Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Y, baby, and Ryan made dinner.

okay so I couldn't put off joining the YMCA, my friend Gretchen signed my kids up for the play room during spin class, so I couldn't back out now. So I went in today and start tomorrow, I am excited I want to really get that working out groove going. I have been slacking with my walks since work started, and I want to not only lose weight but, be fit and trim as well. I also met with a personal trainer to set up a work out to focus on both weight loss and training for the triathlon.

I also want all of blogger world know one of my best friends had her baby today, she didn't find out the sex so it was a surprise, she already has 2 gorgeous girls, and was sure she would soon have 3 girls. But....she was wrong she had a beautiful baby boy named Owen, he has a head full of jet black thick hair. I know my baby is only 3 months old but wow it is something to hold a brand new baby, I am a little sad that I will never hold my own brand new baby again. But not THAT sad.

And so Ryan made dinner, it seemed so wonderfully weight watcher friendly, till I asked "how much olive oil is in this?" the answer brought me to tears, half a cup+ 2 tablespoons! Of course I found this out after I had a small second helping.

Oh and I am resisting the urge to binge, okay this is personal but I feel my husband is not behind the weight loss as much as I would like. I have lost 30 pounds in 8 weeks and he doesn't even so much as give me a hug, kiss even a thumbs up. When I was picking out a gym he was the one that was telling me I could not go to the Y it was to much and when I was trying to figure out a way we could afford it, he got pissed and said " whatever you want" but he said it not meaning it. When I got home today and told him I joined the Y officially, he didn't talk to me the rest of the night. I made an appointment so he could go check it out (they gave a us a free week pass) and scheduled child care for him, he was angry about that. Said "maybe I have plans" and that he wants to work out when he feels like it not have it planned.

I also don't spend lots of money, my mom taught me to NEVER pay full price for anything. Still to this day the idea of buying something not on sale gives me anxiety. My wardrobe consists of solid color t-shirts and khaki pants, 2 things that don't have high price tags. The last time I got my hair cut was at Christmas and my parents paid for it. So I just get upset that when I want to join a gym to lose weight, he gets pissed off.

I love my husband he is gorgeous, has been a size 34 pants his entire adult life, weighs 180, forty pounds less than me. I am doing this so I can be someone he would be proud of. He didn't go to his 10 year class reunion 3 years ago, and I am sure that if I was a hot skinny girl he probably would have gone. I just hate that he is part of the reason I want to slim down, and its like he could care less. The person I want behind me the most on this journey is acting like he wants me to fail.

So I feel bad about this and all I want to do is raid the fridge, I am not, but the feeling is there. I am sorry if you had to read this long whine about everything, but I really needed to get all this off my chest. I am 90% of the time an upbeat happy person, but when I get down I really really get down, and my pity party in the past always included a huge amount of food, this time it includes writing it out.


Anonymous said...

I'll give you a thumbs up! -Colleen

Laura said...

Men, can't live with 'em.....I think you're doing amazing and it's really inspiring to read your posts! Keep it up! Also, congrats to you friend!

james said...

One of the little things that most diet programs don't really talk about a whole lot is what "lifestyle change" really means. Turns out, how much you eat and exercise ends up being a small amount of that. A lifestyle change will fundamentally alter who you hang out with and how you spend your time and money. There's no way this won't impact your personal relationships. It's best to identify those that are important to you early on and focus just as hard at integrating them into your new lifestyle as you are on your diet (which seems to be going fabulously, thumbs up!)