So Ryan took Riley out, and Sophie is still sick and sleeping a ton, So I went hunting in the basement.
I started going through boxes of clothes I used to wear, some recently and some as far back as college. I started thinking how all those clothes ended up in boxes. I talked about it before when you gain weight no one really ever tells you, with the exception of my mom, I gained over 50 pounds in 3 years without anyone saying a word about it. I was going through all the the clothes from that time trying on stuff, some fit some almost fit, and some have a good 20 pounds still. Doing all that I realized how easy it was to lie to myself, I had 2 sweaters i put away I remember putting them away because the dryer shrunk them. Funny how I had wore them the previous winter, washed and dried them but the next fall I brought them out they were to small, not because of me but because of the dryer. I found 2 pairs of pants that didn't have buttons on them. I put them away not because I was so fat the button popped off, but because I lost the button.
Even if I had a moment of honesty with myself an acknowledged that I had gained weight I would still find ways to excuse it, by blaming the babies.
I also realized something else. I never finished I never let myself get as healthy as possible, I would start a diet lose about half the weight I wanted and then be done. One time in my early 20's I did really good I got pretty thin, and was on my way to looking great, looking at my clothes from then, most were 10's, and I found one pair of 8's. I remember buying that size 8. I remember thinking I am there I did it, and 2 months later putting them away because they didn't fit, then in another couple of months putting the 10's away.
I don't want this time to be like that. I have never finished before, that is why when people ask how much I want to lose I say 100 pounds it is a nice even number, but I have no clue what 151 will look like. The last time I weight that much I was a Sophomore in High School. The time I just talked about I was roughly 175, I want to take this journey not to a certain number but a healthy life. That is why the triathlon is important to me. When I complete that it means I have arrived at a level of fitness I have never been at before. Heck if I could complete a triathlon at 212 I would be happy at 212, but I can barely run 20 minutes right now, so I am not happy with it.
So looking through the clothes I also realized that I have never been fit, sure I did get thinner for about 20 minutes, but I was never fit. So I think this time is different because I am not just working toward losing weight.
I notice it also with my dad. I think he will keep the weight off this time because it is not just the number on the scale or the fact he is in a 34 pants for the first time in his adult life. But because I call him and he has to let me go because he is going for a jog. Or he rides his bike to work. The number on the scale is nice, the smaller clothes are great, but they are just a by product to the ultimate goal of fitness.
I guess my whole point of this jumbled blog was...
1. No more excuses, no more from me or anyone else!
2. I will no longer quietly box clothes up, I will be throwing them in the garbage this time when they don't fit!
3. The goal of this journey is fitness, health the amount I weigh is just a number, it will get smaller though the more I focus on the two major goals.
4. There is no end to this, before I fell into that trap, stopping when I bought a pair of size 8 jeans. This time when that happens I will jump up and down and call my mom, and probably cry a little, and then go to the gym and see if I can buy a pair 6 someday too.
40 down ???? to go=)
