Sticking with the diet.

So far so good. Sticking to weight watchers without being fat, and without the extra nursing points takes planning. I pretty much know what I will eat for the rest of the day with 2 points left over for a night snack.

I have not been able to weigh in at all. My husband has been working long hours, and I really enjoy the meetings. I also am procrastinating. The more I lose without knowing the less I will beat up on myself. So if I weigh in and still am in the 180's I will be thrilled.

I haven't been able to get back into the working out aspect. It is hard without the marathon as my goal I feel blah about it. I am going to do a duathalon. Even that though seems almost easy in comparison. It is a 3k run, 12 mile bike, and then a 5k run. Just seems so anticlimactic after the half marathon.

So I never told the story of the half marathon. Well here it is a month late but better late than never.

So May 29th I went and picked up my packet, I never felt better here I was showing up to an event with all these people I envied previously and now I was one of them. I received my packet and my husband went out for a pasta dinner. Then my wonderful husband took me to Dick's and let me buy a running outfit. I have always run in pants and whatever t-shirt I could find. It was going to be unseasonably warm so he insisted I needed shorts. I ended up picking out a running skirt, and a sleeveless tight shirt. I thought I looked great...at the store.

Later that night I put on my new outfit to show my husband. He looked at me and lost it, I realised I am NOTHING like the other people picking up the packets, I looked like a cow in the outfit. I yelled at Ryan, I cried, and threatened to not run the next day. I was just really nervous about the race, and took it out on poor Ryan.

The next day I woke up still upset about how fat I thought I would look, but still got dressed, picked up my friends, and went off to the race. We lined up took off, and around 1 mile down we all separated at our own pace. I was doing good till I hit 3 miles, and wanted to cry, I could have sworn to myself that I just ran 5 miles. Thankfully the next 2 miles were all lake front, and I was able to enjoy the scenery. Right at mile 5 I saw my husband cheering me on. Ironically mile 5 the reverse way is also mile 10, I was doing a decent pace, the clock showed 57 minutes, not bad figuring that I was from start not from when I finally crossed the starting line.

I became pretty motivated at that time, I was under the 12 minute pace I wanted for myself. I saw my husband. Mile 5-10 went awesome, I was still running about mile 7 I ran into the 12 minute pacer. He was an older nice man who this was his 132nd half marathon, he also had run 52 full marathons. So I started running with him and 2 other ladies. We had fun we were encouraging and enjoying ourselves.

Then I passed the mile 10 marker.....I asked the pacer where we were and he said we were a little behind pace it was at 2 hours and 5 minutes. I was okay with that...and then BAM!!!!!!!!

I hit the wall, the idea of running anymore had me in tears, I started to just walk, when one of my new friends tried to encourage me I had images of punching her in the nose. I slowed down to a near crawl. The only thing that kept me going was pure fact that I would not be the one that gave up after 10 miles. If I had to crawl across that finish line I would do it. So I kept going, slowly and walking. Mile 12 came and there was my husband in running shoes. He kept lying to me saying it was just around the corner not long, I would try to run but my toe (of all things) would cramp up and I would lose my balance. So I just stuck to walking. Just I hit the strip where the end was I hear "MOMMY GO MOMMY" look over and there are my darling girls cheering me on like I was going to win the race. So toe be damned I was going to run across that line. I started running like it was the first mile, I ran over gave them hugs on the run, and ran across that finish line at 3 hours 2 minutes and 15 seconds.

I was finished 2427th(out of 2583)....but when I went over to meet my Riley with my finishing medal, she ran up to me gave me a big hug and said "YOU WON MOMMY, You WON!!!!!!!!"

So that was the race, it took me an hour to go 3 miles, and 2 hours to go 10. I think I needed to work on endurance a little more. I figure I can only get better, I can't get much worse. After I know I get the half marathons down I will start to prepare for a full. But I have to be able to do it in less than 5 hours.

I am back

It has been awhile. I have been taking a break from the weight loss, I gained some. I don't know how much but my size 8 jeans are too tight, and the size 10's are still falling off but were not embarrassing anymore. I will go to weight watchers again tomorrow, and will soon know the true extent of damage I have done. I am a little nervous about it.

I have spent the last 2 months not tracking, but I can not say I am eating horrible just just not watching. I also won't say I regret everything I did. I enjoyed this little break, this time where eating, counting and exercising controlled my life. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, but always with the mindset of still eating right. I never bought Oreo's and ate the entire bag, I never ate big Mac's and french fries. I still loved my Moe's and kept away from adding high caloric things like loads of cheese, sour cream, and eating it with the tortilla.

I did eat pizza now and then, would let myself have cake at birthdays, and eat buns, real ones not Arnold's thins. I just let myself eat when hungry and stop when I was not. Stuff I will get to do when I am at the end of the weight loss journey....not in the middle.

The one part I did disappoint myself with was the fact I stopped exercising, sure I have my excuse of working more, but that is an excuse. I made 2 YMCA reservations this week, so I can jump back on that wagon.

I started up the weight watcher web site and tracked everything for today. I am drinking water and trying not to cry to myself about the loss of nursing points. I have 19 points less than I had when I started weight watchers. It almost makes me wish I could be a wet nurse and NEVER stop nursing.

I do have a ton more to tell you but that is a start. I will end with 2 pictures. One is From Sophie's first birthday and the other is from my older daughter's first birthday. It still amazes me to look at the difference. Sophie turned 1 on June 23rd 2010. Riley's is from February 27th 2008.

I ran the half marathon

People close to me and on face book have been bugging me....I will do a much longer post but I am alive, I finished my first half marathon, and I have not lost nor have I gained any weight in the past 6 weeks.

That is the quick update I will be back for more!

Scared to run outside

Today I am going to force myself to run outside. I have avoided it at all costs, even to the point of picking fights with my husband so I did not have to go run outside. I can run for hours(okay 1 hour) on the treadmill. I seriously go into a panic thinking about running outdoors.

I am not sure what the block is, but I have some thoeries.

1. If I run outside EVERYONE can see me, at the gym only the people there can see me run. Bonus is I work out at the YMCA, so most people are in the same shape I am in, not super buff people. Infact on the treadmill today I worked out next to a 70+ woman on one side, and an 82 year old man(he told me) on the other.

2. I am not secure in how I look running, I am afriad people will drive by and laugh at the fat girl trying to run.

3. Bra, I have huge boobs, like 38 G cup, no matter the bra I buy there is still some major bouncing that I once again don't mind the few people at the gym seeing but to open that to the public freaks me out.

It all comes down to my insecurities. Walking I would have no issue with, but running freaks me out. So today I am going to run to my meeting...

Hockey game, 3 beers and a pizza

My husband is a huge sports fan, he is a fan of every sport out there, not just to watch but to play it as well. So me being a nice wife, went out and bought us both tickets to the Buffalo Sabers playoff game. It was great we had a much needed date night, on Thursday. I was good all day waiting for this night, we went out to eat and I ordered the small veggie pizza, and beer.

I did not track what I ate, but I do not think I did too bad but I am playing the "hope game" for my weigh in on Tuesday.

Running is going well. Today I ran on the treadmill covering up all the info and went purely on instinct and what felt comfortable, and I ran faster than ever before I did my 5 k in 34 minutes. I love running in intervals though, I do 4 min. run and 1 min walk. I am sure I could run it all, but I think that 1 minute makes me feel like I am taking a break. I think that is what I will do for the half marathon. I actually run faster over all with intervals, and I can go farther.

I am back on track for the rest of the week, lots of water and lots of eating well. I think I will still post a loss but I don't think it will be 10 pounds HAHA.

Slacker!

I just found this blog last night. She just hit under 150 pounds, and lost over 100 pounds. The thing that spoke to me about her blog is that we started our weight loss journeys, and blogs at the exact same time. It spoke more to me because she started her blog at almost exactly the same weight I was. She was 254, and I was 252. We both lost 50 pounds at almost exactly the same time frame, we both got under 200 the same week.

Then I did something she didn't do...

I told myself that the next 50 would be so much harder to lose, and let my self slack. She has just lost another 50 pounds and is under 150 pounds, me I lost 20.

I realised she never told herself that it was going to be too hard to lose another 50 pounds in 4 months, so she kept going strong, and she kept seeing great losses. She never gave herself permission to go off plan because people told her how great she looked(oh and she does!!) so kept on losing. She never had to work extra hard one week to lose the weight she gained the previous week, because she never let herself lose sight of the final goal. I did all of those things, and that is why I have only lost 20 pounds in 4 months and she is at my goal!

This motivates me to want to keep going, because if she can I can too. I just wish I found her sooner because maybe it would have helped, but then maybe I would have excuses....I am good at those!

If I was on the Biggest loser...I would have won this week!

10.2 pounds...Holy crap!! I new it was going to be decent, but I thought I would lose, 6-8 pounds not all of it plus some. So that puts me at a new low!!! I have officially lost exactly 69 pounds.

In other news thanks to Katie J, and the blog she sent me too, I have some things to think about. I still really want to look my best, and I still have time. I now know what to ask and a little more of what to expect if and when I get a tuck done.

In sad news my parents beagle, the one I picked out my senior year of high school, is dieing. She has cancer and they do not expect her to make it through the summer. I am really sad about this, she is the sweetest funny beagle ever, so in her honor and something that has nothing to do with weight loss I am going to tell a funny Rosie story.

Now I am sure you have all heard beagles are natural born hunters, they have hunting instinct. Well we thought Rosie missed that message, because she never tried to hunt anything. Until one day...My dad loves to take Rosie for walks through the State Park camp ground in the winter, and one day the get out of the car and Rosie immediately goes on point. She smells the air, and start baying like only a beagle can, and then takes off. My dad start chasing after her(swearing I am sure the entire time), it is winter so no one is really camping and my dad follows her tracks, until he comes across what she "hunted".....It was a Boy scout group cooking bacon!

GRRRRRRRRRRR

I have lost 70 pounds, and I look in the mirror and still see my stomach. My HUGE stomach. It seems I have lost 70 pounds everywhere but my stomach. I can fit in size 10 jeans, but a dress I need a size 16.

It came to a boiling point today when I went shopping for a T shirt. We are going to a Buffalo Sabers playoff game on Thursday, and needed a couple new shirts. Ryan and I went to the store I grabbed some women slightly fitted shirts in both large and extra large. The larges were a joke, and the extra large I came out and asked Ryan what he thought, he just shrugged...and knowing my husband I knew what that meant. From Ry it means "I have seen you look worse, but its not great."

We left and I had to buy ANOTHER men's t-shirt. I did it in tears, I am so sick of this huge stomach. I actually spent time researching a tummy tuck. I know I still have fat on my stomach but 50% of what bothers me is loose skin. I have fat for years and this is different. With pants I can even tell the difference between the fat and loose skin, my pants all have rolls hanging over them because of skin, I am not stuffed into pants too small, because if I go any larger they fall off of me, and the 10's fit everywhere else...legs, hips, and butt.

I am just so mad! I did what I was supposed to, I ate right, and worked out, why do I have to have this gross stomach.

Today I actually called and made an appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon, I made it for September. It will be just after my one year anniversary of when I started my weight loss journey. I figure I should be close to goal, and have a healthy BMI. I am also seeing about a breast reduction, I currently wear a 38 G. Running is killing me I have permanent scars on my shoulder where my bra digs into my shoulder.

So that is my vain self coming through, 2 kids and a massive weight loss is doing havoc on my body. I just want to be happy with that body, I have busted my ass to loose the weight I do not want to be embarrassed about myself ever again.

Funny thing is I never was as embarrassed about my 250 pound body as I am right now, but like Ryan reminded me I had reached a point I just stopped caring too.

work and thoughts

You know if I need a pick me up work is were it is at! I work part time as a server at the Cheesecake Factory, horrible food choices but a great please to make a little extra money for the family and not ever have to worry about a babysitter. Friendly reminder tip your server, we only make 4 dollars an hour.

The funny thing about this part time job is the support about my weight loss from the people I work with is amazing. The first person that noticed my weight loss was one of managers, he was the very first person that noticed and did not know I was trying to lose weight he just notice I was getting smaller, in fact now he refers me to "slim." People are always giving me compliments, and telling me how great I look. It seriously helps me stay motivated. One person told me I looked like a went on the biggest loser.

I realised through all of this, all these people at work want to see me succeed. They are all rooting for me. And they are having fun watching me shrink before there very eyes.

I also thought about how rare it is for someone to start and lose a large amount of weight. I have bigger friends who yes of lost weight but never all they needed, but I only know one friend who lost 50+ pounds and kept it off. This is something that is hard, it takes a life long commitment, and when you start this there are times your old life style rears its ugly head(hello 10 pounds), but today I realised I like being the person that can accomplish something HUGE (no pun intended).

So for all of you (and me) on this journey know we are working toward something that most people never even start, and few ever carry on. So I am not going to let the small things get me down, I am going to keep on working because the thinner Katie is emerging as some one who is not only healthier and thinner, but also stronger.

I just hope everyone has the support system I have, my parents my friends my co worker and obviously blogger world have helped me...so Thanks!

Day 3 of eating right! Goals set.

Things are going good, I have managed to stay away from everything bad. Surprising the the large weight gain has motivated me to stay true to me goal.

I was thinking about goals and my goal to lose 100 in 1 year means I have 40 pounds to lose in 5 months. My concern is that may not be the most feasible, so my new goal is to be a healthy BMI by August 11th. That would mean I have 30 pounds to lose, little more realistic. I have to really stick to it and work hard though. I could have easily been in the 170's if I had not slacked so much these last 3 months.

Goals...
1. Be 170 on Sophie's 1st Birthday. I was 270 when I delivered her, so techincally that will be losing 100 pounds in a year=)

2. Run 3 days a week 3-7 miles, run it all as well no slacking.

3. Eat my points the right way, I have less now than ever before, so if I want to not always be hungry I have to eat them right. So that means more veggies, fruit, and not using points to eat crap procesed foods.

4. Drink my water, this is something I really got away from the last few months. I was doing great with water, then I sort of stopped and went back to my diet coke addiction. Now I need to restart the water and have my Diet coke as a special thing not as 90% of the liquid I get.

5. MOVE MORE EAT LESS! just had to state the obvious goal.

6. Be a helathy BMI (160) on my start date anniversary...August 11th.

Blah blah the fall happened

So I never thought I would be one of THOSE people you know the one that gains....well I did almost 10 pounds since my surgery.

no excuses, just going to focus on tracking, and training.

This week I am trying the no sugar...its easy for me to say that now because after my weigh in and my plan for tomorrow I did what I also said I would never do and ate more easter candy. I am on a sugar high, so it is always easy to say no more sugar this week. It is the same as saying I will never smoke again after just finishing a ciggerette. It is all the best of intentions UNTIL the cravings hit.

So here it goes...

working out.

I am taking an easy still. I am doing 30 minute walks, while Riley has her gymnastics class. Maybe there is something wrong with me but unless I am sweating and breathing hard I do not feel that it was productive, and a 30 minute walk does not even come close.

IT makes me think back to what I used to consider "working out" I would walk up the street and back down, about 1.2 miles, and congratulate myself on that, then follow it up with a treat of some kind. I used to love to take the .5 mile walk to the gas station by our house, to go get candy, chocolate, or ice cream, the walk the .5 mile back, and eat about 400 calories in snacks. I would walk around the mall for a couple of hours, and follow it up with a trip to Mrs. Fields. They had the buy 3 items get the fourth free, I would eat 2 right away, bring home the other 2, one for me and one for my husband. I always rewarded my measly exercises with a something bad for me.

I will say I was lucky, Even at my fattest I was able to stay some what fit. I never had knee problems, or back problems. Sure after a long walk my feet would ache but I just thought that everyone felt that way. So when I started actually working out I was able to push myself. I was pretty certain that I could run the 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 15 minutes. Now with the slight set back I am going to up that to 2 hours and 30 minutes.

My entire out look on working out has changed, I love to push myself see how much I can do. I think that is why I chose running, it is something I can see every time I run, I can go faster and farther than ever before.

I love that certain things have changed in my life forever, I can never see eating the way I used to ever again. I also can never see me wanting to not work out, sure I will slack ow and then but these past couple of weeks have proven to myself that it is an important part of my life. I miss it so much!

YAY! 183.8

Loosing a gall bladder was nice to me. I am down 6 pounds! Now my goal is to just keep that this week. I really have to watch what I eat, because exercise is slow, today I walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill, and earned a measly 2 points, better than nothing but still not my 40-60 minute runs.

So goal this week is to maintain the loss from surgery, if I lose great, but it will not ruin anything. Next week I hope that I get the okay from my doctor to run again. It kills me though, today is a gorgeous 55 degree day, and I could not run.

So I start my week at 183.8...68 pounds lost since August 11Th.

Holy pregnancy!!

Note to self DO NOT DRINK THE BLOG WATER!!!

Okay just doing my daily reading (I needed to do 2 weeks of catch up) and read 3 of my blogger friends announced they are pregnant!


Congrats to Learning to be less, Jenn at Watch my Butt Shrink, and Laura at Monday Starts today!

Feeling better everyday!

I am scared right now. I am healing a little everyday, I had the laparoscopy surgery done, so I should be back to 95% in 2 weeks. My surgon said I will be able to do everything in 4 weeks.

That is 4 weeks off from strength training, I hope to be okay to run in another week. I do not like this in fact I am getting panic attacks, because lack of working out. I think part of me thinks I will wake up and be 250 pounds again. Everytime I look in the mirror I think I see weight I am gaining.

Tomorrow I have my weigh in, last week I missed it because of an attack. It is hard for me to even guess what the scale will say, I could have lost 10 pounds or gained 5 I guess I will know tomorrow.

The only thing that totally keeps me from freaking out is the less of an appitite I am having right now. It is coming back slowly now but until yesterday I had not one complete meal.

So I will let you all know about tomorrow...Oh one thing I forgot to tell blog world, I own a pair of size 8 jeans.....that fit!!!!

I am back... minus a gall bladder.

I am back.

The past month or so I had these really intese stomach pains, I chalked it up to a stomach ulcer or bad heart burn. Long story short, it turns out I had gall stones. I went to the ER tuesday night with horrible pains and left the hospital yesterday without my gall bladder.

Bad news is that obviously excersising is taking a back seat to healing.

Good news is I have zero appitite I eat only enough of what is good for me and not much more.

189.2

Well its better than a gain, but not the 187 I saw yesterday.

Finally I have had 2 weeks of consecutive losses.

Okay going to meet with a personaly trainer now.

MIA

Okay so I was in Michigan for the past few days. I went to a Michigan State Hockey game, they won! I also went to a Michigan State basketball game they lost=( My almost 3 year old has learned the entire fight song, and will sing it all the time for anyone. It does this mommy's heart proud, she even told Ryan and I, "Mommy that my school!"

As for diet and excersise, I did pretty great. I did not track but I made great decisions, I had tuna, and stir fry. Breakfast at Holiday inn express has these amazing cinnamon rolls, I only split one with my husband one day, the other day I did not eat any. I also got work outs in, I ran 3 and half miles one day, the other day I only made it 3 miles, I drank the night before and it killed me, I ran till I lost 300 calories, then stopped.

Today was a fun exciting day I had a total fitness assesment!

Hear are my numbers...

Current weight 187
Height 5 ft 7.25 in
Blood pressure 118/76
resting heart rate 53
BMI 28.4

Measurements
waist 38 (in.)
Hip 42.5 (in.)
Waist/hip ratio .89(this is bad very high risk it should be under .8)
right arm 11.75(in.) left arm 11(in.) Can you tell what arm I carry the baby in?
Right thigh 22.75(in.) Left thigh 22.5(in.)
right calf 17(in.) left calf 17(in.)

%Body fat (skin folds)

Triceps 17.5 mm
Abdomen 31.5 mm
Supra Ileum 25 mm

Total 74 mm = 30% Rating...borderline high risk GOAL less than 23%

Good news is I have a very high lean mass. If i was to loose weight without lossing any lean mass, and have a 0% body fat I would be 131 pounds!

So to be in the 23% range what is healthy, I need to be 170 pounds. WOOHOO

To be a healthy BMI i need to weigh 160, but the trainer is starting with the body fat first, so my goal is to be 170 by June.

There is a ton of numbers, most on which I don't get, I am kind of bummed that I didn't do this 65 pounds ago, just to see what I have done. I do want to say tomorrow is weigh in day at WW, and if the scale at the YMCA is any indication, I will be in the 180's, but the only weight I count is my weekly weigh in at WW. Here is hoping they match=)

New low

Now if i just play my cards right I could be out of the hellish 190's

I lost and I am down to 190.4

Before I get excited, I have not had 2 consecutive losses since December.

I love my husband!

So my wonderful husband did not buy me candy for Valentines day, he did not buy me flowers, he did not buy me choclate, and he did not take me out for a fancy dinner date. He did something 1000x's better! He bought me running pants. They are real ones too, Nike...if you know me you would know I refuse to ever buy anything name brand for myself, but Ryan bought these so that is awesome!

I have worked out a crap load this week so I do not have any doubt that I will have a loss this week! Today I ran 5 miles and when Ry gets home I plan to go run or eliptical.

While running I was thinking about how hard I have been on myself for still being in the 190's. So I started thinking about what is better in my life right now.

1. I can wrap a towel around myself. Not an extra large one, a normal bath towel.

2. I can shop for all "normal" size clothes, one that button up, zip up, and even dressses are now all "normal" sized.

3. I can run period, never mind the fact that I can run farther and faster than I even excpected.

So as a rule amd I happy in the 190's?? NO, but I sure like the 190 pound Katie a whole lot more than the 252 pound Katie!

Stair master grrr

So the stair master made me its B*tch tonight. I want to start adding a little extra cardio in the mix, just because some running days are less than others so this way I can even it out.

Tonight all ellipticals were fill up=( So I decided to try the stair master, I only needed 12 minutes on it to make my hour complete, so I set the time and figured level 8 (1-20) sounded like an easy enough start. I chose fat burn PLUS for my work out and start going...holy crap. I made it 6 minutes before I wanted to cry like a baby.

Now I am going to make that my little goal, work that stair master till I can do 12 minutes.

Side note about running I ran/walked 5.75 miles today. I ran at noon, but didn't make it far because I made the mistake of eating right before going in, so I got a side cramp and walked the rest on a very high incline. Then later I went again, Ryan had set the time to work out then he had to work, so I went in his place. This time I ran my 5k, I did it in 32 minutes this time. I feel great.

I also had my BMI evaluated today. After new Years I went in and had a real BMI done on me. I measured in at 29.9 just under obese and I was simply overweight.

Today even though I weigh the same as I did then...exactly the same to be honest (ouch it still hurts to say that!), I had a BMI of 28.4. I am thrilled it means even without losing weight I am getting leaner. SO things are changing.

As happy as I am about that I really still need the scale to change, I wouldn't mind if at 160 I was a healthy BMI and I could quit then, but I am still in the 190's and unless your over 6 feet tall I don't think there is such thing as a health 190!

Oh my friend gave me idea after talking to her...I think for lent I am going to give up all sugar. Yes I am writing that in blog land so that is now a binding statement and means I have no choice but to follow through now!

I think I can do it...Diet Coke and all.

Good thing I have some time till lent...wait when does lent start??

Dreading having to post this=(

So another fricken gain this week.

.8 up. That is sad because my new low is gone. this week I am trying to do everything right. I even will be able to get 2 work outs in today.

Oh I tired my first lara bar. It was amazing. Just a little high in calories but I think better for me and longer lasting than the old fall back of fiber one bars. I had the pecan pie. But it was still 5 WW points. If it was 3 I definitely would be buying a box, but 5 just seems a little too much. But it will be a treat for myself now and then. I will keep a couple in the cupboard for when I need a sweet treat.

Slowed down

So with my leg healing I felt slower today, I only did the 5k in 36 minutes. Still not bad figuring I used to average 15 minute miles. I also ran on an incline, keeps the calorie count high.

My leg is healing and because of that, it scabs over, when I run it opens the cut, and it hurts. I run through because that is what a bad*ss I am=)

Tomorrow is weigh in, I did have a 3 day work out, so I am not feeling to sure about it. I feel best when I get in 4 or 5 work outs, 3 is just bare miniumum. So I think I will be at the gym tomorrow kicking it biggest loser style and busting my butt till they kick the girls out of child watch(2 hour limit). I have a 50 minute run, followed by my 15 minutes of strength training, I think I will top it all off with either

45 minutes of bike
or 45 minutes of eliptical

or 22.5 minutes of both to change things up.

Or I can start off with a swim and then go for a run....what to do what to do?

back on track.

It is getting more difficult these days. When I started Weight watchers I had 42 points to eat a day(roughly the same as 2000 calories). I was nursing 100%, and was fat.

Now I have 30 points. Things are not as easy. I used to have 10 points at the end of the day to just eat whatever. Those points are gone, now I have to start planning, figuring out how to get the most bang for my buck!


The good thing is I am getting strong, I can run farther and faster than I ever thought I could. I am at almost 10 minute miles. I can do 3 miles without thinking much of it. In fact I want to push myself harder, but I stay on the 10k prep plan. I am running another 8k in one month and to be honest it does not scare me at all, this time I know I will be running it in under an hour, my goal is to beat Ryan's turkey trot time!

So diet is rough, and only going to get more difficult, but work outs are only getting easier and more fun by the day.

YES YES finally!

I am at a new low...191.8, 60 pounds lost.

Finally I reached a new low.

I should be out of the 190's next week!

I want to thank everyone

I forgot to say thank you, For the suggestions, and the encouragement everyone gave me.

I had a pity party and I am working hard to make sure the weight gains stop and then start to go back down.

I bought a food scale, I kept thinking about it before, but was losing weight so easy and fast that I figured I was fine. Well now I know I need it.

This week I did fine excpet for one day, the day my best friend left. I ate before to deal with the emotions, and then ate again with her, and had beer. So again I am not sure what to excpect this week. I need to stop letting this happen.

But thanks to my husband I got out and excersised everyday I was supposed to. Even with the fall I feel great I got there. Tomorrow I will see how things go whether I am swimming, or running. My leg feels better now, but still has some throbbing to it.

No I didn't fall off the wagon, but I did fall...

My Uncle gave me a great book for Christmas, "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall. I found out I was running all wrong and today was ready to just enjoy a run for the sake of running. No intervals no start no stop just go and go. So I did a 5 minute warm up, bumped up to an 8 minute mile, smiled that I can do this, reached for my water took a sip, and BAM!!

I fell off the the treadmill, the really cute really tiny girl next to me was worried, but I hopped back up and continued my run at a 10:30 minute mile. I also went back to intervals. I was running and really didn't think anything about it till I heard the cute girl say to her friend a 20 minutes later "did you see her poor leg?" that is when I looked down, and saw the treadmill took the skin off my leg.

So at that point now that I noticed it, my leg started throbbing, but I was 20 minutes in and over half way done with a 5k. So I kept on running, figuring that I had to finish I made it this far. I finishd the 5k, and the 2 minute cool down in 34 minutes! I have never run to fast in my life. I think the pain drove me to finish sooner, because I kept bumping up the speed to get the 5 k done faster. I finished, grabbed my coat and left.

I came home and my husband was sweetly concerened, and then when he saw that I was okay he was his normal funny self. He wanted to know if I skinned my knee on purpose to have a better weigh in...a little less skin has to make me wiegh a little less=)

I love that man!

I think I might just swim tomorrow, I also think the ultra marathon the book made me want to do, probably won't happen.

P*ssed off!

Okay so I know I did not track for 2 days. But no where in that 2 days did I feel I went over board, and ate too much. In fact I have done that before with losses, my only worry is without tracking I am taking away a big weight loss, and instead usually have smaller ones in the 1-2 pound range.

Well I worked out last week and I am in week 6 of a 10 k training program, meaning I am ran 30-40 minutes 4 days last week. So I figured even if I kind of slipped I would be okay.

Well excuse this language but...F#@& this! I gained again this week. It was a small gain but still .2 up. Seriously I wanted to punch the guy. If you have ever gone to WW you know you walk in get weighed in, if you lose they smile and say congrats, if you gain the do not say anything, this guy would not make eye contact. I do not even know how this happened. I seriously am at a loss, the 2 other times I gained I was able to pin point why and when I messed up. This time I seriously can not figure how this happened.

The thing is I am mad about gaining, but mostly I am mad, for 2 other reasons. First one the entire month of January, I have lost a total of .2 pounds! That is nothing.

The second reason is, if weight loss is this hard to lose in the 190's what the hell am I going to do when I am in the 160's? And if I can gain without knowing why in the 190's, how the "bleep" am I going to maintain in the 150's?

I am not giving up I am just p*ssed, I just want to cry, eat and give up.

But I won't I will not let the 190's beat me, in fact it is now my goal to get out of them in 1 week! That means I have to lose 4 pounds this week, and damnit I will!


P.s. sorry for the language in this post, I rarely if ever swear, but if you didn't read into it I am a tad bit peeved=)

Tomorrow's weigh in

Well this weekend I broke my 2 week rule and did not track on Saturday and sunday.

I have 1001 excuses about why I just couldn't, but all of them are pointless. So I believe I made good choices. But the scale will be the tell all tomorrow.

I also have worked out only 3 days this week. Again 1001 excuses, but all are stupid. The only thing I can say is this weeks workouts are more intense than the previous week. Today I ran/walked 47 minutes in intervals, 25 minutes of it was running.

So I falling back on hope something I swore I never would do! I hope I did enough to loose weight. I hate to hope, hope has no place in weight loss!! I feel if I step on the scale hoping it says I lost, I am screwed.

I feel I did pretty well this week, but because I did not track for 2 days I can not say for sure. So all I have left is to say I hope I did, not I KNOW I did.

I want to see the 180's and I never will if I sit hoping, that is what Fat Katie did!

Ponderings

Okay so I wanted to address the size 10 jeans, someone commented about being about the same weight and not fitting in size 10's. I am 5'7 and half(the half is important), I also have no hips or butt. I never have, hips and butt have never been a problem area for me, in fact I always have worn a pants size 2 sizes smaller than my dress size. So right now I considers myself a size 12 pants, with some size 10's fitting, but dresses, I wear a size 16, with maybe a size 14 here or there that would fit.

I carry all my weight in my stomach and chest, sad thing is everyone complains about losing boobs when they lose weight, me that is the very last thing that goes=( I finally dropped 2 bra size I am no longer a 42 H, I am a 38 F.

I get excited about being able to fit in shirts. Ones that button up, because at 252 I bought a size 24 shirt, but was an 18 pants(that were extremely tight). So now at 193, I just bought a size XL shirt that fits YAY, and found a size 10 pants that are a little tight but fit. My my calculations I figure at my gaol weight of 150, I will wear a size 6 pants, and a 10 dress.

I also was pondering why 5 years ago when I met my husband, and was only about 5 pounds heavier was a size 10 so foreign, I realized because now I am 5 months into working out. I do both cardio and strength training, so while I am getting thinner I am also getting leaner. These past few months I have been more active than I have been since I played sports in high school.

So I am thrilled I am ONE pair of size 10's, but I am still a size 16 dress!

Size 10 jeans!

So a friend of mine about 4 years ago gave me a bunch of her clothes she got to skinny for(thanks Liz). I was going to lose weight for real that time. I was about 220, and this time I was going to get serious, I told everyone that I was going to do it this time. I even had someone to do it with(not Liz), we had a plan, a plan that we made while smoking in my back yard.

I told Liz about how I wanted to lose weight and she had just shed a few pounds and had clothes that didn't fit her anymore, so she gave me all these 10's, stuff I could not even button up but I would soon I swore. Well I obviously did not follow through with that weight loss, our start date was July 1st, and I found out I was pregnant with Riley on July 4th. I did quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant, but my resolve to eat right, and walk everyday at least 15 minutes was thrown out the window, because I was now eating for 2(apparently I though that meant I would be eating for 2 grown men), and exercise I was too sick, too tired, heck I used ever excuse in the book.

So back to those jeans I put them in a box in my basement and never thought of them again. The other day I got sick and tired of my size 12 falling off my butt when ever I did anything. I went through some boxes found these 10's from American Eagle, put them on and holy crap they fit! They are a bit tight, but not constricting tight. They are completely comfortable and do not leave marks when I take them off. I figure 5 pounds lost they are a perfect fit, but the defintly fit better than the 12's. So I am happy to say I may be spending a life time in the 190's it seems, but I am atleast doing it in a size 10 pair of jeans!

Oh and as a reward I promised myself when I have 2 weigh ins out of the 190's I will buy another pair of 10s for myself.

No Pudge.

Okay I admit it I am a brownie addict. I love all brownies, back in my heavy days I would make a pan of brownies a week, and usually I would eat 2/3's of them. So for 24 weeks I have not made a single batch of brownies, I saw the No Pudge before but never bought them. Today Riley wanted to bake she asked 3 times, I figures today was the day I would try them.

We went to the store, and I looked at all the choices, Krustz, gluten free, and No Pudge, I went with the No Pudge. I will never go back!

They were amazing, I made them as cupcakes, it keeps me honest on what I eat. I made 10 cupcakes, the portion size on the box says 12. In each cup cake I put one piece of caramel, they came out absolutely wonderful, and only 3 points a cupcake.

Then I looked over the box, all ingredients were natural, unbleached flour, sugar, egg, and dutch coco. Seriously I am in love, no fat, low points and amazing taste!

Well it was better than the past 2 weeks, but still up

I was down 4.2 pounds.


I am still up .4 pounds from my lowest. Not bad I could probably nurse .4 pounds away, but I still kick myself because I could be will into the 180's instead of spending nearly 2 months in the 190's.

I am 193.2.

Day 6

Last night I did it I got day 4 in before weigh in day! I stopped at the gym on my way home. I did the eliptical for 30 minuites, and still had 15 minutes before the gym closed. So I thought what the heck I will run a mile, now I have been running on and incline for this entire time, to burn more calories. This time I did not put it on an incline, and just went straight to the run, and was able to do a 10 minute mile! Funny thing is I think I could have kept at that pace a mile or so more. I asked Ryan's opinion if he thought I should go off the 10k training program just to see how far I could run like that, he told me no, just keep at it.

I am loving the feeling of running...but still only after I run. I hate running while I am doing it on the treadmill. I did sign up for the Shamrock run. It is another 8k, and like the turkey trot there is free beer after. So I am sure Ryan is going to be in on this one too. I am also excited because after last night I know I will beat my turkey trot time.

Today is weigh in day so I am being extra good today, I started off the morning with an orange and 1 egg, 2 egg whites, with mushrooms, onions and a touch of cheese. A nice filling breakfast.

Day 3 and 4 and 5

Okay so I have been running around life took hold for a bit. But I was good the past 3 days. I am staying true to my plan, and because I haven't blogged in 3 days I will not bore you with the lists of what I ate for 3 days. But trust me I was good I did go over on Saturday night. I needed a beer or 2 after work, and then ate 2 things I shouldn't have. But not enough to beat myself up about.

I need to work out tomorrow and have no clue when I am going to fit that in. Riley has her play date at the senior center. The little kids all get together and play in front of the elderly residents there. They love watching the kids, and some even get involved it is a wonderful thing for everyone. I can't go before that because childwatch was filled up(I called on saturday!)and after is too late, child watch ends at 1. I have to work at 5 and Ryan does not get home till 4. My only hope is that I get out before 8:30, the gym closes at 10, so if I get out before then I will have my gym bag bring it with me and stop on my way home. If not I will be working out twice on Tuesday! Once in the morning(already scheduled) and a second time before my meeting.

So that is my plan. So much to do it seems and never enough time.

Day 2

Technically yesterday was day 2. I worked out for 1 hour and 10 minutes, I ate enough to satisfy me but did not over eat. I ended the day slightly under my points, 6 to be exact. But I did have a second small helping of mashed potato's that I did not add so that was what I figured it to be.

Yesterday, I at a large banana for breakfast (2 points)
Veggie burger on an Arnold's thin with cheese and salsa (4 points)
Carrots (0 points)
Sugar free pudding cup (1 point)
orange (1 point)

Ryan made a dinner from the WW magazine the cube steak and mashed potato's. IT was wonderful and we split ours into 3 portions, not 4. (9 points)
Roasted asparagus, with olive oil (3 points)

I had a fiber one bar and an ice cream sandwich as snacks....(4 points)

24 points....But I hate to eat for the sake of eating. I really felt happy and satisfied.

I am also thrilled my dad and sister are pledging to work out....anyone else?

2 weeks...day 1

So actually yesterday was day 1 and I did not work out but stayed well within my points.

For breakfast I had an apple, and a banana...3 points

Lunch was Panera, Fuji Apple salad and half an oatmeal raisin cookie...16 points

Orange and carrots for a snack...2 points

Lean Cuisine pizza for Dinner...7 points

Ice cream sandwich for night snack...2 points.

30 points used.

Today I am working out, I am really excited my sister is going to work out 4 days a week for 2 weeks no exceptions, anyone else want to do this with us. Just 2 weeks and you have to move at least 30 minutes. It sounds easy but 2 kids and work I always find excuses to not make it, I am not letting myself do that this time. So Colleen is in....anyone else?

I am returning to the first week mentality. The first week on Weight watchers I was perfect, I tracked every point, I did not eat a bite of anything, I measured my foods, and did not eat anything extra. I may have cried, pouted and wondered the worth of it all, but I stuck with it. I walked in after that first week of WW and had a huge 9 pound weight loss. That huge weight loss was all I needed to stick with the plan, for the next 10 weeks I followed the plan to perfection with 3 pound weight losses pretty regularly. Then I started slipping, and pick at things and not track, I would eat a meal and just not count it. It was all good because I was still weighing in with 2 pound losses. Then I started working out, and hadn't touched my tracker for a month, I was losing but with no consistency, some weeks .4 pounds. I started slacking even more till we got to the now, where I had 2 gains in the last 2 weeks. So I am working hard this week to stay true to the WW plan, work out, and go in to WW with the confidence I had the first 10 weeks. I will work extra had to make sure the scale is friendly this week so it gives me the re start I need. I do not expect to have a 9 pound weight loss like my first week but a good one will really help my morale=)

I wanted to thank Katie J. for my very first ever blog award I am so excited I almost cried about it. Even my sister Colleen called up excited for me....I will be doing the award in a separate post tonight. Thank you Katie J...can I give it back to you?

So now its time to face the music

So I fell off the wagon, when I actually sat down and looked at what I ate the past 2 weeks it is no wonder I gained 4.8 pounds in 2 weeks! Yes this week I gained again I had 1.6 pound gain. One part is something I have no control over really. I am nursing my baby, and we are slowly transitioning into foods. So I have to figure out how much less I have to eat to make up for the not nursing as much, but still keeping my supply up. So pretty much the 500 calories I would burn a day for just nursing is coming to an end. This week I am taking 2 points off a day for nursing (about 150 calories less I will eat for all you non weight watcher folks), and this week I am doing something I have been getting bad at. I am tracking again.

Today I ate a banana an apple, went to Panera ordered the salad I have been eating for 5+weeks only to find out the salad is over 500 calories and 20 grams of fat. I also ate half of Riley's cookie, another 4 points there. I have 15 points left for the rest of day. Not bad and completely doable.



Okay so what is going on....I lost 55 pounds rather quickly and I think I got a little cocky, even sometime when I would eat something not great for me, or ate too much I would still end the week with a loss. Now I am getting to uncharted weight territory, and I think I really start to think my sh*t didn't stink. I had all the wonderful compliments I would share my success, while slowly behind close doors I started snacking, not like I did pre WW, but nonetheless I was over eating fiber bars, WW ice cream. Then I went the week of Christmas without tracking at all, but doing some crazy exercises with my dad, and had people watching me keeping me in check, so that 5.2 weight loss I really got sloppy the next week. If is seriously look at that week I can see why I gained, and this last week I thought I did better but looking back...I know I didn't. True I am sure there were weeks before these two, that ate bad 1 day but the other 6 I would be good. These past 2 weeks there was something I did to sabotage each and ever day. Also last week I only worked out 2 days...for a grand total of 10 points. When I started my work I was doing 7 point work outs I need to start doing that 15 extra minutes of either biking or elliptical.

This week is a start over, I tracked everything I have eaten, I will not take any Bites, licks, or tastes of anything. I will also up my water.

If I want to be as healthy as possible now I start the actual work, the sacrifice of foods, for the first 55 pounds it was almost too easy. I am going to bust my own arse to lose the 4.8 pounds in the next 2 weeks, I want it gone as quickly as it came.

Rules for the next 2 weeks

1. Work out 4 days!

2. use my 33 points only, no flex points no activity allowed.

3. Track EVERY SINGLE day.

4. Blog what I ate.

Still pouting...

I am still not happy. I weight myself at the gym and it showed 194, so that is 2 pounds less than the 196 I weigh in at. Still is 1 pound over the previous weeks weigh in. I keep going over what went wrong in my head, and I seriously have to stop.

I also have been horrible I have not tracked this week...so tonight I start the tracking!

Good thing I ran again today, I am on easy recover week and it doesn't feel very easy to be honest. I am doing intervals of 3 minutes running and 2 minutes walking. I had to do that 6 times and seriously did not think I was going to make it. I think I might have to do this week twice. Running is definitely not something my family is know for, but I am stubborn and I want to set out and prove I can run. So that is working in my favor. I love that stubborn, defiant, competitive person I have in me, I know my husband doesn't like her that much, but that bitch keeps me going to the gym.

I keep debating about taking some extra money we have and buying a wii fit plus, I do not want it for a work out regimen but it would be nice to have something a little extra to do when the girls nap for 30 minutes, or at night even. I have heard 2 positive reviews and 1 only so so review....anyone in blogger land have an opinion?

WTH!?!?! This is new to me grrrrr

Seriously a gain this week, it makes me want to cry! Not even a small one, I gained 3.2 pounds. I have no idea why, I did have a few things that when she first said you gained I thought back to the steak and shrimp New Years dinner, the 3 drinks I had that night. I thought back to the anniversary dinner, knowing pasta is not always the best but all just ate one piece of bread, and ordered the marinera with mushroom sause on my pasta, and 2 glasses of wine. I thought back to the entire bag of tootsie rolls I ate, I did track those too. I thought of my 3 required workouts I did and that was all. I usually throw a couple more in but didn't this week.

Okay so a gain, I figured sure this wasn't the most perfect of weeks, so give it to me what is the damage....I was UP 3.2 pounds WTH!?!?! I seriously wanted to cry, sure this wasn't my best week but I can not figure how ten thousand points snuck into my diet this week.

I have been doing this for 22 weeks now and lost every single week, no one gain ever, and then BAM! this week hit me like a load of bricks. Please blogland can you please tell me what might have caused such a large gain. This is new and uncharted territory for me and I do not like it one bit!

The roller coaster

Some days I am thrilled with myself.

But then there are the days I look in the mirror and still see a huge stomach.

Some days I feel my collar bones, and new found hip bones, and want to jump for joy.

But then there are the days I realize I can still grab handfuls of fat on my back.

Some days I rub my back and notice that I no longer have a fat roll resting on another one.

But then there are days I realize I only got rid of the small roll, the big one is still there.

Some days I look at certain pictures and notice with glee I am missing a chin or 3!

But then there are days I still notice that there are still 2 chins.

Some days I try on clothes and pout because non of my old clothes fit, they are all to big!

But then there are days that I try on clothes my friend brought over, or that have been in boxes for 10 years, and they don't fit either...too small.

It almost seems like it is harder to be half way into this journey, I get all the joys of the shock and excitement, but I am still far away from the thin, marathon running, health freak I have pictured in my head. Right now I am still just Katie trying my damnedest to not eat the potty M & M's(Riley's reward for using the potty is M& M's).

To me it is a struggle every day. If I look back at the big picture sure I will say its not hard, if I can do it ANYONE can. But the day to day struggle, does get to me, the getting up and going to the gym, the picking the right foods, when all I want is the wrong one. The sitting down and writing all the food in, so I stay accountable. These are the things I have to do everyday.

In the end I will look back at this time, and be glad I did it, be glad I followed through, but I really want this first year to be done!

Darn I hate all the buts in this post.

I am cold, and I have a jacket now.

Last year every single time I went to my mother in laws house she would yell at me for not wearing a jacket. I would always tell her the same thing, "I never get cold", funny thing is I almost beleived that lie. I had a jacket a very nice Columbia Ski jacket, that I bought 3 years ago, that I could not zip up, or heck even move my arms comfortly in. So I would wear it only when absolutly needed, most times I would just have it in the car.

This year I always have it on, and I could probably fit in the large now too. I would love to say that because I am losing the weight I am now colder, but the truth is I was so embaressed by my not fitting in that really nice jacket, that I would just tell people I was never cold.

My next goal is to wear this jacket I bought at the gap years ago(10 years to be exact). I think I only wore it a handful of times before I grew out of that one. It is a nice spring one that I will be wearing all spring. I can not wait till I do not have to lie and pretend I am not cold in 55 degree weather too.

IT is funny to me the more I lose the more I realized how much I lied to myself to justify the weight. If you had asked me 6 months ago how my extra weight affected my life I would have told you not at all or if any very little. Now as I am shedding my fat suit I now know how much it did, and how great this feels.

I am the 50 degree day!

Talking to my best friend, she told me how I am right now the 50 degree day!

First off if you live and always have lived in warm weather this will not make sense, but I was born and Raised in West Michigan, and now reside in Buffalo,so this analogy is perfect for me.

The other day sitting around talking to Julia, I was telling her how everyone is telling me how great I look, and how proud they are of me, and so on and so on. I love it, and it makes me feel amazing to know I am doing this, BUT...all the complements sometimes makes me feel I am done. I am so not done, in fact I have weighed this much before and my mother (who I love and is one of my biggest cheerleaders) once saw me at the weight I am now, and told me I looked bad and needed to lose weight.

So what is the difference between that 22 year old who gained 30 pounds in one year and weighed 195, and the 31 year old who just lost 60 pounds and weighs 195??

That is where the 50 degree day comes into play.....

Winter hits hard in west Michigan and Buffalo, and when it does it often seems like there is no end in sight...then that first 50 degree day hits. It is wonderful you see people outside, people running, kids at the park, no one wears a jacket insisting it is gorgeous and no need for one. Everyone looks forward to this as the beginning, knowing warm weather is in sight.

Then the opposite of that that first 50 degree day after Summer. In this area you usually get one before the end of September. You hear people crying about how cold it is, and people bundle up and stay inside insisting it too cold for anything else. Most people look at this first 50 degree day as the first day of winter.

So that explains me right now I am neither the fat girl I once was, nor am I the thin healthy girl I want to be soon. And because I am on the losing side of this, people like my mom see this 50 degree day as a wonderful great thing with more things to come. Unlike the last time I was this weight, because I gained, she saw as a bad thing that was only going to get worse.

But unfortuantly no one dreams of 50 degree weather. That kind of weather in Buffalo is just a preview of what is too come. I right now am just the preview of what is to come...