Little Pity Party

So I am going to let myself have a little pity party right now, you probably don't want to read this. Today I woke up and I had a mini binge session, I ate a pear, then before it was even 10 am...I ate the rest of my mac and cheese. That was 15 points before lunch. I already ruined my day so i ate 2 fruit rollups, 1 weight watcher cookie and 1 fiber plus bar. So I ate 19 points and still needed lunch and dinner. Well lunch came around and I really wasn't hungry so I ate a piece of fruit and now dinner is coming.

Ryan's parents took Riley last night (part of the reason i think i had a mini binge is because i was so bored), today we are going over to get her and eat. They first were going to BBQ, and make me marinated chicken breast. today Sherry called and said she doesn't feel like cooking and just going to order pizza.....ARGH after my mini binge I wanted to cry. Any extra points I could have saved i already ate. I have never been a person to just eat 1 or two pieces of pizza, even if I could it would be the rest of my points and not leave me satisfied. I think what I like so much about weight watchers is I look for ways I feel I cheat....so instead of putting 1 oz of cheese on something I can have a whole apple, or instead of some condiment I can eat 1 cup of green beans. So I have figured out ways to be able to eat ALL my points, I don't waste any one cheese or condiments anymore. So i am always feeling like I am satisfied. So yeah I can eat 2 pieces of pizza but I will still be hungry, and I won't be able to get my night treat. But at the same time I am not so deep in this that is easy for me to be around food I can't eat, and turn it down. (Btw i am always amazed by the fact people can turn down food.) So now I am just not sure what to do...like I said I am having a pity party for myself because it is not fair I want to eat pizza!!!! Why can I not be like other people and turn down food, or eat a normal amount, why does food have this power over me? Why do people have to eat this in front of me? Will it ever get better, or is this a struggle that I will have to face till the day I die?

I am a little proud of myself I did binge this morning, but I also was able to talk myself down from it getting overly bad, I just hope that I can stay on this path, and if or when an urge to eat comes on and it takes over, I will have the strength to forgive myself and move on, not give up.