Well if I needed motivation to get me through thanksgiving. Or if I needed a slap in the face to remind me how far I still have to go, I found it. I opened THE box. The one full of clothes I wore at 21. I am not sure what I was thinking but I tried some of it on. WOW I still have a good 25-30 pounds before I think I even want to look in that box again. It was a rude awakening, that yes I have come far, but I am not even close to my goal. And even when those clothes fit it will still be a ways off.
I am excited and happy with myself for 50 pounds, pretty much every clothing I have from the past 8 years now all fits. Any farther back is in this box, and this box makes me angry and disgusted with myself. I realize how out of control, how bad, and how delusional I was. I just want to scream. For the past 4 years I have lived the life I have always wanted, I have an amazing husband, he is gorgeous, funny, smart just about everything I could ask for. I have the 2 greatest adorable children. I am happy, and yet I ate I let myself go, to the point my husband didn't find me attractive, I couldn't play and be involved in my kids life. The clothes I just went through reminded me of all that. The box of clothes that do not fit yet and won't for a month or 3, remind me how many chances I had to lose the weight and turned my back and convinced myself I wasn't that bad.
That box of clothes is all 8 to 10 years old, stuff I will more than likely never wear again in my life even when I get that small. But it just reminds me how at one point I was a simple 25 pounds away from my goal. I was so close and I didn't take it. So I am going to keep that box, and not only will it all fit me again, but I will be forced to eventually give it away because it is all too big. It still hurts to know how bad I let myself get out of control.
I will be forever grateful to my dad, who gave me my life....twice! Because of him I actually looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I had become. And because of him(and my mom) I was able to go to that first weight watchers meeting. And because of him I knew that I could do it, because if he did it so can I. And because of him(mom again too) I have a continuous support system.
But dad why couldn't you lose all your weight when i was 200? not 252...then I would have had such an easier time....jeesh=P