IHOP

I went out to eat, and ate well. I ordered the veggie omelet(egg substitute), with fruit as my side. The funny thing is this table of very fit people next to us all had ordered the exact same thing, it felt like I chose right. I also watched my husband eat bacon, hash browns, eggs, and pancakes, and didn't cry, pout or really even wish I could eat it. He had just worked an over time shift doing manual labor he earned it....I didn't!

So I re read my post yesterday and I felt a couple of things I want to clear up....I don't mean I hate all thin people, because I don't, what I hate is that I thought in my head how unfair it was they could eat whatever they wanted and never gain weight. I seemed to think every person that was thin got it by genetics. Stupid I know! We all have that friend that tells us "I can eat whatever I want." I just realized sure they can, but they don't eat as much as I did, they exercise, and they don't eat it all. I have a good friend I work with, she is very thin, and we would split nachos every now and then, and I would always think how unfair it was she could eat nachos with me and still look great, what I now realize looking back, she would only eat maybe a quarter(if that) of the plate. Me I would eat all the rest.

So I do not hate thin people, I hate the misconception that I used to have of them. Now I realize 99% of them work hard to look that good. So next year I can't wait to join the people that have worked to have a great body, not sat wishing for one.

Feeling better

That is my new favorite Breakfast! Weight watcher yogurt, 1/4 cup of granola and 1 banana, It is so good and it fills me up, not an easy task.

So today I feel better I made it through the dinner and the pity party I gave myself, and I feel like I climbed a small mountain and today has been a lot better. I did notice something today at the grocery store, thin people don't eat what ever they want! I know it sounds stupid but part of me always hated thin people I always thought they were the lucky ones and never had to work at anything and just got the body by magic. Today I started looking in carts, every woman that walked by me that had a body I want I checked out what was in her shopping cart, you know everyone had all healthy stuff. Sure there was an occasional treat here and there but over all they had lots of lean meats, fruits, veggies, and whole grain breads.

So here I have been envying them, while eating Oreo's, brownies, candy, and the occasional fruit or veggie. Now I see the basic truth no adult can what I used to eat, and still be thin! I know common sense!

I won!

I sat and watched everyone enjoy pizza while I ate an apple, banana, and celery sticks.

That is all.

Little Pity Party

So I am going to let myself have a little pity party right now, you probably don't want to read this. Today I woke up and I had a mini binge session, I ate a pear, then before it was even 10 am...I ate the rest of my mac and cheese. That was 15 points before lunch. I already ruined my day so i ate 2 fruit rollups, 1 weight watcher cookie and 1 fiber plus bar. So I ate 19 points and still needed lunch and dinner. Well lunch came around and I really wasn't hungry so I ate a piece of fruit and now dinner is coming.

Ryan's parents took Riley last night (part of the reason i think i had a mini binge is because i was so bored), today we are going over to get her and eat. They first were going to BBQ, and make me marinated chicken breast. today Sherry called and said she doesn't feel like cooking and just going to order pizza.....ARGH after my mini binge I wanted to cry. Any extra points I could have saved i already ate. I have never been a person to just eat 1 or two pieces of pizza, even if I could it would be the rest of my points and not leave me satisfied. I think what I like so much about weight watchers is I look for ways I feel I cheat....so instead of putting 1 oz of cheese on something I can have a whole apple, or instead of some condiment I can eat 1 cup of green beans. So I have figured out ways to be able to eat ALL my points, I don't waste any one cheese or condiments anymore. So i am always feeling like I am satisfied. So yeah I can eat 2 pieces of pizza but I will still be hungry, and I won't be able to get my night treat. But at the same time I am not so deep in this that is easy for me to be around food I can't eat, and turn it down. (Btw i am always amazed by the fact people can turn down food.) So now I am just not sure what to do...like I said I am having a pity party for myself because it is not fair I want to eat pizza!!!! Why can I not be like other people and turn down food, or eat a normal amount, why does food have this power over me? Why do people have to eat this in front of me? Will it ever get better, or is this a struggle that I will have to face till the day I die?

I am a little proud of myself I did binge this morning, but I also was able to talk myself down from it getting overly bad, I just hope that I can stay on this path, and if or when an urge to eat comes on and it takes over, I will have the strength to forgive myself and move on, not give up.

5 things I learned today

1. I need a really good sports bra, running is near impossible, the nursing bra just does not give all the support I need.

2. When you loose 15 pounds your new exercise pants won't fit right and fall down as you try to run.

3. WW mac and cheese....just as good as normal, in fact my husband liked it better that my original recipe.

4. You can make a cake with just cake mix and diet coke, and everyone loves it!

5. I can do this, and I just wish I would have done this after I had Riley. Oh well better late than never.


Oh and as a side note I just signed up for the Turkey run, it is an 8k run on Thanksgiving.

Diet Coke chicken...best thing ever!!!

Okay so my dad gave me this recipe, I was a little hesitant but I tried it. Seriously it was so good i can't wait to make it again!

1 can of diet coke
1/2 cup of ketchup
and chicken breast(as many as you want)

that is the basic recipe....you just brown the chicken...put aside and pour the ketchup and diet coke together bring to a boil put the chicken back in and let simmer for an hour covered up.

Now I added some extra thanks to my dad's suggestion. I put some brown rice in it and some onions and green peppers. Oh the rice was to die for and the chicken so tender it was falling apart to the touch. I did something weight watchers tells you to avoid and ate till I was stuffed and still only used 12 points( I ate 2 portions!)

Seriously recommend this to anyone wanting to loose weight or not!

Getting excited about new foods!

I learned at my WW meeting last night that there are 2 kinds of people, People who live to eat, and People who eat to live. I have always been a person who lives to eat! I get so excited about food, going grocery shopping is actually something I would look forward to, all the yummy food (most of what I can't even eat any more). If I knew I was going out I would think all day about what i was going to order, and when the time came I was so excited. Sunday mornings were my favorite my husband would let me sleep in and him and Riley would go out early get donuts for us. You get the idea? My life centered around food.

Well now I have to change the foods I get excited about, I can still enjoy grocery shopping but no more chocolate chip muffins, cookies or anything else that tempted me, now I have to find new things to get excited about. Yesterday I found peaches 99 a pound, I saw pears on sale, and I found a new favorite chipolte hummus and pita bread. True its not the same as what I used to eat but I feel better after eating an apple, much better than after I ate an entire sleeve of Oreo cookies. I am avoiding eating out still, it will be to much of a temptation but shopping is getting easier and eating well is not THAT hard, but I still miss foods.

The hard part is telling myself that I can and will NEVER eat the way i used to. Its is kind of like when I quit smoking I would tell myself over and over I will never have another cigarette again, 1 will never be okay. I still crave them but it gets easier everyday, and now I feel better because I don't stink, I am healthier, and the cigarettes don't control me any more. I can't wait till I can say the same thing about my food addiction, I don't want food to be the thing I enjoy the most. I want to be a person that eats to live.....not live to eat!

Not a Diet, a life style change!

So I have a really great Mother in law she is the sweetest kindest woman I have ever met! But I hate that she makes excuses for me, and she is constantly trying to feed me. Like the day I came home after loosing 9.2 pounds she tells me I earned a cupcake, when I politely tell her no, she insists till thankfully my husband almost yelled at her telling her I won't eat a cupcake. When Ryan promised me an entire wardrobe of clothes when I reach a size 6, she told him I could not reach it I just have a big body type and look at my shoulders they are just too wide to ever be a size 6. I know she was just trying to be supportive but really tell me the last time you saw a fat person with a petite frame it is just an oxymoron. She also keeps telling me that "you just had two kids" and yes that is true but so have a lot of my friends and they did not become 100 pounds overweight. I can be a size 6, and I will be, I don't have a large frame I have a normal one, I doubt I will ever be a size 0, but a size 6 is something I once was and will be again.

I have heard a lot of people that have struggled with obesity say that it has been a struggle all there lives, that is not so for me. True I was never super tiny but I have been 8/10's in recent times. I look back at pictures of me at those times and think wow I looked pretty good, the irony is that I thought I was fat then. I even join WW years ago when I was a size 12, I never followed it seriously, but I lost 20 pounds then quit. Now I am a size 18/16 depending on the pants, and I am looking at the mountain of 88 pounds still to loose...argh its such a large number its scary.

So here I am babbling at night to keep from eating, I guess the whole point of this was to say people tell me things to help me justify my own weight, I am sick of it I am fat, I don't want excuses I want support with loosing weight don't offer me a cupcake as a reward, just say congrats! Don't make excuses for me because I did that for years and now because I let myself do that i have 100 pounds to loose.

I hope this post made some kind of sense.

Should be cleaning!

But I am not. both girls are napping and I already started my snacking, I really have to stop that. I ate green beans and 2 fiber chocolate bars(soooo good), not bad snacking but still if I wasn't here I would eat more!

I did very well today, I ate an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast only 4 points. I took Riley to story time at Barnes and Noble, and I didn't get lunch there nothing really was healthy, so I bought Riley a rice crispy treat, half is still in the diaper bag(that i left in the car so I would not even be tempted). For lunch I had a banana, pita, and chipolte hummus...and then I of course over snacked=(

Today I am going to the weight watcher meeting, I missed it yesterday just as I was walking out the door, Riley decided to take Sophie out of her swing....a 2 year old and a 12.5 pound baby do not mix. So I will make it up today. I am also searching out gyms to join I am leaning toward just joining the YMCA, they have everything I need plus free child care.

Good news of the day is that I tried on a pre Sophie pair of jeans and YAY they fit! And I wasn't totally squeezed in either, by the end of the week they should fit just perfect. I also have a pair of Khaki's that I hope will fit in 2 weeks! I can't wait to not own any clothes that fit me though....it will be a long time I still have all my 10's I have not worn in years.

Bored and don't want to eat...

Colleen, James and Ryan partaking in fun on the iceberg...something I could not do for 2 reasons...1.I could not pull myself up to climb it and 2. I don't have a bathing suit that fits.

My hot husband and my sister on the top of the iceberg.....next year I will join them!

Riley tubing for the first time with daddy.

Riley Kayaking for the first time....with daddy.

My dad Mom, and Riley cooking

Colleen, my mom and Riley eating cake I turned down=)

Me giving Sophie a bath....how come rolls on a baby are adorable, rolls on me not so cute?

A baby cow that was born the same day as Sophie.

Daddy and Riley and cows at the dairy farm.

So I am doing 2 things here....first figuring out how to blog pictures(I can't figure out how to post this on the top) and second showing you my thin family, and all the things I missed doing this year because of the extra weight. For the first time ever I did not water ski, I wasn't sure if I could pull myself up so I just did not bother. I didn't go on the tube with Riley because I didn't want anyone to see me in a swim suit. I am not saying this for a pity party just reasons I want to keep on this journey.

Today I went to Wegman's and bought all healthy stuff, I had fresh fruits veggies, every carb was whole grain, and the only treats were skinny cow ice cream. I am on a weight loss high, I have lost 12.8 pounds in 2 weeks, I am worried what will happen when I slow down

I just want to thank my readers again your silent support is what I hope will get me through the slow weeks that will eventually come.

Down 3.6!

Yay another weight loss, down 3.6 pounds!

Bad news I didn't get a chance to run, but I did mow the lawn, and walk with Riley to take the movies back. I also have been parking from the farthest place in the parking lot so I have to walk far back and forth to my car. I will start running soon I swear....

Home now

So it has been a couple days. We had two big family parties with lots of good food. The first day I did very very well even turn downed the cake. I also didn't go out with My sister, brother and husband so I was not even tempted to have beer and appetizers. Then day 2 of the party came and for dinner I was fine....till my cousins brownies and my aunt's cookies sat there calling my name. I ate one of each=( But I did not use any flex points this week and figure that those 2 items easily account for all of the flex points. You know it is funny being held accountable for those two things kept me from eating only 1 of each, in past days it easily could have been sooo much more, 3 or 4 cookies, 2 or 3 pieces of brownie all in one day. I was so good about hiding it, I would eat one at a time, and always made sure no one ever saw me eat, I would hide in bedrooms to eat them. Oh how I hope to break those old bad habits.


So parties are over my sister left to go home, now I will be back blogging to keep from boredom eating. It is not too bad every time i want to eat I try to picture myself skinny, and sometimes it works, luckily I only really see my cousin and aunt's tempting brownies 1 time a year!

So soon I will start my triathlon training, tomorrow I am going to do my first run! I will tell you how that turns out, oh and tomorrow is also weigh in day......

Still on vacation

Today my husband comes in YAY, later we are going out drinking, have to save a few points for that! I have only used 10.5 so far today, and I found my new favorite snacks, Quaker caramel rice cakes Oh MY sooo good. Also thanks to my dad I found the Arnold's thin sandwich bread things, they are very good I had one with an egg this morning.

So far things are going good, I am excited to weigh in on Tuesday, I know I won't have another 9.2 pound week but I am hoping for a 2-4 pounds maybe.

So I realized I am the abnormal one in my family. My dad dropped 66 pounds, and my brother lost 100 pounds, and my mom is looking skinny, and well Colleen is and always has been thin, I am the fat one! Colleen used to be the odd one by being thin in a family that was pretty much all overweight, and out of shape. Now not only is everyone thin they all bike a ton, run in the mornings, and just darn right put me to shame. It is a good thing I have very cute kids because otherwise I don't think they would let me in!

I just keep telling myself soon I too will fit in.....The triathlon is all that much more of a goal now!

Fat Katie signing out!

Oh no

So eating used to be the center of my vacations, now I am having a hard time keeping up with my points. Yesterday even after all that food I ended up being 7.5 points under. Today I have 25 points still to eat. I know I shouldn't complain, its just I am hardly snacking at all.

Today I had my dad's yummy granola mixed with yogurt and a banana only, 6 points. Then for lunch i had a snack wrap from McDonald's, and some Quaker crisps.

Well at least tonight I can REALLY enjoy my dad's meal. He is making Salmon Wellington...can't wait!

In Michigan

I am currently in Michigan visiting my parents. WW is going very well here since my dad is on it as well. He has lost over 60 pounds in 6 months, so he gives me hope!

Our trip here (colleen, the girls, and myself) was eventful my 2 year old got car sick, we pulled over to clean her and the car up and found a Pita Pit restaurant, we ate there. Then for dinner it was my dad's amazing cooking of pasta and shrimp oh it was sooooo good! All that and I stayed UNDER my points.

Today I ate out again thinking my lunch was a good one and it ended up costing me 14 points, the salad, which sounded good turned out not to be so good with 8 points on that alone! Plus I had some left over pasta for breakfast( it was THAT good). So I am reaching my limit, but I should be okay just a light dinner and I will be fine.

Well that is all going on here I am still on a 9.2 weight loss high that feels amazing. I just hope to fit in 16's soon. How horrible is it that I can't wear a size 16....soon I will be there and then 14, 12, 10's and then 8......you get the picture.

9.2 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first week I lost 9.2 pounds YAY, all the sacrifices and tears about donuts seem a little worth it now!

I have to turn down Birthday cake tonight, loosing the weight will make it a little easier.

Weigh in day

My usual days to weigh in are Tuesday's but because of the trip to Michigan tomorrow I am weighing in today at like 4. I will let you know how it turns out. I have been good this weekend, I have been eating light breakfast's and lunches so I can really eat a fun dinner, and even have a few points left over for dinner.

Yesterday for dinner Colleen and Ryan made the best pizza EVER! A chicken BBQ, and Pineapple pizza cooked on the grill, oh wow it was amazing.

JERK!!!!!

I am so mad at my husband, he brought donuts home for him and Riley this morning. Sunday morning donuts have been our tradition for the longest time. My first sunday without donuts him and Riley eat some in front of me, while I eat egg whites with veggies.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr at Ryan.

Reasons to loose weight

-For the girls, I want to run and play with them for hours.
-I want to pass on healthy eating habits to Riley and Sophie, so they never struggle with weight as I do.
-To have my husband find me as hot as i find him!
-So my mom stops giving me that look that says "are you really going to eat that"
-So I am not the fat one in the family
-I want to wear a dress, and look good.
-I want to wrap a towel around me when I get out of the Shower.
-I want to fit in a tub.
-If/when I get pregnant strangers will ask me when I am due.
-I want to shop for style, not just buy things because they fit.
-I want to shop in non-plus/women's clothes.
-I want to wear and look good in a bathing suit.
-So my mother-in-law will stop saying things like "its all in your boobs" or "your just big boned"
-SO I stop thinking everyone else thinks "why is Ryan with such a fatty"
-I want to stop avoiding mirrors.
-I want to stop avoiding being IN pictures.
-For health, Diabetes and heart disease run in the family.
-So I am not 70 pounds heavier that Ryan.
-So I can beat Ryan at tennis.

I have this list on my fridge and I am sure I will be adding more reasons. But this is the start of why, I am hoping all these reasons will help me stay away from falling off the wagon. I keep telling myself I will NEVER be able to eat like I used to, and it scares me. Food has been a friend, a comfort, a hobby, and an enjoyment for me, and now it is going away. So I am sad scared and hope that the reasons I listed over power the pull/addiction I have to food.

katie

Colleen is here!

So Colleen cam in today at 10. We picked her up, dropped Sophie off with the in-law's and went on the Maid of the Mist. Riley had blast, she loved getting wet and seeing the water. Oh and she LOVED her blue poncho.

For my day it was okay I stayed in my points I believe....I only ate oatmeal, and a 6 in subway turkey on wheat, with no cheese, no mayo and none of my favorite chipolte sauce. But then at dinner i ate, I ordered the small spaghetti parm, and I forgot to say with meatless sauce, so I had to count 10 points on sauce alone, plus the wine and beer i had. Luckily I just came in under my points barely, but I am leaving the last 3 unused just in case.

Well tomorrow is the fair, no fried cheesecake, fried dough, or anything else super yummy for me, but it should still be fun.

I exercised, kind of.

This morning the lawn needed to be mowed so I begged my husband to let me do it. Then I came in thinking an egg scramble filled with veggies would be good, but Ryan and Riley ate all the egg's=( So oatmeal it is for me and not the good way I used to make it piled with Brown sugar.

So after I took a shower got out and realized another reason I want to loose weight, I want to wrap a towel around me, and it completely cover me. Soon I will blog my list of reason I want to loose weight. but now the baby is calling for some boober action. Btw I am a nursing mom, so that means 10 extra WW points YAY.

more..

SO it is night and the kids are in bed, now is the time I usually snack, and snack, and snack. Plus it was a really difficult day, it was so hot that I only had Riley outside for about 2 hours, and Sophie was cranky for most of it, so I couldn't even really play. Ryan was gone all day, he had to work at 6 am, then right after work he went to his uncle's house to help put his new roof on, argh so I was mad at him, for no good reason.

So I am so tempted to raid the fridge, I did eat 3, 1 point carrot cakes....which when you eat 3 it means they are now 5.5 points, not 3 points=( SO no snacking for me. I have my 35 flex points still but I am waiting to us them for this weekend. My little sister is coming in from San Fransisco YAY! We are hitting up Maid of the Mist tomorrow, the Fair on Sunday, and a Bison's game on Monday. I think all extra points need to be saved for then.

This is really hard and I am only on day 3, I don't think I realized how bad I really truly ate. Even without the binge eating I would sometimes do I ate horrible! I had 10 points left for dinner and Ryan wanted to order out for something, and there was NOTHING I really could order, so I ended up with a turkey pita and Ryan went to bed, eating nothing.

I guess that is enough babbling for now, Thanks to the people that read this, I need the accountibility this gives me!

My new blog!

I will start off about me. I am a mom to 2 adorable wonderful sweet girls. I am wife to the most wonderful patient(most of the time), understanding(some of the time), and handsome man(well i think atleast). I am mainly a stay-at-home mom. I do work part time at the cheesecake factory as a server. As far as serving jobs go it is the best one I ever had, but I look forward to the girls being in school so I can use a degree and have a real job.


Now why I decided to blog......I am fat, there is no other pretty word for it, I am not plump, chubby, big boned or any of those other nice words for I am fat, obese, and any other word that hurts to see. But I will be honest I am 250, yes I am that big. In the past 3 years I quit smoking, and had two babies. Now that may be part of why I am fat, but mostly its because I eat, I love to eat, and when I eat I eat a lot. I started weight watchers 2 days ago, and sit here bored, and wanting to eat so I decided I am going to blog my journey to loose 100 pounds.

So here it goes....

8-14-09 ...251.8