P*ssed off!

Okay so I know I did not track for 2 days. But no where in that 2 days did I feel I went over board, and ate too much. In fact I have done that before with losses, my only worry is without tracking I am taking away a big weight loss, and instead usually have smaller ones in the 1-2 pound range.

Well I worked out last week and I am in week 6 of a 10 k training program, meaning I am ran 30-40 minutes 4 days last week. So I figured even if I kind of slipped I would be okay.

Well excuse this language but...F#@& this! I gained again this week. It was a small gain but still .2 up. Seriously I wanted to punch the guy. If you have ever gone to WW you know you walk in get weighed in, if you lose they smile and say congrats, if you gain the do not say anything, this guy would not make eye contact. I do not even know how this happened. I seriously am at a loss, the 2 other times I gained I was able to pin point why and when I messed up. This time I seriously can not figure how this happened.

The thing is I am mad about gaining, but mostly I am mad, for 2 other reasons. First one the entire month of January, I have lost a total of .2 pounds! That is nothing.

The second reason is, if weight loss is this hard to lose in the 190's what the hell am I going to do when I am in the 160's? And if I can gain without knowing why in the 190's, how the "bleep" am I going to maintain in the 150's?

I am not giving up I am just p*ssed, I just want to cry, eat and give up.

But I won't I will not let the 190's beat me, in fact it is now my goal to get out of them in 1 week! That means I have to lose 4 pounds this week, and damnit I will!


P.s. sorry for the language in this post, I rarely if ever swear, but if you didn't read into it I am a tad bit peeved=)

Tomorrow's weigh in

Well this weekend I broke my 2 week rule and did not track on Saturday and sunday.

I have 1001 excuses about why I just couldn't, but all of them are pointless. So I believe I made good choices. But the scale will be the tell all tomorrow.

I also have worked out only 3 days this week. Again 1001 excuses, but all are stupid. The only thing I can say is this weeks workouts are more intense than the previous week. Today I ran/walked 47 minutes in intervals, 25 minutes of it was running.

So I falling back on hope something I swore I never would do! I hope I did enough to loose weight. I hate to hope, hope has no place in weight loss!! I feel if I step on the scale hoping it says I lost, I am screwed.

I feel I did pretty well this week, but because I did not track for 2 days I can not say for sure. So all I have left is to say I hope I did, not I KNOW I did.

I want to see the 180's and I never will if I sit hoping, that is what Fat Katie did!

Ponderings

Okay so I wanted to address the size 10 jeans, someone commented about being about the same weight and not fitting in size 10's. I am 5'7 and half(the half is important), I also have no hips or butt. I never have, hips and butt have never been a problem area for me, in fact I always have worn a pants size 2 sizes smaller than my dress size. So right now I considers myself a size 12 pants, with some size 10's fitting, but dresses, I wear a size 16, with maybe a size 14 here or there that would fit.

I carry all my weight in my stomach and chest, sad thing is everyone complains about losing boobs when they lose weight, me that is the very last thing that goes=( I finally dropped 2 bra size I am no longer a 42 H, I am a 38 F.

I get excited about being able to fit in shirts. Ones that button up, because at 252 I bought a size 24 shirt, but was an 18 pants(that were extremely tight). So now at 193, I just bought a size XL shirt that fits YAY, and found a size 10 pants that are a little tight but fit. My my calculations I figure at my gaol weight of 150, I will wear a size 6 pants, and a 10 dress.

I also was pondering why 5 years ago when I met my husband, and was only about 5 pounds heavier was a size 10 so foreign, I realized because now I am 5 months into working out. I do both cardio and strength training, so while I am getting thinner I am also getting leaner. These past few months I have been more active than I have been since I played sports in high school.

So I am thrilled I am ONE pair of size 10's, but I am still a size 16 dress!

Size 10 jeans!

So a friend of mine about 4 years ago gave me a bunch of her clothes she got to skinny for(thanks Liz). I was going to lose weight for real that time. I was about 220, and this time I was going to get serious, I told everyone that I was going to do it this time. I even had someone to do it with(not Liz), we had a plan, a plan that we made while smoking in my back yard.

I told Liz about how I wanted to lose weight and she had just shed a few pounds and had clothes that didn't fit her anymore, so she gave me all these 10's, stuff I could not even button up but I would soon I swore. Well I obviously did not follow through with that weight loss, our start date was July 1st, and I found out I was pregnant with Riley on July 4th. I did quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant, but my resolve to eat right, and walk everyday at least 15 minutes was thrown out the window, because I was now eating for 2(apparently I though that meant I would be eating for 2 grown men), and exercise I was too sick, too tired, heck I used ever excuse in the book.

So back to those jeans I put them in a box in my basement and never thought of them again. The other day I got sick and tired of my size 12 falling off my butt when ever I did anything. I went through some boxes found these 10's from American Eagle, put them on and holy crap they fit! They are a bit tight, but not constricting tight. They are completely comfortable and do not leave marks when I take them off. I figure 5 pounds lost they are a perfect fit, but the defintly fit better than the 12's. So I am happy to say I may be spending a life time in the 190's it seems, but I am atleast doing it in a size 10 pair of jeans!

Oh and as a reward I promised myself when I have 2 weigh ins out of the 190's I will buy another pair of 10s for myself.

No Pudge.

Okay I admit it I am a brownie addict. I love all brownies, back in my heavy days I would make a pan of brownies a week, and usually I would eat 2/3's of them. So for 24 weeks I have not made a single batch of brownies, I saw the No Pudge before but never bought them. Today Riley wanted to bake she asked 3 times, I figures today was the day I would try them.

We went to the store, and I looked at all the choices, Krustz, gluten free, and No Pudge, I went with the No Pudge. I will never go back!

They were amazing, I made them as cupcakes, it keeps me honest on what I eat. I made 10 cupcakes, the portion size on the box says 12. In each cup cake I put one piece of caramel, they came out absolutely wonderful, and only 3 points a cupcake.

Then I looked over the box, all ingredients were natural, unbleached flour, sugar, egg, and dutch coco. Seriously I am in love, no fat, low points and amazing taste!

Well it was better than the past 2 weeks, but still up

I was down 4.2 pounds.


I am still up .4 pounds from my lowest. Not bad I could probably nurse .4 pounds away, but I still kick myself because I could be will into the 180's instead of spending nearly 2 months in the 190's.

I am 193.2.

Day 6

Last night I did it I got day 4 in before weigh in day! I stopped at the gym on my way home. I did the eliptical for 30 minuites, and still had 15 minutes before the gym closed. So I thought what the heck I will run a mile, now I have been running on and incline for this entire time, to burn more calories. This time I did not put it on an incline, and just went straight to the run, and was able to do a 10 minute mile! Funny thing is I think I could have kept at that pace a mile or so more. I asked Ryan's opinion if he thought I should go off the 10k training program just to see how far I could run like that, he told me no, just keep at it.

I am loving the feeling of running...but still only after I run. I hate running while I am doing it on the treadmill. I did sign up for the Shamrock run. It is another 8k, and like the turkey trot there is free beer after. So I am sure Ryan is going to be in on this one too. I am also excited because after last night I know I will beat my turkey trot time.

Today is weigh in day so I am being extra good today, I started off the morning with an orange and 1 egg, 2 egg whites, with mushrooms, onions and a touch of cheese. A nice filling breakfast.

Day 3 and 4 and 5

Okay so I have been running around life took hold for a bit. But I was good the past 3 days. I am staying true to my plan, and because I haven't blogged in 3 days I will not bore you with the lists of what I ate for 3 days. But trust me I was good I did go over on Saturday night. I needed a beer or 2 after work, and then ate 2 things I shouldn't have. But not enough to beat myself up about.

I need to work out tomorrow and have no clue when I am going to fit that in. Riley has her play date at the senior center. The little kids all get together and play in front of the elderly residents there. They love watching the kids, and some even get involved it is a wonderful thing for everyone. I can't go before that because childwatch was filled up(I called on saturday!)and after is too late, child watch ends at 1. I have to work at 5 and Ryan does not get home till 4. My only hope is that I get out before 8:30, the gym closes at 10, so if I get out before then I will have my gym bag bring it with me and stop on my way home. If not I will be working out twice on Tuesday! Once in the morning(already scheduled) and a second time before my meeting.

So that is my plan. So much to do it seems and never enough time.

Day 2

Technically yesterday was day 2. I worked out for 1 hour and 10 minutes, I ate enough to satisfy me but did not over eat. I ended the day slightly under my points, 6 to be exact. But I did have a second small helping of mashed potato's that I did not add so that was what I figured it to be.

Yesterday, I at a large banana for breakfast (2 points)
Veggie burger on an Arnold's thin with cheese and salsa (4 points)
Carrots (0 points)
Sugar free pudding cup (1 point)
orange (1 point)

Ryan made a dinner from the WW magazine the cube steak and mashed potato's. IT was wonderful and we split ours into 3 portions, not 4. (9 points)
Roasted asparagus, with olive oil (3 points)

I had a fiber one bar and an ice cream sandwich as snacks....(4 points)

24 points....But I hate to eat for the sake of eating. I really felt happy and satisfied.

I am also thrilled my dad and sister are pledging to work out....anyone else?

2 weeks...day 1

So actually yesterday was day 1 and I did not work out but stayed well within my points.

For breakfast I had an apple, and a banana...3 points

Lunch was Panera, Fuji Apple salad and half an oatmeal raisin cookie...16 points

Orange and carrots for a snack...2 points

Lean Cuisine pizza for Dinner...7 points

Ice cream sandwich for night snack...2 points.

30 points used.

Today I am working out, I am really excited my sister is going to work out 4 days a week for 2 weeks no exceptions, anyone else want to do this with us. Just 2 weeks and you have to move at least 30 minutes. It sounds easy but 2 kids and work I always find excuses to not make it, I am not letting myself do that this time. So Colleen is in....anyone else?

I am returning to the first week mentality. The first week on Weight watchers I was perfect, I tracked every point, I did not eat a bite of anything, I measured my foods, and did not eat anything extra. I may have cried, pouted and wondered the worth of it all, but I stuck with it. I walked in after that first week of WW and had a huge 9 pound weight loss. That huge weight loss was all I needed to stick with the plan, for the next 10 weeks I followed the plan to perfection with 3 pound weight losses pretty regularly. Then I started slipping, and pick at things and not track, I would eat a meal and just not count it. It was all good because I was still weighing in with 2 pound losses. Then I started working out, and hadn't touched my tracker for a month, I was losing but with no consistency, some weeks .4 pounds. I started slacking even more till we got to the now, where I had 2 gains in the last 2 weeks. So I am working hard this week to stay true to the WW plan, work out, and go in to WW with the confidence I had the first 10 weeks. I will work extra had to make sure the scale is friendly this week so it gives me the re start I need. I do not expect to have a 9 pound weight loss like my first week but a good one will really help my morale=)

I wanted to thank Katie J. for my very first ever blog award I am so excited I almost cried about it. Even my sister Colleen called up excited for me....I will be doing the award in a separate post tonight. Thank you Katie J...can I give it back to you?

So now its time to face the music

So I fell off the wagon, when I actually sat down and looked at what I ate the past 2 weeks it is no wonder I gained 4.8 pounds in 2 weeks! Yes this week I gained again I had 1.6 pound gain. One part is something I have no control over really. I am nursing my baby, and we are slowly transitioning into foods. So I have to figure out how much less I have to eat to make up for the not nursing as much, but still keeping my supply up. So pretty much the 500 calories I would burn a day for just nursing is coming to an end. This week I am taking 2 points off a day for nursing (about 150 calories less I will eat for all you non weight watcher folks), and this week I am doing something I have been getting bad at. I am tracking again.

Today I ate a banana an apple, went to Panera ordered the salad I have been eating for 5+weeks only to find out the salad is over 500 calories and 20 grams of fat. I also ate half of Riley's cookie, another 4 points there. I have 15 points left for the rest of day. Not bad and completely doable.



Okay so what is going on....I lost 55 pounds rather quickly and I think I got a little cocky, even sometime when I would eat something not great for me, or ate too much I would still end the week with a loss. Now I am getting to uncharted weight territory, and I think I really start to think my sh*t didn't stink. I had all the wonderful compliments I would share my success, while slowly behind close doors I started snacking, not like I did pre WW, but nonetheless I was over eating fiber bars, WW ice cream. Then I went the week of Christmas without tracking at all, but doing some crazy exercises with my dad, and had people watching me keeping me in check, so that 5.2 weight loss I really got sloppy the next week. If is seriously look at that week I can see why I gained, and this last week I thought I did better but looking back...I know I didn't. True I am sure there were weeks before these two, that ate bad 1 day but the other 6 I would be good. These past 2 weeks there was something I did to sabotage each and ever day. Also last week I only worked out 2 days...for a grand total of 10 points. When I started my work I was doing 7 point work outs I need to start doing that 15 extra minutes of either biking or elliptical.

This week is a start over, I tracked everything I have eaten, I will not take any Bites, licks, or tastes of anything. I will also up my water.

If I want to be as healthy as possible now I start the actual work, the sacrifice of foods, for the first 55 pounds it was almost too easy. I am going to bust my own arse to lose the 4.8 pounds in the next 2 weeks, I want it gone as quickly as it came.

Rules for the next 2 weeks

1. Work out 4 days!

2. use my 33 points only, no flex points no activity allowed.

3. Track EVERY SINGLE day.

4. Blog what I ate.

Still pouting...

I am still not happy. I weight myself at the gym and it showed 194, so that is 2 pounds less than the 196 I weigh in at. Still is 1 pound over the previous weeks weigh in. I keep going over what went wrong in my head, and I seriously have to stop.

I also have been horrible I have not tracked this week...so tonight I start the tracking!

Good thing I ran again today, I am on easy recover week and it doesn't feel very easy to be honest. I am doing intervals of 3 minutes running and 2 minutes walking. I had to do that 6 times and seriously did not think I was going to make it. I think I might have to do this week twice. Running is definitely not something my family is know for, but I am stubborn and I want to set out and prove I can run. So that is working in my favor. I love that stubborn, defiant, competitive person I have in me, I know my husband doesn't like her that much, but that bitch keeps me going to the gym.

I keep debating about taking some extra money we have and buying a wii fit plus, I do not want it for a work out regimen but it would be nice to have something a little extra to do when the girls nap for 30 minutes, or at night even. I have heard 2 positive reviews and 1 only so so review....anyone in blogger land have an opinion?

WTH!?!?! This is new to me grrrrr

Seriously a gain this week, it makes me want to cry! Not even a small one, I gained 3.2 pounds. I have no idea why, I did have a few things that when she first said you gained I thought back to the steak and shrimp New Years dinner, the 3 drinks I had that night. I thought back to the anniversary dinner, knowing pasta is not always the best but all just ate one piece of bread, and ordered the marinera with mushroom sause on my pasta, and 2 glasses of wine. I thought back to the entire bag of tootsie rolls I ate, I did track those too. I thought of my 3 required workouts I did and that was all. I usually throw a couple more in but didn't this week.

Okay so a gain, I figured sure this wasn't the most perfect of weeks, so give it to me what is the damage....I was UP 3.2 pounds WTH!?!?! I seriously wanted to cry, sure this wasn't my best week but I can not figure how ten thousand points snuck into my diet this week.

I have been doing this for 22 weeks now and lost every single week, no one gain ever, and then BAM! this week hit me like a load of bricks. Please blogland can you please tell me what might have caused such a large gain. This is new and uncharted territory for me and I do not like it one bit!

The roller coaster

Some days I am thrilled with myself.

But then there are the days I look in the mirror and still see a huge stomach.

Some days I feel my collar bones, and new found hip bones, and want to jump for joy.

But then there are the days I realize I can still grab handfuls of fat on my back.

Some days I rub my back and notice that I no longer have a fat roll resting on another one.

But then there are days I realize I only got rid of the small roll, the big one is still there.

Some days I look at certain pictures and notice with glee I am missing a chin or 3!

But then there are days I still notice that there are still 2 chins.

Some days I try on clothes and pout because non of my old clothes fit, they are all to big!

But then there are days that I try on clothes my friend brought over, or that have been in boxes for 10 years, and they don't fit either...too small.

It almost seems like it is harder to be half way into this journey, I get all the joys of the shock and excitement, but I am still far away from the thin, marathon running, health freak I have pictured in my head. Right now I am still just Katie trying my damnedest to not eat the potty M & M's(Riley's reward for using the potty is M& M's).

To me it is a struggle every day. If I look back at the big picture sure I will say its not hard, if I can do it ANYONE can. But the day to day struggle, does get to me, the getting up and going to the gym, the picking the right foods, when all I want is the wrong one. The sitting down and writing all the food in, so I stay accountable. These are the things I have to do everyday.

In the end I will look back at this time, and be glad I did it, be glad I followed through, but I really want this first year to be done!

Darn I hate all the buts in this post.

I am cold, and I have a jacket now.

Last year every single time I went to my mother in laws house she would yell at me for not wearing a jacket. I would always tell her the same thing, "I never get cold", funny thing is I almost beleived that lie. I had a jacket a very nice Columbia Ski jacket, that I bought 3 years ago, that I could not zip up, or heck even move my arms comfortly in. So I would wear it only when absolutly needed, most times I would just have it in the car.

This year I always have it on, and I could probably fit in the large now too. I would love to say that because I am losing the weight I am now colder, but the truth is I was so embaressed by my not fitting in that really nice jacket, that I would just tell people I was never cold.

My next goal is to wear this jacket I bought at the gap years ago(10 years to be exact). I think I only wore it a handful of times before I grew out of that one. It is a nice spring one that I will be wearing all spring. I can not wait till I do not have to lie and pretend I am not cold in 55 degree weather too.

IT is funny to me the more I lose the more I realized how much I lied to myself to justify the weight. If you had asked me 6 months ago how my extra weight affected my life I would have told you not at all or if any very little. Now as I am shedding my fat suit I now know how much it did, and how great this feels.

I am the 50 degree day!

Talking to my best friend, she told me how I am right now the 50 degree day!

First off if you live and always have lived in warm weather this will not make sense, but I was born and Raised in West Michigan, and now reside in Buffalo,so this analogy is perfect for me.

The other day sitting around talking to Julia, I was telling her how everyone is telling me how great I look, and how proud they are of me, and so on and so on. I love it, and it makes me feel amazing to know I am doing this, BUT...all the complements sometimes makes me feel I am done. I am so not done, in fact I have weighed this much before and my mother (who I love and is one of my biggest cheerleaders) once saw me at the weight I am now, and told me I looked bad and needed to lose weight.

So what is the difference between that 22 year old who gained 30 pounds in one year and weighed 195, and the 31 year old who just lost 60 pounds and weighs 195??

That is where the 50 degree day comes into play.....

Winter hits hard in west Michigan and Buffalo, and when it does it often seems like there is no end in sight...then that first 50 degree day hits. It is wonderful you see people outside, people running, kids at the park, no one wears a jacket insisting it is gorgeous and no need for one. Everyone looks forward to this as the beginning, knowing warm weather is in sight.

Then the opposite of that that first 50 degree day after Summer. In this area you usually get one before the end of September. You hear people crying about how cold it is, and people bundle up and stay inside insisting it too cold for anything else. Most people look at this first 50 degree day as the first day of winter.

So that explains me right now I am neither the fat girl I once was, nor am I the thin healthy girl I want to be soon. And because I am on the losing side of this, people like my mom see this 50 degree day as a wonderful great thing with more things to come. Unlike the last time I was this weight, because I gained, she saw as a bad thing that was only going to get worse.

But unfortuantly no one dreams of 50 degree weather. That kind of weather in Buffalo is just a preview of what is too come. I right now am just the preview of what is to come...