are the type of pants that also have no "give" they don't stretch at all, like jeans and some khakis do. So today I wore them and right now just noticed they didn't even leave the fat marks. They are also just tight enough to remind me to not pick at french fries.

My friend also sold me her size 12 old navy jeans. Funny thing is I just washed then and they fit perfect, 1 day of wear they can slide up and down without buttoning them! I could be wearing some size 10 by Christmas. I wasn't say I will be a size ten but I can see a few old navy 10 jeans in my near future.

As I have mentioned before I have a strange body shape, so I am still a size 16 in dresses. I have an 18w dress in my basement that is huge on me, but not too huge so I am assuming a 16w would fit me perfect.

I am so excited for thanksgiving my mom is bringing some of her old clothes. I have no desire to pay full price for any clothes, so cast offs are good enough for me. I have no pride! I used to just buy clothes because they fit and no other reason. I would go to Old Navy, or some such store find a shirt that was long so no one could see my stomach if I reached, Wasn't so tight you could see fat rolls, not too loose I that I would look like I was wearing a tent(I now see they all looked like tents), and when I would find all that I would buy 3-5 of those shirts. Winter was my favorite season because big bulky sweaters, and sweatshirts could come out. During the summer I had Capri's, I haven't worn a pair of shorts in 4 years. I have to say part of me is a little worried about style and losing weight. As you can see buying for style is a completely foreign idea.

I have never, even during my skinnier days, been able to walk into a store and know that most everything will fit me. I am excited and nervous for that, excited because shopping for myself will be fun again, and nervous because I don't know what I will even buy. I am hoping this summer when the weight is all gone, my sister will be in town and can help me with this dilemma.

But as for now this is all a future thought. For now cast offs are perfect and I can't wait for new ones=)

stupid katie

2009-11-13T07:33:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Ryan wanted Pizza again, so he we had Pizza, I did have 2 large slices, and one small one. I also ate 3 ice cream bars. The good thing about eating the 3 ice cream bars is I have nothing left to binge on all sugar is out out out. So Jen if your reading this I am with you on your no sugar 2 weeks. My only problem is I have a diet coke addiction, it has gotten better, but I still have two 2liters a week. I am not sure if I can give that up so easy.

So today my goal is to go work out when Ryan gets home. I have been really tired lately, I am not sure if it is because I haven't been working out as much as I used to. Or because earlier this week I spent 2 nights up reading the last Twilight book, or the fact I have a 4 almost 5 month old that sleeps in our room and won't let me sleep a solid eight hours. Lately she has been doing better she will soon be in the shared bedroom with Riley.

I don't talk about my kids much on here because it is a weight loss blog but I have to say looking at my gorgeous baby "talking" to her stuffed frog, there really is nothing like being a mom is there? The big toothless smiles she gives me every time I look at her makes the sleepless night worth it. She is getting big so fast, I can't believe she is my last baby, I wish time would slow down. My two year old is in the other room, and today she gave me a time out for not listening to her. And then when it was over she said "look into my eyes, listen to Riley, I WANT M's(m&m's)" I had to go back to time out because I wouldn't give her any.

Thanks for letting me indulge in a couple of my kids stories it is just that I think I have the best 2 little ones alive!

Goals for today.

1. No Sugar.
2. Go for a run, or to the gym.
3. Play outside with the girls.

Just a quick not to say I am so sad apple season is over, I am eating an apple sadly no where near the flavor and juiciness of apples from a few weeks ago=( Good news citrus fruit season is here! I ate an entire pineapple in 2 days it was so good.

What my weight watcher leader said to me...

2009-11-12T15:49:00.003-05:00

So I was talking to Traci my weight watcher leader. She was congratulating me on my weight loss, and just making me feel great! I then told her about how I am not worried about losing the weight, I know I can do it, I am more worried about keeping it off.

She told me something I was thinking about, she said I should become a weight watcher leader. You can't get fat if you are motivating and telling others they should follow you. So that is my goal, the pay from what I found sucks, but it wouldn't be about that for me. I know this is still 55 pounds away, but it gives me something to think about till then=)

Oh and if you didn't read my comments from my previous post, I just want all you ladies to know one thing I left out about my brother, he is single!! So if you can live in the middle of no where, ride a bike, ski, and love the snow and cold I have the man for you! Just know a vast majority of my brothers income goes to bikes, bike races, bike trips, and then the 8 month winter hits and the rest goes toward ski's, ski races, and ski trips.

There James! Did I leave anything out??

My big brother

2009-11-11T23:09:00.004-05:00

So thanks to James my big brother I now can leave comments, and see who my new followers are (HI!!). So I am very excited about all that.

Now listening to James is not all bad, this may make up for the time he told me I could just steer a sled through the trees...btw I could not and now have a scar were I received 12 stitches because a tree hit me.

My big brother is pretty amazing too. I told you all about my dad I want to give you a quick bit about my brother. He is hilarious, sarcastic and the change he made in is his life is crazy. He does this biking called cycle cross, it is pretty crazy you can read about it at his blog here (do NOT click on the link about Tibetan burial...trust me DON'T!)

But this is not the James that always was, he was overweight for most of his late teen years all the way through his 20's. But not only did he just lose weight he became this crazy insane biker. This year he rode his bike to my parents cottage...350 miles there, and 350 miles back...he rode his bike 700 miles in one week. I think he earned a few weight watcher points with that.

He also told me the story of how he really wanted a cinnamon roll, so what did he do....rode his bike 90 miles there to get one, okay he said he ate 4 but you ride 180 miles you deserve 4.

Soon ski season will be here and he will probably ski to my parents for Christmas or something crazy like that. The past couple of years I see my brother as a different person, he is now the fit person in our family(sorry Colleen). I know I will never be James, but I would like to do a triathlon with my big brother next year(or at sometime in the future). I will never not beat him, but if I really work on the run maybe I could make up for his biking speed..hmmmm something to strive for=)

Oh one last thing before I go, people are noticing. So many people ask how I am doing it, compliment me, tell me what looks thinner. It almost is too much...almost.

WooHoo it was a good weigh in!

2009-11-10T21:32:00.000-05:00

3.4 pounds this week!!!!!

I needed that to push me. I have 6.8 pounds to loose to officially see onderland(under 200 pounds for all you skinny folks). I want to see that number before thanksgiving weekend. Not that a pound either way will make a HUGE deal. But I would love to have my parents come in and be 199.8 or less.

I was roughly 195ish when I met my husband. He looks at this picture of me, and wants that!

Best part is I am 10 pounds from that picture. It is so close. I am excited to be below it so I will officially be thinner than I was since I was 21 years old. It is so close. I don't even remember what it was to be less than a size 12. I have one pair of pants that are a size 10 and the will soon be the next goal pants. Crazy to think I could be a size 10 at Christmas. It is so close.

My goal is 16.6 pounds from now till Christmas. I want to see 190 then. This will take work. The previous 3 weeks I slacked I lost only 3.6 pounds, With a little determination this week I almost doubled that. So all it will take is to get my arse in gear.

Oh and to let you know from now on my weight loss pictures will be me in a sports bra. This is hard for me because I have not showed my stomach in 15 years. So in 6.6 pounds lost (working towards that to be the Tuesday before Thanksgiving), I will be taking a picture of myself in a sports bra. I hope it will be more obvious that the shirt pictures easier to see what I am doing.

work work oh and more work

2009-11-09T14:53:00.000-05:00

So this week has been going well. Sticking with the diet. Exercise is okay, 3 days of it, not as much as I wanted but better than the previous 2 weeks.

My life is pretty boring right now with weight loss. Just doing the normal, work outs, eating the normal foods. Today it will be a tuna casserole

Btw this is a great website period for some idea's. I have made many items from here, I love the tuna casserole and beef stroganoff.

I guess that is all not feeling too chatty, I am sure something will come to mind soon enough.

need some help from fellow bloggers

2009-11-07T07:38:00.000-05:00

Okay I can not leave a comment on most blogs. Where I should be able to it just is a blank space. I can not write anything.

I feel horrible, because I have so much I want to say to everyone.

So if anyone knows what I am doing wrong let me know.

Oh and I woke up hurting today. It feels like I just started at the gym all over again. I think running outside is definitely harder. I plan on doing it again today.

I also went under my points for the first time in 3 weeks, I did NOT snack and snack and snack at night till I was over because I ate so much. It was only 3 points under, so I am not starving myself. It was a victory because I didn't feel the urge to eat more for the sake of eating more. I did this without Ryan here too!

I am starting to think exercise is my key to a good food day as well, I am glad I am getting back in the groove for both.

One last thing I want to announce ...it is very exciting, I HAVE RIBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No gym but....

2009-11-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

I ran 3 miles outside. It was the first time I have ever gone for the full 5k run outside. And let me tell you it hurts much more than a treadmill. First it is cold, second there are these little things called hills, and third I have no way to measure how fast or long I am running.

So I mapped 3 miles, ran the first 2 mainly, the walked the 3rd at a decent speed and finished in 42 minutes. I don't think that is too bad I want to shave 5 minutes off that in the next 3 weeks. So from now on I will be running outside getting ready for that cold Thanksgiving morning. I will use the gym as back up if it rains or Ryan gets home after dark. But my goal is to run the 3 miles outside atleast 2 times a week.

Okay so Ryan finally took my 210 pictures here they are....

230 and 220 pictures to compare

WORK OUT WORK OUT WORK OUT

2009-11-06T10:59:00.001-05:00

Just yelling at myself to get my arse to the gym today....must go running the Turkey trot is in 3 weeks. If I plan on running 5 miles in less than an hour I must get working on it!

Everyone who reads this please comment with 4 little words

GO TO THE GYM!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks

my proof I am signed up now No turning back I am running an 8k.

Inspiration

2009-11-04T10:50:00.000-05:00

So I was thinking about inspiration, motivation and things like that. If you read this blog often you know my inspiration is my Dad this time around. He is truly a great guy, I was always a daddy's girl, and I am pretty sure I was his favorite...sorry Colleen and James! Okay but seriously, my mom is wonderful, but I don't think she understands the pull food has over me. My dad does. I may be presumptuous with this, but I believe my dad knows the feeling of eating one meal, and already thinking of what you are going to eat next. He also gets the waste not want not mentality, I really don't need the last scoop of potatoes...but I don't want to trow it away so I will eat it. I think my dad gets the I can't just eat one small candy bar, because one will become 15. So when my dad lost all his weight it was an eye opener for me. And when he offered me the same opportunity, I took it.

I believe he knew that I was like him that if he could finally after 40 years do it he knew I could too. When they offered this time there was no accusation, no disapproval, just my dad(mom too) wanting me to be as happy as they are with the weight loss.

I also know my dad and I are similar in another aspect, we both start something, and are like a dog with a bone. Nothing will stop us we are too competitive to quit. When people notice we love it we like that positive reinforcement.

Now it comes to my dad maintaining, he will be my inspiration in that way as well. He has lost weight before, never this much and this healthy though, but had gained it back. I know this time he will keep it off, and if he can do it so can I. I also know if I struggle or even have a bad week, he knows those he will listen understand and most of all I don't have to be perfect. He won't bull sh*t me if I screw up, but he will understand. Even though I am in New York and he is in Michigan, I am so glad my dad is doing this too, and my inspiration.

The other day a girl I work with told me she joined Weight Watchers on line. She sees my transformation, and wants to lose as well. She is gorgeous too, and has no where near the weight loss I had to lose, but we have talked she gets the food pull. We talked about how we love food, and how we make the wrong choices, and how we can both over eat. I am so honored that she saw me losing, and wants to use me as an inspiration. The best part of her using me that way, is I don't ever want to let her down. If I gain all mine back, how can I support her to be the best she can be?

So in a round about way because I inspired a friend of mine, I now feel more inspired, it brought back my motivation to lose, something I was missing for 2 weeks.

I am so glad she did this for me(for herself too but mostly she did it for me), I only hope that I did the same for me dad. It is funny it is not competitive, its not like I want to lose more or beat them, I want both my friend to succeed probably more than she does! I want her to experience people saying how great she looks, because I know that she felt she could do it because I am....

So thanks dad and nameless friend but you know who you are=)))

Girls are in bed.

2009-11-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the quick posts lately. I haven't been bad just not as good as the few weeks I lost 3 -5 pounds. I feel better though I feel the motivation coming back. I don't fight the urge to binge all the time right now. So laying off sugar was a positive thing.

But I will tell you it won't last for too long, the week I decided I would take a break from it, was the week Wegmans put there Weight watcher Ice cream on clearance. Not all of it but the ice cream cones, ice cream sandwiches, and little single ice cream servings. All for 1.50 and to ad too it weight watchers is giving out coupons, 55 cents off, which they then double! So I was paying 40 cents for weight watcher ice cream. I didn't go totally insane but I do have 7 boxes of ice cream in my deep freezer. Oh and I bought fat free caramel dip for my apple addiction. I promised myself this week if I work out I can have either a caramel apple, or an ice cream. I still have to stay within my daily points!

Not sure if I ever mentioned this but I never watched the Biggest Loser in past years...mainly because I didn't want to think about weight so I ignored anything that had to do with losing weight. Well this year since I started my journey around the time the show started I watch it every Tuesday, ironically also my weigh in day! I just have to say I think it is starting to annoy me to no end. I like Shay and want to root for her, but if I was still in college, I would make a drinking game every time she cries I would make people drink, by the end of the show EVERYONE would be drunk. Then to add to that I would also make everyone drink every time a contestant or trainer shamelessly plugs a product...seriously who says some of the stuff they say. Anyone else have any annoyances about the show? Or am I alone on this.

1.6 down

2009-11-03T15:59:00.001-05:00

Okay so if I just watch what I eat I lose 1.6 pounds in a week not bad. I also know if I just work a little and exercise 5 days 45 minutes each day, I can lose 2.6.

So I did my goal this week took the sugar out, now this week I am going to add back considerable amounts of exercises.

Tomorrow I will have Ryan take a new 210 picture.

so...

2009-11-02T23:21:00.000-05:00

Things Have been going okay. Yesterday was a great fall day so I took Riley for a run in the jogging stroller/bike trailer. She had a blast and kept yelling at me to go faster. I could prbably finish a 5k in 30 minutes with her in the stroller. To bad the turkey trot does not allow them=(

Speaking of the turkey trot, my friend Gretchen had to bow out, she hurt her knee, so that leaves Ryan running it with me. It will either be super fun to have Ryan or he will piss me off so much we won't talk the rest of the day. It is a toss up my husband is in amazing shape, at my fattest I am sure(and even know in some cases) people wondered what he was doing with me. He is very fit is the point, he can run 8 minute miles without even working at it, he just runs that as his slow speed. So if he thinks that is what I will be able to do he will be disappointed, and I will think I am not good enough, and a fight could happen. Or he will run with me say I am doing great and cheer me on, motivate me but not annoy me, and we will finish faster than I excpected and I will rave he is the best husband ever.

So I am a little worried about how it will go.

Diet has been going well, but truth time will be tomorrow.....

Day by day...

2009-10-31T09:59:00.000-04:00

So it has been going good, I can't say great but day by day has not been too bad. I have stayed within my points for the past 3 days, but I still have not worked out. I worked the past two days, one day food running so that counts for something, right??

I am also excited because yesterday at work I wore pants that fit me, and a shirt that my friend Julia gave me when she left for France(that finally fits YAY), and 5 people said something about my weight loss. For the first time in this journey people that had no idea that I was even losing weight noticed it. One manager even asked if I was sick because I lost so much weight in a short time. Dana is now my favorite manager!!

So I am feeling pretty good, but it was slow yesterday and I found my self grabbing fallen french fries. I really need electric shock therapy at work....every time I grab a french fry I get electrocuted=)

So today I will be hitting up the gym, but I did make a yummy big breakfast, eggs, ham, and potato's....12 points total...but oh it was good! For lunch I will have fruit and a veggie burger, and dinner is chicken fajitas. I will end up well below my point value if I stay on plan.

I am taking Riley trick or treating, but I learned of this wonderful plan by a local dentist. On Monday we take all the candy she doesn't want to this dentist, turn it in, Riley gets prizes, for every pound turned in. Then all the candy is sent to the troops in Iraq. So that is were all the extra candy is going. I will let Riley have her M&M's, I will let Ryan pick a few of his favorites to keep in the car....the rest will go to Iraq=)

PS I have no idea why comments are not working...if anyone can tell me what to do aislynn01@msn.com is my email...thank you!...edited to add guess it works now!

Confessions...

2009-10-29T09:26:00.000-04:00

So I don't know what is going on with me. I really need to snap out of the funk I am in! I didn't have any clean work out clothes so I didn't go again...Tuesday, Wednesday, and now Thursday I have made excuses. Even as I am typing this I am trying to justify it in my head.

Not only did get out of my workout groove. I also have been cheating myself. I am sure it is obvious to anyone who follows my blog, I can lose consistently 2+ pounds a week, last 2 weeks have been 1.6 and then a small .4, here is the truth I have been sneaking food. I bought candy corn, and every time I walked past the bowl I grabbed a handful, just to let you know I threw away the rest. I also bought a ton of weight watcher ice cream. The 3 point candy bars are amazing....a little to amazing I have eaten 2 and half boxes in 1 week. Not to mention I have been grabbing a bag of my husbands sun chips. To top it all off I have only been tracking about 50% of these things.

I want to say that it stops now, and mean it. I have no idea why I am slumping like this. In fact my husband had to enter the dinner in for me last night. For the first time in 12 weeks he took this active interest because he sees it happening. I need help from you all that have been there done this....how do I snap out?

I have yet to gain any weight but I know myself, if I continue on this path it won't be long till I am so far gone I will just give up yet again.

so the rest of this week I am going to take it like I did my first week. One day at a time. I started this morning with pancakes, lite syrup and banana....4.5 points, Lunch I am going to the mall with Riley for trick or treating, I will go to subway, and get the Buffalo chicken sub. One day at a time right now....

Congrats to my dad!!

2009-10-27T22:19:00.000-04:00

I just want to say congrats to my dad, he is the one that started me on the journey. Today he called me with the great news that he reached goal!!!!! I am so excited for him, not just that this is the size he was when he played High School football, but also health wise. He was at his Doctor and everything is down for him. To me the weight loss for my dad is great but to know he is now so much healthier, and with us for longer makes me get a little teary eyed. We are not a touchy feely family, but this makes me wish I lived closer so I could give him a big hug. I am so glad he encouraged me to do this, it is because of my parents that I really had to look in the mirror and see myself for what I was. It hurt at the time but it feels so great to be doing something about it.

I did only lose .4 pounds, but these past 2 weeks have been a bit slacking, at the gym I have only been running. Only 5 points of exercise a day, which I only did 3 days of. I also dipped into my extra points this week. I also have to stop the sugar, for 10 weeks I was able to control it, lately with sales on both weight watcher ice cream, and the 1 point bars at meetings, I have been eating way too much. So tomorrow when I go shopping its back to tons of fruits and veggies.

Here are a few before and after pictures of my dad...

March 2008

March 2009 him 3 months into weight watchers.

And finally a picture of him from August of 2009. I wish I had a more recent one but you can see the huge transformation here still.

Getting better at this running thing=)

2009-10-26T19:23:00.000-04:00

I ran a 5k on the treadmill in 37.23 minutes, 25.23 I ran. I also am picking up the speed of what I run before i was doing 5 miles per hour, now I am running at 5.5, and walking at 4.3 mph.

So the exercise didn't suffer horribly because the girls were sick and I could not take them to child watch. I am 100% sure I chose the right gym if you remember I was deciding between 2 gyms, I chose the more expensive one with child watch I am so glad I did. These past 2 weeks with the sick girls Ryan had excuses 3 days of why he couldn't watch the kids and I could not work out. I love him but if I had joined the cheaper gym I am sure I would be lucky to work out 2 days a week.

Oh I am happy to announce the dress I talked about in this post. No longer fits, it is too small=)) YAY!!!

I also went and tossed all my old clothes out, well I actually gave them to my sister in law, told her if she can't use them then just throw them out. I don't want any 20's or 18's to ever be in the house again!! Size 16's are pretty much working there way out the door as well, I would say mid November they too will be out for good.

Excuses...

2009-10-25T13:38:00.000-04:00

So Ryan took Riley out, and Sophie is still sick and sleeping a ton, So I went hunting in the basement.

I started going through boxes of clothes I used to wear, some recently and some as far back as college. I started thinking how all those clothes ended up in boxes. I talked about it before when you gain weight no one really ever tells you, with the exception of my mom, I gained over 50 pounds in 3 years without anyone saying a word about it. I was going through all the the clothes from that time trying on stuff, some fit some almost fit, and some have a good 20 pounds still. Doing all that I realized how easy it was to lie to myself, I had 2 sweaters i put away I remember putting them away because the dryer shrunk them. Funny how I had wore them the previous winter, washed and dried them but the next fall I brought them out they were to small, not because of me but because of the dryer. I found 2 pairs of pants that didn't have buttons on them. I put them away not because I was so fat the button popped off, but because I lost the button.

Even if I had a moment of honesty with myself an acknowledged that I had gained weight I would still find ways to excuse it, by blaming the babies.

I also realized something else. I never finished I never let myself get as healthy as possible, I would start a diet lose about half the weight I wanted and then be done. One time in my early 20's I did really good I got pretty thin, and was on my way to looking great, looking at my clothes from then, most were 10's, and I found one pair of 8's. I remember buying that size 8. I remember thinking I am there I did it, and 2 months later putting them away because they didn't fit, then in another couple of months putting the 10's away.

I don't want this time to be like that. I have never finished before, that is why when people ask how much I want to lose I say 100 pounds it is a nice even number, but I have no clue what 151 will look like. The last time I weight that much I was a Sophomore in High School. The time I just talked about I was roughly 175, I want to take this journey not to a certain number but a healthy life. That is why the triathlon is important to me. When I complete that it means I have arrived at a level of fitness I have never been at before. Heck if I could complete a triathlon at 212 I would be happy at 212, but I can barely run 20 minutes right now, so I am not happy with it.

So looking through the clothes I also realized that I have never been fit, sure I did get thinner for about 20 minutes, but I was never fit. So I think this time is different because I am not just working toward losing weight.

I notice it also with my dad. I think he will keep the weight off this time because it is not just the number on the scale or the fact he is in a 34 pants for the first time in his adult life. But because I call him and he has to let me go because he is going for a jog. Or he rides his bike to work. The number on the scale is nice, the smaller clothes are great, but they are just a by product to the ultimate goal of fitness.

I guess my whole point of this jumbled blog was...

1. No more excuses, no more from me or anyone else!

2. I will no longer quietly box clothes up, I will be throwing them in the garbage this time when they don't fit!

3. The goal of this journey is fitness, health the amount I weigh is just a number, it will get smaller though the more I focus on the two major goals.

4. There is no end to this, before I fell into that trap, stopping when I bought a pair of size 8 jeans. This time when that happens I will jump up and down and call my mom, and probably cry a little, and then go to the gym and see if I can buy a pair 6 someday too.

40 down ???? to go=)

Pumpkinville

2009-10-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a great family day. We went to pumpkinville. Riley as you saw in the pictures rode a horse...twice. We picked out our pumpkin, bought a bushel full of apples, and for the first time did NOT buy any homemade fudge. We did get donuts, pumpkin fresh made ones, I had a first I only ate 1. Now before you think I was bad, I counted that donut before I even left, knowing I was going to eat 6 points, I did not allow myself my usual treats of a fiber bar, and ice cream at night. I stayed in my points when we went out to eat I ordered a salad, one with apples, goat cheese, chicken and walnuts, I also changed the dressing and got the lite dressing on the side, so I dipped my salad and ended up eating only half the serving they gave me.

We had two kids in dire need of naps so we didn't get to go shopping as much as we wanted but still all and all it was a great day.

Today is just a normal day, I am going to make a chicken and rice casserole. Lunch is a salad and a smart one meal. Breakfast was the granola, yogurt and banana, I haven't had that in ages I forgot how yummy it is!

picture...

2009-10-24T17:05:00.001-04:00

Me in 2008

Pumpkinville today...

Do you see any difference?

I guess I am a size 14....pants!

2009-10-22T14:14:00.001-04:00

Okay it is official I can say I only have one pair of 16's that still fit correctly. I have been taking all my size 16 pants on and off without unbuttoning them. I even fit in a size 12....an old navy 12 but its a 12.

Now this is all great I am sure some women reading this wonder how at 212 can I wear 14's and 12's....well the answer is how I carry my weight. As most women know when you first lose weight it is always where you need it the least. In my case I have lost most of it in my hips, butt thighs and legs. I carry all my weight in my stomach and chest. I have always worn a dress size 2 sizes larger than my pans size, so while I may be a 14 in pants I am still an size 18 when it comes to dresses. I have a friend and she is the exact opposite she has a teeny tiny little waist, and hips, butt and thighs, and when she would gain her hips butt and thighs would get bigger only making her waist look smaller. Me when I gain my stomach gets huge, my chest and shoulders carry it all, so I look extremely top heavy. My friend and I would always make jokes, if we took my bottom half and her top half even at out fattest we would have a great figure.

So to me I still say I am an 18, because the bigger number makes more sense, I tried on a 14 dress I had in my basement, it is not even close, and I mean it is like tight with just putting it on, the zipper is about 8 inches apart.....So that is my spring goal, in 6 months I would like to take a picture of me in that dress...zipped up even. I will just tell you though the dress is not very attractive and I would probably never wear it out in public, and once I can fit in it, it will be donated, but since I used to avoid dresses because buying a dress 2 sizes bigger than my pants was depressing, it is the only dress I can say I once fit in, and that was at my skinniest in adult life. So here is to my April 22nd post!

Mmm

2009-10-21T22:12:00.000-04:00

So I have a new good dinner

Today I made gumbo. Oh it is so good. I bought a cook book from Weight watchers and have tried about 12 recipes and only one I wouldn't make again. Some are amazing...Chicken Carbonara, Salisbury steak, Mac and cheese, and now gumbo are just a few of my favorites.

One thing about eating healthy is I am trying new recipes like crazy. I used to make the same 5 meals over and over and over. Now they were all great, but Ryan was in charge of variety. Now I am doing it. I swear with some of the meals I make it does not even feel like I am watching what I eat. Today's dinner had 5 points a serving, I ate 1 serving before work and one now. True that a serving now is and ACTUAL serving not half the dish=)

I did have to cancel childcare this week at the YMCA, Riley now has the brunt of the sickness, today, and tomorrow I will not be able to work out. I have both kids all day and when Ryan gets home I have to go to work, Friday I will be able to work out regardless of whether the kids are too sick for childcare or not. I actually miss running, okay let me rephrase I don't miss the running, I miss the feeling I get when I finish.

So I am still grateful for the 1.6 weight loss but I am going to work to have a 3+ week. I still want to see a 1 in front of my weight by thanksgiving. It will be the first time my parents will see me in over 30 pounds, and I would like them see some serious results. I also want to fit into all my mom's old clothes. Nothing worse than being to fat to wear someone else's fat clothes!

guess I am going to thank the nursing god's...

2009-10-20T19:40:00.000-04:00

I lost this week

1.6 pounds

I guess I wasn't as bad as I thought, or maybe its the nursing, or maybe....I don't know I really didn't deserve it. But I will not test the scale again. I worked out and ate better today, tomorrow the same if I am really good next week I will get to take a 210 picture=)

Thanks all for the support.

Today I see the damage.

2009-10-20T12:13:00.000-04:00

Today is weigh in day. The week has not been my best, I ate crap all day Wednesday. Then 2 sick babies kept me from working out(stupid excuse!!), I only worked out 3 days. I can't say I ate bad but I definitely was not as diligent as I should have been. I went over my weekly 35 points, and only had 18 activity points.

So today I will more than likely have a weight gain, it will be interesting to see how much 1 bad week will hurt. I have no idea why I let myself do this, it is not like it was a party week, or a holiday, or that I had a bad weigh in week last week, because none of those are true. I will say this regardless of what the scale says I have some things I will do differently this week.

1. I will work out 5 days, no excuses!

2.I will not buy weight watcher 1 point bars(I ate the entire box in 2 days again!)

3. I will eat more "green diamond" foods(it is a weight watcher thing)

4. I will work on controlling portion sizes. Eat seconds of veggies and salad not the main course.

Today was the start of my new week, I ate fruit for breakfast, a chicken salad loaded with veggies, 1/3 a chicken breast, salsa, and yogurt ranch for lunch. I will have some veggies as my later snack, then I am going to work out when Ryan gets home. Then it will be time to pay the piper, and step on the scale. I feel bad I am resorting to no extra sodium(aka no smart one meals or soup), I will wear khakis instead of jeans. I once said if I have to resort to tricks and hope the scale is forgiving I didn't work hard enough. It is so true this week I have never dreaded a weigh in day more.

To be continued