Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Don't want to talk about today.

Okay this is hard, I started this blog with the idea it will keep me accountable, the thing is I told everyone about it, my family friends and weight watcher bloggers all read it. The weight watcher bloggers I am not to worried about you all get it. My family, parents, and friends I never want to let down. My parents have been so incredibly supportive, I have had friends give me clothes for the future, I have had people I have barely ever talked to at work come up and congratulate me on my journey. Blogging world have been been there supporting me, Diane, Jenn, Learning to be less, Laura, and Jack, just to name a few. That is why this post is so difficult....

In 10 weeks I have been good, there have been times I ate things that weren't weight loss friendly, but I prepared for it by eating less during the day. I have eaten out and ordered the right things, and once even thought I was ordering good, turns out I was wrong, but I did do it with the best of intentions.

Today I not only ate all my points, but I ate all but 18 weekly points. If we are counting that is 55 points I ate today. I ate a good normal breakfast(4.5 points with oatmeal and an apple), then for lunch we went to Pizza Hut, for there buffet. To be honest I did better than I had in the past, 3 pieces of thin slice pepperoni pizza, 1 bread stick and 1 slice of apple dessert pizza(24 points). Dinner I had all intentions of just eating a smart one meal then I would have stayed in my points value, but no the left over healthy beef stroganoff was calling my name, after weight it I knew it was 1 and half servings so 11 points there.

So now if you are counting we are at 39.5 points only 1.5 points over my daily allowed, if I would have just stopped then...nope.

Riley get M & M's every time she uses the potty, for 10 weeks I have not touched a single M & M, today I cracked 1 that fell became 1 handful, 1 handful became a second much larger one, so I am counting that as 1 bag of M &M's 5 points.

Then I don't know why but I ate 2 packs of 100 calorie hostess treats(3.5 points), 1 bag of weight watcher pizza pretzel thins(2 points), 1 weight watcher ice cream(2 points), a fruit snack(2 points), and deli ham, yes deli ham straight up don't ask(3 points)....

For the grand total of 55 points today. I am so ashamed even while doing it I kept asking why, and couldn't answer why. I still have no idea, its not like any trigger happened that made me eat and eat. It could be Ryan is working nights, so he is sleeping in late waking up when the girls pretty much go down for a nap and leaves just before they wake up, so I have little to no breaks, nap time is when I clean, when Ryan comes home is when I take a few moments to myself. It could be Sophie is going through a growth spurt so she is nursing every 2 hours, so I am more hungry than normal. It could be I just am so bored even with both girls here that I am turning to food like I used to. Or it could be without Ryan here at night I don't have anyone "watching" me so i can just eat and eat.

It probably is all of the above. I need to find something to do at night till Ryan is back on days.

There is no excuse for what happened today, I feel like crap, like I just gained 10 pounds. I don't want any oh its okay its only one day crap, because I can not justify this. I worked my ass off for 10 weeks and I don't want to have anyone justify this for me. I screwed up, tomorrow I will be at the gym. My goal is to work out, make up the extra points I ate, plus some so that means instead of 1 hour a day I am going to work out 75-90 minutes a day.

So that was my f*ck up day!


Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

Okay, I won't humor you with the "it's okay" comment, because you are right in some respects. It's not okay to overeat. But we all mess up - I do - even to this day. No one is perfect.

The main thing I'd recommend is do just what you are doing. Be honest with what happened. Try and figure out why it happened. And move forward.

You have done great. The nursing thing could be some of it though. I nursed all 7 babies, and when they went through a growth spurt and nursed all the time, I also could tell a difference in my hunger level.

Take care and don't beat yourself up! Figure yourself out. You can continue your journey and have the long term success you deserve!!

james said...

The cool thing about this, is hey- you've proven you can lose the weight. If you have a bad day, enjoy it- you can undo the damage. If you have too many bad days, well maybe it's time to reconsider a few lifestyle choices.

(who now gets to pedal off about 2 weeks of beer/ribs/smoked fish/pancakes rally binging. Oh man, was it worth it. :) )