Monday, April 12, 2010

GRRRRRRRRRRR

I have lost 70 pounds, and I look in the mirror and still see my stomach. My HUGE stomach. It seems I have lost 70 pounds everywhere but my stomach. I can fit in size 10 jeans, but a dress I need a size 16.

It came to a boiling point today when I went shopping for a T shirt. We are going to a Buffalo Sabers playoff game on Thursday, and needed a couple new shirts. Ryan and I went to the store I grabbed some women slightly fitted shirts in both large and extra large. The larges were a joke, and the extra large I came out and asked Ryan what he thought, he just shrugged...and knowing my husband I knew what that meant. From Ry it means "I have seen you look worse, but its not great."

We left and I had to buy ANOTHER men's t-shirt. I did it in tears, I am so sick of this huge stomach. I actually spent time researching a tummy tuck. I know I still have fat on my stomach but 50% of what bothers me is loose skin. I have fat for years and this is different. With pants I can even tell the difference between the fat and loose skin, my pants all have rolls hanging over them because of skin, I am not stuffed into pants too small, because if I go any larger they fall off of me, and the 10's fit everywhere else...legs, hips, and butt.

I am just so mad! I did what I was supposed to, I ate right, and worked out, why do I have to have this gross stomach.

Today I actually called and made an appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon, I made it for September. It will be just after my one year anniversary of when I started my weight loss journey. I figure I should be close to goal, and have a healthy BMI. I am also seeing about a breast reduction, I currently wear a 38 G. Running is killing me I have permanent scars on my shoulder where my bra digs into my shoulder.

So that is my vain self coming through, 2 kids and a massive weight loss is doing havoc on my body. I just want to be happy with that body, I have busted my ass to loose the weight I do not want to be embarrassed about myself ever again.

Funny thing is I never was as embarrassed about my 250 pound body as I am right now, but like Ryan reminded me I had reached a point I just stopped caring too.

4 comments:

The Curvaceous Conundrum said...

The loose skin issue is my biggest fear. That Im going to hit goal weight and my skin wont have the elasticity to pull itself up by the bootstraps. You have made an awesome chance and you deserve to be comfortable and happy with your body. I say go for the tuck!

Coley said...

I have the fears of loose skin, too. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time right now processing what you see. We all know you deserve to feel good about what you see with all the hard work you've put in.
I don't think it's vanity looking into plastic surgery. After all the dedication, you should feel good about your body - so that you can move forward with life without it being this constant reminder. I know that even though I'm nearing my heaviest, I feel constantly like I'm being punished for my years of wrongs. It sucks!

So, when I reach my goals, I have no doubt I'll look into plastic surgery too. I suggest you priority right now, is to try to be kind to yourself and when you touch your belly - try to smile and know it's just a step. That love will envelop you.

I think your goal of seeing the surgeon in a few months, will be a great goal to getting as far along as you can, for the best results after surgery :)

Katie J said...

Hey Katie - I wanted to show you a post I read recently that was very informative and from a fellow blogger. Here is the link: http://justmedrazil.blogspot.com/2010/03/tummy-tuck-talkand-pictures-to-tell.html

It is a fairly long post but very informative and thought you might like reading it. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I think you look great no matter what. I have been 211lbs.

I have been 117lbs.

It is what you FEEL about yourself that matters.

Right now I am at 129lbs. I eat what I like. I don't worry about it. I try to exercise and I eat when I am hungry. My indulgence is ranch dressing with anything deep fried. But I limit it.

Be happy in yourself, "the rest will follow".

I wish you the best. You are going to succeed and God Bless.

Another "katie".

;-)